How can I make someone want to continue seeing me?

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. When a woman asks to go bare without a condom, I’m scared off—there won’t be a second meeting. Even men like me are wary enough just knowing she’s a woman from the club… And if she’s married on top of that, any man willing to date her is even more frightening. Wait, are women really still expected to make the first move so aggressively? That’s more than triple the pressure… No, this is just a case of pushing too hard and getting the wrong idea…

I’m a male member, Chikuwa. Given those terms, I’d be interested in meeting you at least once, but I really think you should stop telling them you’re married. Keep that hidden. If they know you’re married, there’s a risk they could sue you. It’s also important for women to send casual messages and invite men out from time to time. If there were two women of roughly equal appeal, I’d choose the one who had been messaging me.

I think it’s either because she finds meeting you boring, feels uncomfortable after you told her you have a husband, or doesn’t like going without a condom because she assumes you do that with other people or your husband too—or possibly all of the above. Marika

I’m Kazu, a male member. This is just how I see things: > I make an effort to be a good listener in conversation. Being only a good listener gets boring, so if that were all there was to it, I wouldn’t invite her to an adult relationship (intimate). What I’m looking for is the fun of a good back-and-forth conversation. > Even during an adult relationship, I don’t just sit back—I take an active role. That leaves a good impression. > I’m on the pill, so we don’t use condoms. Many women take the pill for reasons such as having painful periods, so I don’t read anything into the fact that she’s on it. However, knowing she takes it does give me some peace of mind because it lowers the chance of pregnancy. So, yes, that leaves a good impression. That said, if a woman is willing to go without a condom from the very beginning of the relationship, I assume she probably does the same with other men, which makes me uneasy, so I won’t see her again. > I negotiate the allowance down to 30,000 yen. I don’t necessarily think lower allowance is better, so it doesn’t leave any particularly good impression. Even if a woman asks for less than 50,000 yen, I offer 50,000 yen and give her that amount. Your question was how to make someone want to continue seeing you, right? If she can have enjoyable conversations, and only allows going without a condom with someone special she’s been seeing continuously, then I think I’d want to continue seeing her. That said, I think it’s difficult to become someone who can have a fun back-and-forth conversation with many different people.

Maezawa from the President’s Office here—I’ll answer as well. You won’t know until you actually meet him, but regarding: > Will he invite me if I just wait? > Or was I simply not good enough...? I think you should try inviting him yourself first. If you invited him and he didn’t respond, then there was probably some issue. If you invited him and he arranged a date, then the problem was likely that you didn’t invite him in the first place. > ○ I make an effort to be a good listener in conversation Being a good listener isn’t always necessarily a good thing, and some people think they’re good listeners when they really aren’t. > ○ I don’t stay passive during an adult relationship (intimate) and take the initiative I’m not sure about this one either. There are certainly men who like that, but some may feel that it seems too professional. Until you know what the other person prefers, it may be safer to remain reasonably passive. Besides, it’s unclear what you mean by “taking the initiative.” If you mean being especially skilled physically, that might be a different matter. > ○ I’m on the pill, so we can be intimate without a condom Some men may feel uncomfortable because it seems too professional when a woman says, “I’m on the pill.” Likewise, some men dislike it when a woman herself suggests going without a condom because it seems too professional. Basically, even if you’re taking the pill, it’s better not to mention it. As for condoms, don’t bring it up yourself; simply go along with it if he doesn’t use one. Going a step further, you could say something like: “Since you seem trustworthy, I’m making an exception and agreeing to go without a condom, but please don’t finish inside.” That makes him feel special, which seems preferable. > ○ I negotiate an allowance of 30,000 yen “Negotiate”? Rather than negotiating, I think it’s better to ask how much he has in mind. If it’s too low, you could end things by saying something like, “I’m feeling a little sick today, so I think I’ll head home.” When someone talks about “negotiating,” men may start wondering, “Is she a professional?” It’s fine to state your own preference, but basically, I think you should hear what the man has in mind and then decide whether to leave without negotiating or proceed as is. Also, if you’re a Platinum member and are trying to say that your allowance is a bargain, I still think it’s better to leave the amount up to the other person. > If there’s anything I can think of, it’s that I’m married. > I don’t disclose it in my profile and tell them when we meet. Have you not told the staff either? Some men don’t want to meet married women, so there may not be a next time. Men who feel that way are probably concerned about the risks, which is why the first meeting would likely be dinner only (no intimacy) anyway. Also, when a woman says, without even being asked, “I’m married,” I’m not really sure what her purpose is. Is her husband going to show up afterward as part of a setup? Will I be sued next time? In fact, women who bring it up themselves seem more frightening. I think it’s better to answer only when the man asks. If you’re bringing it up yourself, I really don’t understand why. Are you really a good listener? That’s what I find myself wondering.

I’m Tetsu, a male member. Based on what you say you’re conscious of, my first thought was, “Oh? I’d like to meet her once.” But I can’t quite put my finger on it—I also get a slightly cheap impression. Calling yourself a good listener sounds positive, but it could also be taken to mean that you can’t initiate or develop a conversation yourself. If your only goal is intimacy, you have all the qualities and terms men are likely to appreciate. But that alone isn’t enough to make an arrangement continue. You need something that makes him want to see you again—having things to talk about, similar tastes in food, and of course, physical compatibility are all important factors. The reason arrangements don’t continue is that people get bored. Even if you try your hardest physically from the very beginning, the boredom starts the moment the other person thinks, “There’s nothing more to this.” To avoid that, I think one key is to gradually make the relationship more meaningful over time. Personally, I don’t mind if you’re married. I’m married too, after all. (Haha) Some men do care, though, so I think it’s fine to simply answer honestly if you’re asked.