I’m a woman in my 20s, C type. I recently received my first offer. After we went to a hotel, I received the agreed-upon allowance during dinner. Once things were over, I was waiting for the room charges to be settled when he said, “You can’t leave until the bill is paid.” When I looked shocked, he said irritably, “You never said the hotel fee was separate,” so I paid it, thinking of it as a learning experience this time.

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. If your luck is just too bad, you have no choice but to give up. Even without checking, I don’t think anyone like that exists. Hopefully, you’ll have some good luck someday to make up for it. You might even meet someone who, separately from your allowance, hands you a 10,000-yen bill and says, “Use this to pay for the meal and hotel.” If that happens, don’t bother checking—feel free to keep the change, even if you still have some 10,000-yen bills left over.

I’m Tetsu, a male member. Wow, that sounds like quite an ordeal. I never would’ve imagined that the hotel fee would be included in the allowance. He was probably one of those rare bad apples—maybe one in a hundred men you meet. Depending on how you look at it, his behavior could even be seen as an attempt to extort you. I’d let the club know what happened so no other women have to go through the same thing. You could ask him to clarify whether the hotel fee is included, but he’d probably just stare at you in confusion when you brought it up (lol).

I’m Maezawa from the President’s Office, and I’ll answer as well. I’m surprised that such a mean-spirited man exists. Please clearly include the name of his club in your feedback—and, if possible, mention it in the body of your post as well—and report him. I would recommend answering “Yes” when asked whether the other party may confirm the details. I don’t think there’s anything to gain from continuing to see a man like this, so even if he checks the facts with you or asks you about them, I don’t think you’ll have anything to worry about. Also, please give permission for your feedback to be published. I think it’s better for as many other women as possible to know about someone this awful, so they can be cautious. If you include the man’s name in the body of your feedback, it will remain publicly visible until it is changed to hidden, so please be careful not to include his name when submitting feedback. That said, once women know the man’s name, they can be more cautious or decline his offers, which I do think is helpful. However, from the staff’s perspective, we have to tell you not to write the man’s name in the body of your post. It’s not quite like the “Don’t push me, don’t push me” routine by Dacho Club（笑） If I were in your position, I might do it too ＞＜ Since this falls under private consensual relationships, unfortunately the club cannot penalize the man. Even so, the staff will come to recognize him as someone to watch out for. They’ll consider it dangerous to introduce women to him. Men who think they can do anything as long as it doesn’t technically violate the rules will probably suffer disadvantages in ways they can’t see. > He looked annoyed and said, “You never said the hotel would be separate,” so this time I decided to treat it as a learning experience and paid. If that’s what he wanted to say, then the man never said the hotel was included either, so I think that’s how the situation came about. Neither of them said anything, yet he forced the cost onto the woman. That’s terrible. Perhaps something happened at the hotel that upset him. Even so, it’s awful for the man to refuse to pay the hotel bill. Although the club is not supposed to get involved in private consensual relationships, if this happened during the club’s business hours, you could have called the club from there and asked what to do. You might get a rigid staff member who simply says the club can’t get involved, but most staff would probably try to find a way for the two of you to resolve things amicably through discussion. > I assumed the man would pay for the meal and the hotel. I think 99.9% of men pay for the hotel. I’ve never heard of a man refusing to pay the hotel bill. As for the meal, the club explains to men that they are expected to pay, though… > Would it be best to confirm each time with the other person? Or would someone who intended to pay for the hotel from the start find it unpleasant to be asked? I don’t think they would find it unpleasant, but they would probably be surprised to be asked. Some men might even take it to mean, “Does this woman usually expect the hotel to be included?” and then offer to cover it as part of the arrangement. The man in this case was terrible, but I have a feeling it may be better not to ask. Of course, that sounds strange when not asking is precisely what caused this problem. Even so, in my experience, most men will pay without being asked. As for why this particular man became upset, it’s possible he sulked after being told something like, “I can’t kiss you” or “I can’t do oral sex.” So if you have conditions like that, it may be better to explain them when discussing the allowance, along the lines of: “My requested allowance is 50,000 yen, but I’d prefer not to kiss or have oral sex—is that okay?” Of course, some men may decide not to proceed after hearing that. Even so, discussing things in advance can sometimes help prevent trouble. In any case, even if something like that did happen, trying to make the woman pay the hotel bill means this man was no gentleman. And if nothing happened and he did it anyway, then he’s simply an awful person…

This is Seattle. He’s the only one that stingy. I’ve never heard of anything like that before. Seriously?

I’m Aya, a female member. I can’t believe a papa like that is on a dating club… Whether he was just cheap or deliberately trying to mess with you, that’s awful. I’d chalk it up to bad luck. Personally, I might tell my next papa about it as a funny story and try to get a laugh. Otherwise, I don’t think I’d feel any better. Here’s hoping the next one is better.

This is Chikuwa, a male member. It never even crossed my mind to make the woman pay for the hotel. My understanding is that the man generally covers all expenses during the date. There are all kinds of people out there, so when you’re dealing with people, things like that happen sometimes. And if you run a business, you see even more of that kind of thing (lol). If it really bothers you, report it to the club!

I never said the hotel cost was included, either. But it’s unfair to back out at this point. Marika

I’m Kazu, a male member. “Hotel expenses are separate” is something I hadn’t heard since I last used a dating site two years ago. In my understanding, at a dating club, the man covers the cost of the meal and the hotel. That man would probably be better off using a dating site rather than a dating club. I’ve made countless offers, but I’ve never once been asked who would pay for the hotel. So I might be surprised if someone asked me to clarify that. I might even get annoyed and think, “Do I really look that stupid?” You could perhaps add, “The first man who made me an offer said that he would cover the hotel,” as a conversation starter, but depending on the man, that might also make him wonder irritably whether you’re always having adult relationships through dating clubs. So, all things considered, I think it’s wiser not to ask. You should probably also avoid adding, “Hotel expenses are separate,” since it gives off the impression that you used to engage in prostitution through a dating site. To repeat myself, even without asking, 99.9% of men assume that the man will pay for the hotel. By the way, I recommend copying the exact wording of this question into the post-date survey and reporting it to the club. If you report it, they’ll probably ask whether they may verify the facts with the man, so you can choose whatever approach you prefer. If you agree to let them confirm it with him, the club should contact him to verify what happened. That way, you’ll know that the man understands he did something wrong. The downside is that he may hold a grudge against you, thinking the club reprimanded him because you reported him. If you tell them not to contact him because you’re afraid of retaliation, they won’t verify it with the man, but the incident will probably be recorded on his page in the club’s internal blacklist. If the club receives several similar reports about him, they should take some kind of action. Unfortunately, it sounds like your first offer came from a disappointing man, but they can’t all be like that. In fact, this is the first time I’ve ever seen a question about who pays for the hotel in the Q&A box. Let’s look forward to the next offer from a normal man. P.S. I was so shocked by the question that I forgot to mention this, but even on dating sites, it was standard for hotel expenses to be separate.（笑） The only places I can remember where the hotel fee was included were probably the adult entertainment establishments around Toganocho and Gotanda.