What kind of dreams do men expect from women who work in office jobs and also do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)?
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I’m often asked whether I have a dream, and I find it quite difficult to answer.
I do have goals—such as wanting to study something or obtain a certain qualification—but they’re intended to improve the quality of my everyday life and hobbies, not to lead to a particular job or career. Is it okay to talk about things like these as my “dreams”?
The first time I was asked this, I began by saying, “It may not really be a dream, but…” and then explained my goals in detail. He replied, “That’s not what I meant. Don’t you have dreams like starting your own business, becoming independent, or studying abroad?” He also said, “I want to support a girl who has a dream. I think the goals you mentioned are things you can achieve even without me.”
I completely understand why someone would want to support a person with a dream. But I feel that all women already know this, and that these are the standard reasons people give for doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)—for example, wanting support to attend school in order to change careers or find a job in a specialized field, or wanting to study abroad.
So if someone doesn’t give those as her reason for doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), whether in a video or face-to-face, shouldn’t he be able to read between the lines? Of course, there may be women whose dream is to rise through a company or industry and eventually become the president, but I feel that people with that kind of ambition probably wouldn’t be working in an office job in the first place. Since my profile already provides some information to go on, I was confused about why he would deliberately put me in such an awkward position.
That said, I understand that this was just one conversation with one man, so it wouldn’t be right to generalize it to all men.
Still, I keep dwelling on it and feeling confused, and I’m sure that shows on my face as well. I’d really appreciate hearing various opinions on how to respond without feeling stressed.
I’m a male member, and my username is Paper Airplane.
If a woman is doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) to save money for a dream or some goal she wants to achieve, then she could accomplish it with any sponsor—not necessarily me.
That wouldn’t be enjoyable for me. It would be boring.
What matters to me is whether, as we go through life, she can have fun, feel comforted, let off steam, feel at ease, and feel that my presence and the time we spend together have value.
That’s what’s important to me.
Maybe that’s why I’ve continued seeing my absolute favorite girl, whom I meet frequently, for a long time. I’ve never set or even discussed an allowance with her. We simply spend the limited time we can share together as precious, comfortable time. (For girls I see only about twice a month, I do set an allowance.)
So, when it comes to:
> A woman who works in an office and also does papa-katsu
If, during the precious time we have together, she can have fun and let off steam, while also feeling fulfilled and happy with papa-katsu, there’s nothing more satisfying for me. I’m completely satisfied.
That said, judging from the question, I think it’s up to the man how he feels about it—but…
Why is he asking her in the first place?
If the woman brought it up herself, and her dream had grown into a long conversation full of hopes and aspirations, then I could understand. But if that’s not the case, don’t ask her about it yourself!
That’s how I feel.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
That topic does come up naturally in conversation sometimes. I usually say something like, “My job has been my dream since I was little, so the fact that I’m steadily growing in it now is part of the process of making that dream come true.” I also sometimes ask my papa (a male supporter) for advice about work.
If you don’t have any particular dreams, you could say something like wanting to take your parents on lots of trips, or wanting to travel abroad once things settle down after COVID.
But I think that man was probably the only one who would ask about your dreams in such detail, so you don’t need to worry.
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This is advice for men.
When talking to other men, I think it’s better to be honest rather than trying to sound cool by saying it’s “for your dreams.” Just say that you want some financial breathing room and money to spend on your hobbies.
Everyone understands that a salary from a general office job doesn’t leave you with much extra, especially if you live alone in a big city. Also, like me, some men prefer the down-to-earth, ordinary office-worker type.
Of course, there are also men like the one described in the question, to a certain extent.
Even though your values seemed different on your profile, he still made you an offer, so you must have an attractive appearance or other appealing qualities. I feel you’ll make a better impression if you’re confident and show your true self as you are.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
That man is simply dreaming that women involved in papa-katsu all have some kind of dream of their own. You just happened to meet a middle-aged guy who’s still a dreamer, so I don’t think you need to worry about it.
If you believe papa-katsu means telling whatever lies are necessary to make any old guy feel good, then you could just say you want to study abroad.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Hmm... I never ask about someone’s dreams or why they need money. They’re registered with the club because they need money in the first place.
If I ever did ask those kinds of questions, it would be because I wanted to control the woman and get feelings or services beyond the allowance.
Put simply:
“What’s your dream?” → “___” → “Then I’ll fund it for you, so you should be grateful to me, fall for me, and do what I say.”
That may have been the kind of approach that male member preferred.
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