I have a question about whether to share my real name.
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First, for context:
I recently joined and offered to meet four women, and all four told me their real names when we parted.
Of course, it’s not like I saw any kind of ID or anything; they simply said, “My real name is ○○.”
Because of my job, I take various precautions to avoid being identified—for example, I say I work for an event management company instead of saying I’m an idol. I also use a separate device and phone line so my calls are completely separate, and of course I use a randomly generated club name rather than my real name.
Everyone I’ve met so far has been wonderful and treated me very well, so I feel a little guilty that they’re willing to tell me their real names while I’m hiding various details about myself.
So here’s my main question:
When you’re active on the site, do you stick to your club name? Or do you tell someone your real name after meeting them in person?
I imagine it isn’t necessarily one or the other, and that some people tell their real names in certain situations but not in others. For those of you who do that, what makes you decide when to share your real name?
I’d appreciate any advice to help me with my future activities.
I’m Tetsu, a male member.
I tell people my real name. Since my club name never felt right, I ask women to call me by my real surname as soon as we meet.
I suppose it was my own fault for not coming up with a club name and leaving it up to the club coordinator (笑). But these days, I can bring it up by asking, “Didn’t you think it was a strange name?” and use it as a conversation starter, so I think it worked out well in the end.
With this kind of activity, there are people of both genders who don’t want to share their real names, and I think using an alias is perfectly fine. Using a separate phone line is also a good idea. On the other hand, anyone who can’t understand the need for those things probably isn’t suited to this kind of activity.
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I’m in Seattle.
Whether you share your real name probably depends on your line of work. I’m a nobody—nothing comes up when you search for me—so I tell them my real name right away.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
Basically, I don’t tell them my real name.
However, if we’ve been seeing each other for a few months and I happen to learn her real name—say, when booking plane tickets for a trip together—I feel it wouldn’t be fair for me to know hers while keeping mine secret, so I tell her mine as well.
If things have progressed that far, I think it’s fine to share it.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
At first, I used to give fake information too, just like the person asking the question. But as I became closer with certain people, I started telling them the truth.
For example, if you were going overseas together, you’d have to give your real name so they could book your flight. But I wouldn’t consider traveling abroad with someone I didn’t trust in the first place, so I think it’s really about that.
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I’m Hikōki, a male member.
Whether it’s your real name or not, I don’t think you need to worry about it too much.
Given your circumstances, if there’s no situation where your real name would come up, you don’t need to tell him.
If you do decide to share it, it’s best to do so on the first day, so you won’t have to worry about getting it wrong later.
Also, even if he happens to learn your real name—for example, if someone calls and you answer using it, or you show him something with your name on it—it’s probably less confusing to keep using the same name as before.
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