Is it okay to ask the woman to make a reservation at a restaurant she recommends?
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I’m a man who’s been doing this for about three years.
I’m starting to get tired of planning and arranging every date from start to finish.
I offer options and ask her what kind of places she’d like to go to, but in the end, I still handle everything from finding the restaurant to making the reservation.
I don’t think it would be appropriate from the very first date, but is this supposed to be the man’s role?
It takes time, and I’ve started wondering what exactly I’m doing when I’m the one paying as well.
I’d appreciate opinions from both men and women, as well as any examples that might be helpful.
I’m Tetsu, a male member.
I sometimes let the woman choose the venue as well. If I’m short on time or unfamiliar with the area, I’ll have the club let her know, and I may ask her to choose even for the first meeting.
> It takes time, and I’ve started wondering what I’m even doing when I’m paying for this.
That feeling strikes me as odd. You may want to think again about why you’re using the club in the first place.
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I’m honestly pretty bad at it.
I overthink whether my papa (male supporter) will like the place, so I can never decide. I worry that it might be too expensive or too cheap, too unpopular or too crowded, or inconvenient to get to. Then there’s whether it has parking and if a high-roof vehicle will fit…
So some women might like being able to choose their favorite restaurant, while someone indecisive like me might find it stressful and worry about being disliked.
Marika
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
Having the woman make the reservation every time is perfectly fine.
If she’s proactive about making reservations, it can even work well after you’ve met a few times. You can go to whatever kind of food she’s in the mood for and whichever restaurant she wants, and she can guide you there too, making it feel like a fun little adventure.
If searching gets tiring, you can use the highly rated restaurant rankings on Ikyu and choose places rated 4.7 or higher. It can make discovering new restaurants enjoyable, and since value for money is factored into the ratings, overpriced places tend to be filtered out, helping you find genuinely good restaurants.
Alternatively, find a restaurant you absolutely love. The girl may start saying she wants to go there again and try everything on the menu, so you’ll never have to worry about deciding where to go.
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Maezawa from the President’s Office here.
I think it’s perfectly fine for the woman to make the reservation too.
But if you’re feeling tired from having to plan and arrange every date yourself, it might be better to take a break from papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) for a while.
Your fatigue may come across to the other person, which probably wouldn’t be ideal.
If you stop for a while, your energy might come back.
Then again, maybe you’re simply getting older...
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I think that’s perfectly fine. Sometimes, after we meet, we discuss what we feel like eating, and she’ll call the restaurant and make the reservation.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
No, I don’t think it’s strange at all. As long as you’re not complaining about or getting upset over the restaurant she chose, I don’t see any problem.
Personally, if a papa is particular about food, I leave the restaurant choice up to him. Since the places you choose each time may be quite nice, she might simply be thinking, “He probably has strong preferences when it comes to restaurants, so I’ll let him take the lead rather than insisting on my own choice.”
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