I have a question about how to become closer with women (develop a more intimate relationship).
To be honest, the terms I can offer a partner are probably average, and I can only meet a woman once or twice a month, depending on the month.
I’m not particularly good-looking, either, and I’m basically just a harmless, inoffensive person—the kind of man who tends to end up being seen as “a nice guy.”
I’ve been able to maintain long-term relationships, albeit low-key ones, but the relationship inevitably tends to become more detached over time. Eventually, it ends up feeling no different from a transactional service, aside from going out for a meal.
Other than offering a more generous allowance, is there anything you make a point of doing to become even a little closer with women? I’d really appreciate hearing your thoughts for reference.
I’m Shingo Lee (Shingori), a column writer.
Most men are like you, actually!
In situations like this, the causes and solutions are usually pretty clear. You can turn things around by developing your “awareness as a man” and your “content value.”
First, regarding “awareness as a man,” try reading *The Art of Seduction* (*Ren’ai Kōgaku*). I don’t agree with everything it says, but it’s an excellent resource for changing your mindset in this area.
There’s also a manga called *I Want to Prove That I Love You*. I recommend giving it a read.
(Note: I’m skeptical about some of the techniques, but I’m recommending it because it can be useful as a mindset guide.)
The important thing to understand is that the world works in a cycle: “People who are popular are popular because they’re popular,” while “people who aren’t popular aren’t popular because they aren’t popular.” People who are described as “nice guys” often fall into the latter category.
Next is “content value.”
Uninteresting people don’t take on challenges because they’re afraid of failure, even though they don’t have much pride to lose. By limiting themselves to “sex” and “food,” they may avoid failure, but they also aren’t gaining any new successful experiences.
If you’re in Tokyo, try going to Disneyland, visiting temples, touring filming locations, or going to Tokyo Tower. These aren’t places you need to visit repeatedly, but there’s plenty to enjoy the first time.
Why not create plenty of date plans where you try one new place before sex, then relax at a hotel afterward?
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
I’m very much a people-pleaser, so I make an effort to get into women’s hobbies. It’s not really a burden for me. Even after things end with a woman, I still get to keep the hobby for myself.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
This sounds like something straight out of a feature in POPEYE（笑).
You don’t need to worry about the allowance or your appearance. If she keeps meeting you, that means she’s happy with things as they are. And I think the key to making it last is your character.
Rather than sticking to bland, harmless conversation, try gradually showing a little of your authentic self. It’s also good to ask her all sorts of things about herself. People feel good when someone asks about them because it shows that person is interested in them. Just don’t overdo it, or she may start suspecting you’re a stalker—everything in moderation.
Once you have a decent sense of her personality, try responding to what she says with comments like, “You’re the kind of person who worries about things like that, aren’t you?”—basically filling in the parts she hasn’t quite said herself. That tends to boost your likability. Guys often think they score big points by accurately guessing something and surprising her, but I believe it’s more important to have plenty of those “Exactly!” moments of empathy than to focus on surprises.
To be continued in next month’s issue of POPEYE（笑).
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I’m Hikōki, a male member.
> I only get to see women once or twice a month (depending on the month).
Given that frequency, it’s understandable that the relationship wouldn’t feel particularly close, and that
> it ends up feeling no different from a transactional arrangement, apart from going out for meals.
If you’re currently seeing multiple women, try focusing on one and increasing how often you meet. If she wants to see you, go to her as often as she wishes. Go even if she’s far away, even if you can only stay for a short time—even three minutes. And if she says she still wants to spend time together, go along with it no matter how late it is.
Above all, I think it’s important to build a relationship where you’re compatible, can understand what she enjoys and wants you to do, and where both of you can be yourselves. That’s basically the same as what you’d do with a regular girlfriend without an allowance.
The more you increase the allowance, the more likely you are to misunderstand the relationship in the opposite direction from genuine closeness.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I tend to make offers to women I feel I could have a good conversation and hit it off with. If we meet and I enjoy her company and like her personality, I’ll move on to an adult relationship (intimate). If the sex is good too, I’ll continue seeing her.
I’ve also made offers based on how attractive I found someone or my expectations about the sex, but for some reason, I never felt like seeing them again after the second meeting.
So, if you want to become intimate with a woman, I think it’s best to start by offering to meet women you feel you could grow close to for reasons other than their looks or sex.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here.
What did you do when you were in a normal relationship without an allowance?
Could it be that you’ve never had a girlfriend before?
I don’t think that’s the case, so just do what you did back then to win a woman’s heart.
The only difference is that you’ll be giving her an allowance.
If you approach her properly and take her on dates, she may come to like you even without offering a generous allowance—or even with a standard allowance.
Try going back to the basics first.
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I’m in Seattle.
If a woman has a hobby that I’m even slightly interested in, I’ll try doing it with her.
I watched Itaewon Class, Haikyu!!, and Fire Force after they were recommended, and found them really fun.
I also tried reading Hikaru no Go and enjoyed it.
I even started following an idol she liked—and ended up becoming a fan myself.
I’ll buy the CDs and give them a listen. The conversation flows, we get closer, and I enjoy it too.
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