Isn’t it standard to receive the allowance upfront?

I’m Flag Maker, a columnist. Hmm… Can’t you get a rough idea of a man’s personality from whether he pays the allowance upfront or afterward? That’s how I’d look at it and use it as a reference for figuring out my approach. For example, someone who pays upfront may be considerate—in other words, you could act slightly casual so he doesn’t feel obligated to worry about you. Someone who pays afterward may be more self-confident—in that case, you could flatter him, praise him, and build up his ego. Just as examples. In any case, if you focus on “making effective use of your environment and circumstances,” there may be ways to handle things. This may be somewhat unrelated, but the protagonist of Naoki Urasawa’s *Master Keaton* is a master of using his surroundings, escaping dangerous situations by making use of whatever is available. You might find that useful as a reference.

Maezawa from the President’s Office will answer this too. > Isn’t it standard to receive the allowance upfront? Under the Universe rules, the ¥5,000–¥10,000 thank-you payment for dinner is normally given upfront. Men who say, “That’s just something the club asks for, right?” are men who can’t do what’s standard. They’re the type who want to prioritize their own ideas, so even if you date them, I don’t think it will turn into a good arrangement. However, when it comes to the allowance for an adult relationship (intimate) after dinner, it’s a much more difficult issue. On dating apps, there are cases where men deceive women, so women naturally feel uneasy unless they receive the money upfront. Apparently, many women end up not being paid at all. From the man’s perspective, there are also cases on apps where he pays upfront and the woman simply leaves. It seems that on dating apps, perhaps half of both men and women are looking to deceive the other person. As a result, even women who genuinely intend to follow through want to be paid upfront because they don’t want to be deceived, while men prefer to pay afterward. That seems to be the situation. So, are dating clubs safe? Even at a dating club, although the club keeps members’ identification documents, these are still relationships based on free romance, not commercial sex. There is still a possibility that a woman won’t receive her allowance. With that in mind, it seems reasonable for men to pay upfront. > Does paying upfront turn men off? Apparently, many men do find it off-putting. Many men have used commercial sex services, and apparently some have used them extensively. And it seems that at such establishments, women ask for the money upfront when they enter the hotel. Perhaps some intimidating guy comes after them if they don’t pay. Because they’ve had that experience so many times, when a woman asks to be paid upfront, memories of past sex workers come to mind. They may have been hoping to enjoy a pleasant time with a woman who isn’t a sex worker, only to suddenly think, “Is she a sex worker?” So many men dislike it. Who knows how many sex workers they’ve been with, though（笑） So I think it would be good if you could also try to understand how men feel about this. As a compromise, I think it’s best to record your discussion about the terms with the man and receive the payment afterward. Be sure to discuss the terms. Some men may say, “I thought this was romance—why does it cost money?” or hand you only ¥10,000, saying that it’s just transportation money. But that ¥10,000 is usually the dinner thank-you payment, so it’s essentially the same as having an adult relationship for free. Therefore, when discussing the terms after being invited to an adult relationship, ideally you should say something like: “I’m sorry, but the club has asked me to do this…” and receive the dinner payment first. Then, after receiving the dinner payment, discuss how much the terms for what comes afterward will be. Otherwise, a man who says “adult 5” is effectively offering the same as 4. (The dinner payment is usually 1, and ¥5,000 is generally what men offer someone they don’t intend to invite afterward. Since they offer 1 to someone they do want to invite, a man offering only ¥5,000 is usually not interested. Occasionally, though, you’ll find men who are poor or stingy and offer ¥5,000 to everyone.) The reason for recording the discussion is to prevent men from reducing the amount later. Even with a recording, you probably still won’t receive the money in many cases, but you can report to the club that the man lied to you. Even if the club says it doesn’t get involved in free romance, a man who lies is no longer behaving like a gentleman. If he has done the same thing to other women, there may even be a chance that the club will forcibly terminate his membership.

Seattle here. No matter the arrangement, I hand over the full amount as soon as we meet, before the meal. I don’t want them worrying about when they’ll get paid. I was the kind of person who finished my summer homework in July. I didn’t study for even a minute in August. And I eat taiyaki from the tail first.

I’m Date◎Yume, a male member. I’m with Paper Airplane! Dating through an exclusive dating club is really difficult, isn’t it? (lol) Of course, we all know how it works, but should you be completely direct? Or is it better to soften things a little? It really depends on the person, and I’ve come to realize—now in my third year as a club member—that the impression you make on your partner can change accordingly. The opinions of people who are experienced—or even experts—at this kind of dating are very helpful. I completely understand how you feel about asking this question, though… (lol) Rather than being too stingy, if you focus on having an enjoyable relationship that benefits both of you, you may find that sooner or later, you won’t worry so much about the details. I’ve been handing over the allowance in advance from the very beginning, based on what I’ve learned from this Q&A site, but none of the women have ever checked how much was inside. (lol)

I’m Kazu, a male member. Whether the allowance is paid upfront or afterward—or, for that matter, monthly or by bank transfer—it’s still an allowance, and the relationship is still based on an allowance, so it doesn’t kill the mood for me. In fact, I think it’s better to put her at ease by paying upfront, so even after meeting dozens of times, I hand over the envelope as soon as we enter the room. If that kills the mood, then I don’t see why they engage in relationships through an escort club in the first place. That said, this is only how I personally feel. Whether to pay the allowance—apart from the transportation fee specified by the club’s rules—before or after is up to each individual. So, paying the allowance upfront isn’t a given.

I’m a male member, Paper Airplane. > But from a man’s perspective, isn’t it a turnoff to hand over the money upfront? > Doesn’t paying afterward feel more like you’re “buying” something? With sex work, compensated dating, and prostitution, the money is handed over upfront and the terms are negotiated, so to me, paying upfront is what creates that feeling of “buying.” Once it starts to feel too businesslike, it’s natural to lose interest. That’s why, if you’re going to pay upfront, I think you need to make sure it doesn’t come across that way. Personally, I pay upfront with C-type arrangements. However, with someone I especially like, I don’t discuss the amount and simply hand it over. With others, I tell them the amount and pay upfront. With B-type arrangements, it often happens naturally, so I give the allowance when we’re parting ways without discussing the amount. None of the women I’ve been seeing for a long time were the type to ask about the amount, state the amount they wanted, or already have a specific amount in mind. It seems to me that women are better off not bringing up money or making it too obvious that money is involved.

I’m Aya, a female member. The papa I’ve been seeing for a long time always gave me an envelope when we first started. But perhaps he eventually became uncomfortable with the exchange of money feeling like prostitution, so he switched to monthly bank transfers. The closer you become, the more your distrust of the other person fades, so sometimes I wonder if it’s best to find a papa you really click with as soon as possible and focus on that relationship.