I’m a Type B female member.
During a dinner date arranged through the club, we discussed the allowance for dinner. He asked, “I’m thinking somewhere around 3 to 5—what do you think?” I assumed he meant ¥30,000–¥50,000 and happily went into our next dinner, only to find out that he meant ¥3,000–¥5,000! This happened to me the other day.
In this case, I was the one who made a convenient assumption, got excited, and then felt disappointed. But to avoid this kind of misunderstanding in the future, I’m thinking I should confirm the units as well.
At the same time, I worry that explicitly saying “30,000 yen” or “50,000 yen,” rather than just using the numbers, might come across as a little tacky… (Although I know it is pretty money-focused.)
Is there a good way to phrase this?
I’m Taro, a male member.
Come on, you can figure that out normally. Three to fifty thousand yen just for dinner? What kind of deal is that? There may be people who pay that much, but common sense should tell you it’s rare.
You simply got taken in by a stingy guy because you didn’t understand that basic reality. More precisely, he wasn’t so much stingy as half-hearted. Dinner itself has no real value to him—it’s just bait for what he’s hoping for afterward. If you’re using it as bait, don’t cheap out; go all out, is what I’d like to say. But, well, that’s not really your concern as a woman. (笑)
So, my answer isn’t about how to confirm the amount. You need to work on your “common sense,” your ability to read the atmosphere, and your ability to judge the other person’s caliber.
Take care.
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I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
I believe the allowance for a first dinner date was around ¥5,000–¥10,000, though that does feel a little on the low side. If it was only ¥3,000, I think it would be good to give the club some feedback.
That said, rather than worrying about the perfect way to phrase it, you’re better off enjoying the food in front of you. Both men and women can get overly focused on money, so instead of letting the allowance consume your thoughts, why not chat and enjoy the meal? That can be fun too.
I think it’s best to date with some room in both your heart and your wallet.（笑)
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here.
> I feel that spelling out an amount like “tens of thousands of yen” instead of just saying the number might come across as a little too forward…
You’re probably right that people usually leave it implied, but if something like that has happened even once, I think it’s better to clearly confirm both the amount in ten-thousands and the currency.
In this case, when he said:
“I’m thinking around 30,000 to 50,000—what do you think?”
You could have replied:
“Do you mean ¥30,000 to ¥50,000? That’s wonderful. I’d be happy to.”
I don’t think anyone at Universe would do this, but…
Normally, there’s no need to specify the currency, but if you were expecting ¥50,000 and received 50,000 bolivars instead, you’d be pretty disappointed.
So, just to be safe, it might be a good idea to casually work in the type of currency as well.
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I’m a male member, and my username is Paper Airplane.
If she’s a B-type who leans more toward C, I’ll discuss the allowance. But with a B-type who doesn’t, I won’t bring up the allowance.
If she brings it up very directly, it feels a bit vulgar for a genuine B-type, and I lose most of my interest in meeting her. Continuing the relationship would be impossible.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Since asking to confirm can come across as a bit sleazy, I think it’s best to simply voice your surprise when you hear the amount: “You’re really giving me ¥30,000–¥50,000!?”
If it sounds like the words just slipped out because you were genuinely surprised, it should come across as less sleazy.
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