Sorry for the long post, but I’d appreciate your thoughts on the following.
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This is about a woman the club introduced me to about three months ago. Our first date had a great atmosphere—we had dinner, spent some adult time (intimate), and exchanged LINE contacts, ending on the understanding that we would likely see each other again. We were able to meet again early the following month, and at that time we also agreed on a date to meet later that month. For the allowance, we mutually agreed that I would give her the amount for both meetings together, as a monthly arrangement, and I paid her for both at that time.
But after that...
About a week later, I contacted her to ask when she would like to meet next. After some back-and-forth, she replied with messages along the lines of:
“My parents may find out, so it’s difficult for me to meet under the current circumstances.”
“I’d like you to cancel the restaurant and anything else planned for our next date.”
“I’d like to take some time apart.”
“My parents are monitoring my location and my activities.”
When I also mentioned that I had already given her the allowance for the next meeting, she replied, “I was careless. I intend to return that amount.”
I waited about half a month and contacted her again the following month, but she replied, “It’s difficult for me to meet you, and I’m not in a situation where I can,” “Because of what happened, I no longer feel positively about this activity, and my parents’ opinions have made things difficult for me as well,” and “I would like to return the allowance for the next meeting by bank transfer.”
Later that month, I messaged her saying that I felt uncomfortable giving her my bank details. She replied that meeting would be difficult. After that, while consulting with others and lightly conveying my feelings to her, I believe I continued to handle her one-sided responses as courteously as possible.
Eventually, I sent her a LINE message expressing some of the feelings I had been holding back. Regarding the return of the allowance for the next meeting, I also told her that, given how one-sided the situation had been, I would leave the matter up to her. After that, the only reply I received was an apology for the delayed response and a message saying that, regarding the return of the allowance for the next meeting, she was fine with any method and would leave it up to me.
More than half a month has passed since then, and nothing has changed.
So, based on everything that has happened, although it seems that she is still registered with the club, what on earth is actually true in this situation?
I understand that she no longer intends to meet me, but how sincere is she about returning the allowance for the next meeting? Or is she deliberately refusing to return it? If so, I can’t help feeling angry, as though I’ve been deceived.
Also, if she is willing to return it, would giving her my bank details come across as pressuring her? What would be the best way to have it returned without meeting in person?
I don’t want this to drag on any longer, and I have no idea what to do. Consulting a legal professional may be an option, but I wanted to ask for your opinions here.
That was a very long post, but I would appreciate any comments. Thank you.
I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
> Given the situation, what on earth is actually true?
Only what’s happening right in front of you is reality. Rather than trying to recover it, I think it’s better to let it go and consider it a gift.
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I’m Ayase Nana ♡
Maybe that woman is waiting for you to tell her, “Don’t worry about the money anymore”?
When someone says they’ll return your money, you need to give them your bank details right away, or you’ll never get it back.
What do you do at work? You respond faster then, don’t you? Why the difference?
You’re being petty. How much did you give her—around ¥200,000? You should just forget about it already.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
Seriously, isn’t that a little too stingy? You could at least give her your bank account details. Is the questioner’s name—just a string of characters written in katakana—really that valuable to you? Is it some incredibly rare name?
If you really don’t want to share your bank details for whatever reason, there are plenty of other ways to collect the money, like giving her your PayPay account or having her send you an Amazon gift card.
If you’re uneasy about sharing personal information, why not just Google ways to get paid without revealing your bank details? This kind of behavior is exactly why people make fun of older men…
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Since you chose to pay the allowance upfront, and she’s choosing not to give you her bank account details, why not just let her keep it?
Writing such a long post on a Q&A site just because you can’t recover one meeting’s allowance…
How petty.
That word came back to me for the first time in a while.
Marika
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If you want the money back, just give him your bank details and be done with it.
You chose to hand it over upfront, and even after asking for a refund, you chose not to provide your account information.
Wouldn’t that make it coercion? Come on, don’t play the saint.
It’s exhausting dealing with someone so petty and obsessive.
You gave him money, but things didn’t work out—that’s what you’re really upset about, isn’t it?
Just sort it out yourself and get it over with.
Akari
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
> We agreed on a monthly arrangement and, with both of us understanding the terms, I gave her the allowance for two meetings.
Since you both agreed to it, the purpose of the monthly arrangement has been fulfilled even if you can’t meet.
It doesn’t matter whether it was due to circumstances on her end.
Even if you had paid for the whole year upfront, I’d hope you’d have the maturity to let it go after having an adult relationship (intimate) even once. If you had that kind of generosity, it probably wouldn’t have ended with her cutting off all contact.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here as well.
> Personally, I don’t really feel comfortable giving out my bank details.
If you’re uncomfortable with it, just leave it at that and don’t send the money back. I think that’s all there is to it.
If you do want the money returned, then just give her your bank details.
It feels like you’re wasting everyone’s time for no reason. Maybe the questioner just wants sympathy, but I actually feel sorry for the woman dealing with this.
> I’d appreciate your comments.
It gives the impression of a woman being hassled by a troublesome man.
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I’m Dai, a male member.
I think this has dragged on because the woman wants to refund the excess allowance by bank transfer, but you’re reluctant to give her your account details.
Whatever the reason, she simply doesn’t want to see you anymore.
Since it’s only about one meeting’s allowance, why not just let it go? Consulting a legal professional would be embarrassing, and the amount is so small you’d probably be laughed at.
It’s also possible that her parents really did find out, and she’s planning to quit her club activities.
The fact that she’s still registered with Universe may simply mean she hasn’t told the club she wants to leave—and since there’s no need for the club to contact her if there are no offers, they haven’t reached out.
In that case, she’ll probably receive an email asking whether she wants to continue about six months after joining, and if she doesn’t respond, the club will process her withdrawal.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Since you asked for comments, I take that to mean you’d like people to freely share their thoughts after reading your post.
I honestly can’t understand why you gave her the allowance for two meetings upfront the first time. Take this as a lesson, and I recommend never making things unnecessarily complicated like that again.
Also, it sounds like you want the allowance for the second meeting back, but consider it tuition. Let it go. Even if you gave her more than you can comfortably afford to write off, it’s still tuition. If you need someone to blame, blame your own balls for pushing you into the foolish decision to pay in advance at the first meeting.
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I’m a columnist and a flag maker.
Seriously, even if they say, “I’ll pay you back,” all you have to say is, “Don’t worry about it,” and that’s the end of it.
I’ve got plenty of money that’s never coming back either! lol
Getting worked up over something so small is just embarrassing!
You made a loss because your decision to invest upfront was wrong. As the investor, you’re responsible for that.
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