I’m a beginner at dating clubs, and I’ve been learning from the experiences shared by the veterans here.

I’m Shingo Lee (Shingori), a male member. First of all, when it comes to this kind of thing, it depends on communication between the two people and how well their preferences align, so it’s difficult to offer specific advice based on text alone. However, a few points stood out to me, so I’d like to focus on those. ① Once you find a partner you’re reasonably compatible with, do you develop her to suit your preferences, or do you adapt to hers? “Development” is something that has already begun before you even realize it. And unfortunately, the person asking the question is already being “developed” by their partner. Judging from your post, wouldn’t you say that your partner is taking the initiative during play? Taking the initiative doesn’t mean refusing to accept what the other person wants. It means accepting their wishes while still leading things in your own direction. For example, you wrote: “However, whenever I start teasing her, she asks me to put it in, so I’ve been keeping foreplay fairly minimal lately.” This makes it sound as though your partner is the one in control. While accepting what your partner wants, guiding things as though they were your own suggestions and intentions is the foundation of “development.” From there, you can establish rules led by you and suggest new activities—the kind of development you’re referring to. ② After having sex several times, when I stimulate her clitoris while inside her during the latter half, she seems to genuinely enjoy it several times, so I think we’re fairly compatible. From this comment, it seems to me that you may be having sex partly to show off how skilled you are. True compatibility is about how much the two of you can accept and accommodate what the other person wants. It’s not about the number of orgasms or how loudly someone moans. ③ Lastly, has she been using lubricant since your first encounter? If so, she may genuinely be someone who has difficulty getting wet. It might be worth asking once, “Could we use a little less lubricant?” However, many women enjoy intimacy even though they don’t naturally get very wet. Reducing the lubricant could cause friction and hurt her, so I think this may be something you should simply accept. As an aside, many women are aroused by a man’s masculine, instinctive side, while feeling safe with his paternal side. Perhaps your partner can sense your “fatherly” side, allowing you to earn her trust and make her feel secure, but you haven’t yet shown her your more masculine side. The reason some married women don’t get wet with their husbands but do with their affair partners may lie in this difference between “masculinity” and “fatherhood.” I hope your sex life continues to improve. Thank you.

I’m a male member, “Paper Airplane.” If you’re young, I think you’d be better off gaining some experience with ordinary dating first. You’re already a no-go simply because you brought up lotion beforehand.

I’m in Seattle. It might hurt without lubricant. Could you gently let him know beforehand that it may hurt, and that you’ll always apply lubricant right before penetration?

I’m Ayase Nana, a female member. Why not ask what kind of intimacy she’d like? She might want to be restrained—her whole body, perhaps. She may also want you to use your tongue all over her. Personally, Ayase Nana likes things a little intense and enjoys being kissed and licked all over. I can even squirt, and I’m the type who likes to get carried away with a vibrator—LOL. But I’ll adapt to my partner. It has to feel good for both of you, right? Are your fingernails trimmed short? And if the lotion is dripping everywhere, doesn’t it feel unpleasant to lick? If you’ve met about five times, I think it’s about time you brought it up. If that doesn’t work, move on. There are plenty of other girls. A man who thinks about a woman’s comfort deserves to be with a good woman. By the way, the right amount of lotion is about one fingertip’s worth, up to the first joint of your index finger.

I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member. I vote for Riichi’s “honest debrief”! This discussion is really important. Looking back, I remember that things started moving in a much better direction after we had this talk. I think it was about three months after we started seeing each other. I definitely recommend it.

I’m Kazu, a male member. > Is it okay to ask her to use less lubricant because she’s using too much? I think it’s fine. > Should I start steering things toward what I like, or should I continue going along with her preferences so she doesn’t dislike me? I try to steer things toward what I like while gauging her reaction so she won’t dislike me. Besides, women I become close with will ask me what I want them to do.

Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here. > Is it okay to tell her that there’s too much lotion and ask her to use less? I think it depends on how close the two of you have become. If you’ve met around ten times, I think it would be fine to mention it. If you’ve only met a few times, it might be better to wait a little longer. She probably has her own reason for doing it discreetly, such as having trouble getting wet, so until you’ve become closer, there may be some kindness in simply not saying anything. > I recently found a wonderful partner in terms of both her appearance and personality, as well as the terms of the arrangement. I’d appreciate some advice on how to move things forward smoothly. I think it also depends on your personality, but judging from the fact that you’re asking this question, you don’t seem like the type who could just say it to her outright. If that’s the case, it may be best to leave things as they are until you become close enough that you can be honest with each other to some extent. As you grow even closer and feel comfortable sharing some of your true feelings, try gradually talking about what’s on your mind. For now, I think you should focus on building a relationship of trust.