I’ve been reading through this Q&A box. The other day, a papa (a male supporter) I had already met several times lowered my allowance when we met. I noticed it on my way home and asked whether I had done something to offend him, but he said he was drunk and didn’t remember.
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Is he simply trying to cut ties with me?
Personally, I’ve recently been disappointed by how many people do things like this, reschedule without meaning any harm even though we had plans, and then don’t really apologize afterward. Of course, I’m especially careful not to cancel at the last minute myself.
When a papa wants to cut ties, is it standard to just stop replying and block him?
Thank you in advance.
Maezawa from the “President’s Office” here.
A reduction in the allowance is something you discuss beforehand and only make after the other person agrees.
This wasn’t a reduction—it was unilaterally lowering the allowance without getting the other person’s consent. I think that alone has already broken the trust between you.
Of course, if he said something like, “I thought I paid the usual amount, but I came up short. I’ll make it up next time—sorry,” then it may have simply been an honest mistake.
But saying, “I was drunk and don’t remember,” is the worst possible response.
It will probably be difficult to trust him going forward, so I think ending things would be best for you in the long run.
When ending things, it seems standard to simply block him without replying.
That said, if there was no betrayal like this and you just want to end the relationship, then, as Aya suggested, saying, “I’ve quit papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan),” seems like the safest option.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
This isn’t a case of negotiating a lower allowance—it’s deliberate deception. Even if you tell her you never received the agreed allowance, she’ll probably insist that she definitely gave it to you, and bringing up what happened in the past is unlikely to resolve anything.
You should cut ties with someone who behaves like that immediately. Even if she contacts you again, I think it’s perfectly fine to block her.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Some people are capable of having a conversation, while others aren’t.
It’s hard to imagine having a meaningful dialogue with someone who unilaterally reduces your allowance, then dodges the question by saying they were drunk and don’t remember why.
Trying to communicate with someone who isn’t willing or able to engage in dialogue is just a waste of energy. When you’re dealing with someone like that, blocking them is usually the best move.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
I’m with Aya on this one!
Reducing the allowance is a difficult decision, so it’s best for both of you to discuss it thoroughly and come to an agreement. There’s always a reason behind it, so try to have a relationship where you can be honest with each other.
If you can’t agree to the reduction, I think it would be better to end the relationship. Rather than suddenly cutting off communication, you should let him know that you want to bring things to an end.
The man may be able to learn from being turned down and apply that lesson to his next relationship.
I also reduced the allowance starting in the third year of our relationship. She’s a very good girl, and it wasn’t to the point where I wanted to end things, but her living situation had changed, so I stopped covering the transportation costs I had been paying until then.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
I don’t like being asked to lower my allowance… If it were me, I might end things. It’s not enjoyable to receive support from someone who seems financially strained if they’re forcing themselves to do it.
When ending things with a papa, how about saying, “I’ve stopped doing papa-katsu,” and hiding your profile from him only until you deactivate your account, so you don’t make an enemy of him?
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I’m Taro, a male member.
There are all kinds of people and situations, so I don’t think you can make a blanket judgment. Cutting someone off is easy, but if you make one more effort to understand why things ended up that way, you may find that it wasn’t actually a problem after all. By turning it into a financial relationship, you’re doing things you normally wouldn’t do unless you became very close, right? If you simply dismiss it as “that’s just how these arrangements work,” it’s no different from using an escort service. I think the whole experience can feel very different if, instead of writing it off, you make the effort to examine the situation down to the tenth decimal place, so to speak.
Of course, some people are simply no good. I also think it’s fairly important to develop the intuition to recognize those people—not just rely on logic. It’s difficult when you don’t get many offers because you can’t build up experience, but I think you can do it.
As for your question: when people decide to cut someone off, I think they often just stop replying and block them. Either explaining feels like too much effort, or their feelings are too complicated to put into words. There isn’t much middle ground.
Wishing you the best.
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