How honest should I be with someone who tries to control me by saying he doesn’t want me to see anyone but him? Is it okay to tell him roughly how much I’d like to receive each month? I’m talking about someone whose terms I might consider worthwhile enough to keep him around.

Why not keep things going by meeting three times a month on a ¥30,000 pay-per-meeting arrangement? You both got so caught up in negotiating that things turned hostile. You don’t have to be brutally honest about everything. Isn’t it okay to have a few kind lies or secrets that make the other person feel good? Lately, I’ve really been thinking that you should use your head when doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). I’m not usually very calculating and tend to just be myself, but seeing how awkward both men and women are on this Q&A site, I find myself thinking that maybe they should use their heads a little more. Marika

I’m Aya, a female member. If he has potential, you should really lean into the romance angle. He’ll get hooked and increase both how often he sees you and how much he pays. It depends on how much he can afford to spend on papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), but the more he falls for you, the more money he’ll spend on you. Basically, you just need to draw out as much as he’s willing to give—but that takes a fair amount of effort. Lie convincingly and make him fall for you.

Maezawa from the CEO’s Office here as well. > I’m wondering how I should persuade him if he’s a man I want to keep seeing. I don’t think persuasion will work, so you shouldn’t try to persuade him. You’ve already lost at that point. Between men and women, it’s better not to rely on logic. For example, in this case, you could say something like: “You’d really see me three times for an allowance of 30,000 yen per meeting? I’m so happy. I might actually fall for you. You’re so kind, and you have a youthful energy that makes me forget your age. Plus, you always take me somewhere with such a nice atmosphere for dinner. I’m really happy we get to see each other every time. “What day and time should we meet next week?” “Okay, then it’s a promise. Take me somewhere with a nice atmosphere for dinner again, okay? Of course, I’m looking forward to what comes after that, too.” “What? Other men? Hehe. If you make me like you even more, then maybe. At the moment, I’d say there’s a good chance that could happen.” If you can learn to handle men skillfully like that, things will probably go more smoothly. In any case, you can avoid giving a definite answer without actually lying—by dodging the question or changing the subject, for example. Women also have plenty of other ways to do this, such as acting sweet or leaning on him. I don’t think arguing with someone or proving them wrong will lead to a better outcome between a man and a woman. The same applies when it’s someone you want to keep seeing. Casually make your request, and if it seems unlikely that he’ll agree, just keep seeing him as before. Then, if a better man comes along, say goodbye to the one you have to put up with. And while you’re keeping him around, make sure he doesn’t catch on—keep sending him your strongest “I really like you” signals. That seems like the best approach. Actually, I think most women do this naturally without being told. That’s why you often hear men say things like, “I suddenly can’t get in touch with her anymore. I wonder why?” It’s obvious that she’s been putting up with him, but many women are good at hiding it, so I think men end up mistakenly believing that she’s fallen for them even though they’re offering a low allowance.

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. If you’re in a relationship, whether or not you see other people should be up to you. The same goes for the club—if you have a good relationship, it should be the woman’s decision. So, ideally, you should break up with a man who thinks that way. I believe having that mindset will help you attract better men. That said, you can’t control the offers you receive… and it would be a problem if they stopped altogether. Whether it’s 30 or 50, I think it’s fine to be honest about what you really want. Given your appeal, he probably understands to some extent. That doesn’t necessarily mean the allowance will be adjusted accordingly, though. I think a man asking about this is a sign of insecurity. Even if you were telling the truth, he’d probably remain suspicious and doubtful. People need to feel needed and accepted. So if you feel like you’re being “kept on the side,” that also means you’re needed in some way. For the man you’re continuing to see, it’s important to reassure him by communicating that sense of being needed—the thing he’s looking for. If possible, you should also genuinely feel and recognize the qualities that make you feel that way.

I’m Nana Ayase, a female member. I think it’s okay to lie skillfully. The money I earn through papa-katsu is what I live on, so the more I have, the more peacefully I can live. Besides, you haven’t promised to marry him, and I’m sure he’s offering to meet other girls too. If you absolutely want to keep him, you could focus exclusively on him—but the amount would be smaller, though.

I’m Kazu, a male member. > I was surprised that he was trying to have me all to himself on a pay-per-meeting basis, especially since the amount was at the low end of the going rate. I honestly told him that I might consider a monthly arrangement if I received the full monthly amount at the beginning of each month, but under his terms, I couldn’t possibly limit myself to just one person. I think this explanation is what caused the conversation to go off track. It wasn’t that you disliked the pay-per-meeting arrangement itself. You simply weren’t willing to commit to one person for pay-per-meeting 3, three times a month—in other words, 9 per month. The reason the discussion became so uncomfortable is that you never stated the real reason: “Pay-per-meeting 3, or 9 a month, isn’t enough.” Since you’re asking for advice like this, I get the impression that you’re not very good at brushing men off with lies. I actually find women like that more appealing, but I don’t think you should force yourself to do something that doesn’t suit you. Personally, I prefer women who clearly say, “I registered with the dating club because I need ○○ a month. If you can cover that amount and continue being a good papa (a male supporter), I’d be willing to see only you.” Besides, that man was getting way ahead of himself by talking about exclusivity when you two haven’t even slept together yet（笑）. Is he really planning to keep meeting a woman three or more times a month for pay-per-meeting 3, even if she’s the type who keeps her promises but is completely unresponsive and doesn’t want to give him a blowjob? I’d like to teach that man that whether it’s pay-per-meeting or not, if he gives a woman more than the amount she needs each month and she doesn’t find him unpleasant, she’ll naturally end up seeing only him.