Can you really be sure that the girl you love isn’t secretly doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)? Don’t you ever wonder about it? I’m old enough to know better, but I can’t stop thinking about it. She seems like the type older men would love. I bought her a condo, but she’s away from home a lot.

I’m Kazu, a male member. I think it’s quite difficult to be certain about something like this. Personally, I wouldn’t get so worked up over whether my partner might be doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). But apparently, there are plenty of men who do worry about it. If that’s what concerns you, then the first mistake was buying her an apartment. If you can’t trust how she feels about you, giving her something upfront was a mistake. You’ve effectively eliminated the penalty she would face if she were doing papa-katsu. I once heard about a woman who had been dating a man with strong possessiveness and suspicion. At his request, she installed a location-sharing app on her phone. In return, her allowance was apparently very generous (well-paying)—I believe it was over a million yen a month. If you’re going to spend that kind of money, I think it would be better to offer a high monthly allowance and ask her to share her private life with you, rather than buying her an apartment.

I’m Date◎Yume, a male member. You can probably tell by looking at how your companion normally behaves（笑）. If you feel something is off, then that’s probably what’s going on. To begin with, there’s a significant age gap between you, so I don’t think you should try to restrict her too much. That said, if she’s being too reckless, you may have to worry about illness, so make sure you discuss that properly...

This is Nana Ayase, a female member. That’s unfortunate… Could he perhaps be out having fun or busy with a part-time job? Maybe he has a younger girlfriend. If it’s too painful, let’s move on to the next one. Wouldn’t the offer fee be cheaper than paying for an apartment? I’m sure you’ll find someone wonderful again.

I’m Flagmaker, a column writer. I’m full of lies myself, so I’m pretty tolerant of other people’s lies and don’t really worry about them. When it comes to me, I understand that people want to show me their best side—even if that involves some lies.

I’m in Seattle. Of course popular girls cheat. Are you willing to give up everything and marry her? If not, then there’s nothing you can do.

I’m a male member, Paper Airplane. To the questioner: if you’re of a certain age, don’t overthink things. Instead, show the generosity and composure that younger women are likely to appreciate. Don’t boast or make pushy comments like, “I bought her an apartment.” If you do that, you should be able to feel confident and at ease. Young men have the appeal and advantages of youth. As you get older, you may lose some of that appeal, but you gain experience-based strengths that young people simply can’t have. Unless you make use of those strengths—and recognize them yourself—you won’t be able to gain anything that truly gives you peace of mind. The woman you’re seeing probably also wants to be surrounded by the rare sense of comfort, calm, and security that comes with someone who has lived longer. That’s why you need to be emotionally stable and composed yourself. Otherwise, you won’t be able to communicate properly or show the consideration needed to understand what she’s really thinking.

I’m Taro, a male member. Everyone has all kinds of things going on behind the scenes. They might be doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), practicing feng shui, simply have a boyfriend or a friends-with-benefits arrangement, or even be appearing in adult videos. You can usually get some idea of how far they might be going based on where you met them and how they behave, right? Of course, they may not be doing anything like what you imagine, but it’s better to be prepared for the worst-case scenario. I used to be an obnoxious guy who suspected things, investigated all sorts of stuff, and tried to bait women into revealing the truth. Sometimes I’d stumble across something by accident without even looking, and because I couldn’t keep quiet about it, I’d tell them and we’d stop seeing each other. Five years later, I got drunk and messaged one of them, “I’m sorry about back then.” She replied incredibly warmly. I was happy, but also sad, because I realized that whatever had happened, something truly precious had existed between us—and I had destroyed it myself. You naturally get better at uncovering those hidden sides of people, but these days I don’t tell them what I’ve found. I just let things play out. Why does this person lie? It’s impressive how far she can take things with lies, but what is she ultimately looking for? I think about all kinds of things, but I don’t know the answer. I used to be an obnoxious guy, but I also feel that my passion somehow got through to women and made things happen. These days, I can see more of what’s going on around me, but maybe I’m simply becoming a more calculating man—one who no longer makes an impression. So, to answer your question: yes, I used to think about the kinds of things you mentioned. It’s the entrance to a cold, damp spiral staircase. If your feelings tell you to descend, then go ahead. Good luck（笑笑).

Maezawa from the CEO’s office here. You lose the moment you let suspicion take over. I think it’s best to have the mindset that even if she is doing papa-katsu, that’s okay. You should have enough confidence to believe that, in the end, she’ll come back to you. If you can’t feel confident, maybe your allowance is too low, or perhaps you’re holding back in some way when it comes to supporting her. Either support her wholeheartedly—or end the relationship. There’s no point in worrying about it.