I usually see my partner on a pay-per-meeting basis with intimacy, but depending on my mood or how I’m feeling, there are days when I’d rather just have dinner and go home without intimacy. I’m a man.
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Do you usually give the same allowance regardless of whether there’s intimacy or not?
If, on the day, I said, “I’m not in the mood for that today, so let’s just have dinner,” and only gave her travel expenses, how would women feel about it?
Would you think, “Then you shouldn’t have come to see me in the first place?”
I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
It depends on her type and how often you meet.
With a C-type, you’ll have H every time, up to once a week (three or four times a month). If you meet more often than that, there’s no H—and no allowance for those meetings either.
With a B-type, it depends on how things go when you meet, so whether there’s H or an allowance varies depending on the flow of the day for both of you. With someone who leans less toward C, I try to make dinner-only meetings more common whenever possible.
In the questioner’s case, it sounds like the meetings are supposed to include H and an allowance, so I don’t think you should agree to meetings with neither H nor the allowance.
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I’m Maezawa from the CEO’s office, and I’ll answer this as well.
A relationship is built on mutual trust.
If you meet as usual without saying anything beforehand, the woman will naturally expect to receive her usual allowance.
So if you only bring up having dinner without intimacy after you’ve already met, I believe the basic thing to do is give her the usual allowance.
Doing so will also improve her opinion of you. She’ll think, “He gives me the same allowance even when it’s dinner only,” which should put you in a better position for future arrangements.
That said, if you discuss it about three days before meeting—something like, “Would dinner only be okay? The allowance would have to be reduced to ¥〇〇, but we can reschedule if you prefer”—and get her consent, then I think it’s also fine to change the allowance.
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I'm Aya, a female member.
If she’s the kind of woman who only cares about the money, she’ll probably think, “What? I was counting on ¥〇〇, so this puts me in a tough spot.” But if she isn’t that financially strapped, she’ll likely just think, “Well, it can’t be helped.” Still, most women are only thinking about the money, so I think it’s better to let her know beforehand that you don’t intend to go through with it.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
In my case, I make sure to discuss and agree from the very beginning on whether the arrangement includes intimacy or not. That seems to make it easier for women to let me know when they’re on their period, and I think it’s better because neither of us has to force ourselves when we’re not in the mood.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
It’s not a very common situation, but I’d probably check beforehand by asking something like, “Are you okay with dinner only for ¥○?”
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
I pay the same amount regardless of whether the arrangement includes intimacy or not. Otherwise, the woman’s monthly income wouldn’t be stable, so I do it to provide a steady income.
A stable relationship helps both people build solid trust and feel more at ease.
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I’m in Seattle.
It’s not okay to reduce the allowance at the last minute just because of the man’s circumstances or preferences. Especially if he’s feeling unwell that day, he should give me two meetings’ worth of allowance next time, even if we don’t meet.
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