Could I ask for everyone’s advice…? What should I say when a male supporter asks what I want to become or what I’m aiming for in the future while negotiating my allowance?
This content is machine-translated.
I originally started using the club to repay my student loans, but now that I’m 25, I’m wondering how I should explain my situation…
I can’t say that I want to live alone in the future because I currently live with a parent in poor health. I also don’t spend the money on designer goods—I want to use it to help cover my living expenses. And honestly, I enjoy saving money, which is another reason I’ve continued my club activities.
The reason I suddenly started thinking about this is that a man I had been seeing for two years—someone I met twice a month—told me that since it had been almost two years, he wanted to discuss the future. He asked why I needed the allowance, so I told him it was to help with my living expenses. Then he said, “In that case, you don’t really need this much, do you? At 40,000 yen per meeting, twice a month comes to 80,000 yen. That’s not an amount you can easily earn through an ordinary job, and I want you to understand the value of money. I’m saying this because I care about you.”
I told him that I wouldn’t be able to continue seeing him if he lowered my allowance, and in the end, we parted ways after I blocked him.
We only met twice a month, and I don’t think the allowance was particularly high, but I really enjoyed spending time with him and respected him, so I was hurt that he tried to negotiate it down by giving me various reasons.
I still wonder what the right answer would have been. He also knows my address and where my parents live, so I wish I had ended things a little more smoothly.
I’d really appreciate any advice or thoughts on what I can do from here and how I should handle things going forward…
I’m Tetsu, a male member.
I think you handled it exactly right. What you choose to do with your allowance is entirely up to you—it’s not something anyone has the right to dictate. “I want you to understand the value of money”? That feels like completely unnecessary interference.
If he had truly cared about you after two years together, then when you said you were using it to help with living expenses, he should at least have shown some concern and asked, “Is there something expensive you need to pay for?”
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m a BB7 male member.
Unfortunately, I think he simply wanted to end things because he got tired of her or found someone else.
> “I can’t say that I want to live on my own someday because I’m living with a parent who isn’t in good health. It’s not like I’m buying designer goods—I just want to use the money to help with living expenses. I also enjoy saving money, which is why I continue with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).”
I don’t understand why those reasons would be considered unacceptable.
There are plenty of women who do papa-katsu simply to help with their living expenses, even without pursuing any particular goal.
So I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to supplement your income or enjoy a few small luxuries.
Women who say they’re chasing their dreams or want to start a business often seem to be more attached to their dreams and themselves than to the men they’re seeing. In my experience, many of them are in a transactional relationship and will readily drop a man when it comes down to it.
So personally, I find ordinary women with these kinds of realistic reasons much more likable.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
I think the request to lower the allowance came because the balance of the arrangement was no longer being maintained. I don’t think it necessarily means he was trying to end the relationship.
At the beginning, the allowance is probably set with a little extra included as a sort of goodwill gesture. But as the relationship continues, he may start to feel that he was being a bit too generous and offer an allowance more in line with the reality of the arrangement.
> I still wonder what the right response would have been.
I don’t think there’s any one correct answer.
If you don’t like it, it’s perfectly fine to decline.
If you’re okay with it, you can choose to continue.
Maybe the important thing is for both people to honestly reflect on themselves as they continue the arrangement.
P.S.
Actually, I also reduced the allowance starting in the third year of my relationship. In our case, we chose to continue.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
The owner of the company will answer as well.
It must have been tough hearing that from a man you’d been seeing for two years.
I think he probably had already decided to end things and was only trying to negotiate a lower allowance. That’s why asking why you needed the allowance probably didn’t really mean anything.
For example, even if you had said, “I want to start my own business someday,” I think he would have responded with something like, “Then you should learn the value of money while you’re still young,” and steered the conversation in the same direction.
Even if you had said, “I need to contribute money to my family,” he probably would have come back with something nonsensical like, “In that case, wouldn’t money you earn properly through work be better?”
In the end, your reason wasn’t important. He had simply decided to end things and was trying to negotiate a lower allowance.
I think you were perfectly justified in blocking someone like that.
That said, I think many men you meet through Universe will ask the same question.
There probably isn’t one “correct” answer—they’re likely just asking out of curiosity. Many say they’re asking because they want to support you, but I’ve never heard anyone say, “Then I’ll give you 20 million yen.”
I think it’s probably more along the lines of, “I wouldn’t like it if the money I gave her were being spent on a host.”
For future reference, it might be a good idea to prepare an answer such as, “I want to open my own shop,” and think through the details so you can respond if they ask questions—what kind of shop it would be, for example.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Aya, a female member.
It must have been tough having your allowance reduced after two years.
If someone I was close to asked me why I needed it, I’d say something like, “I really love my papa and want to be with him for the rest of my life, but he’s married, so I don’t know if we’ll always be able to stay together. That means I may have to live alone in my old age, and honestly, it worries me. Maybe I’m trying to save on living expenses now and put aside even a small amount every month so I can feel more secure…”
The key is to convey that this vague anxiety you can’t quite explain yourself stems from your relationship with your papa.
Of course, you can’t say this unless you genuinely like him a lot… But if you maintain this attitude of loving him so deeply, your allowance is more likely to increase than be reduced—there’s no way it’ll go down.
You’re humble, so I’m sure you’ll find another good papa. Keep doing your best!
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Even after two years, it sounds like you’re still completely out of sync with each other.
Rather than looking for some superficially “correct” answer, I feel it’s more important for both of you to value the person in front of you and respect each other’s wishes and feelings.
Basically, it sounds like your relationship never grew beyond the “value of the allowance” for either of you.
And by the way, what takes things beyond the “value of the allowance” isn’t compatibility. It’s effort and consideration.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
I’m Kazu, a male member.
In your case, since you’re not looking to spend the money on things like going to host clubs or buying designer goods, I don’t think he would have felt as uncomfortable. I think it would have been best to simply tell him your real reason.
If I may speculate about what was going through his mind, perhaps after dating for two years, the relationship had started to lose its freshness. Then, when you gave the rather matter-of-fact reason that you wanted an allowance to help with living expenses, he may not have felt much enthusiasm from you. When he said he wanted you to understand the value of money, that may well have been his genuine feeling as well.
In any case, I think the relationship had probably run its course. If I had to give a clear explanation for why you broke up, perhaps it was because the relationship lacked the openness for both of you to express your true feelings, even after dating for two years. That said, lasting two years in a relationship that began through a dating club is quite an achievement.
(3 replies left)
(3 replies left)
💡 This question has no password registered, so the reply feature is unavailable.
If you access from the device/browser used to post the question, you may be able to set a password later.
