I’m being harassed by a male member I ended things with. When I answered a call from a blocked number, the man said, “I saw the post on the message board.” I hurriedly searched my own phone number and found that my personal information had been posted on a phone-number review site’s page for my number. It also mentioned papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), and I’m feeling really depressed about it.

I don’t know whether the person you mentioned— > the one you went shopping with on your second date (about ¥50,000), then parted ways without an adult relationship (intimate) —is the one behind the harassment. But if so, then, quite simply, you probably made an enemy, just as you said. I don’t know why you ended things or how you did it, but if you suddenly blocked them, said goodbye without any explanation, or ignored their messages, then as cold as it may sound, you brought it on yourself. If you truly did nothing wrong, why not simply stand your ground and insist that it’s nothing more than a rumor or harassment, and that you’re not involved in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)?

I’m Tetsu, a male member. If you want to resolve this once and for all, you’ll probably have no choice but to hire a lawyer. That said, hiring one right away may be difficult financially, so you could first send the person you suspect a message along these lines: “I’m having trouble because my personal information has been posted on a message board. I’m consulting with the club and a lawyer and preparing to request that the board administrator disclose the poster’s IP address. Before taking that step, I’m contacting everyone I shared my personal information with to confirm whether they posted anything on the board. If it turns out that you did post there, I will request disclosure of your personal information from the club and take legal action.” I think it would be worth trying something like that.

I’m Taro, a male member. I lost any sympathy for her the moment I heard that she got him to pay for a ¥50,000 shopping trip and then said goodbye（笑）. I think the key point is how many men she has treated this way—doing things that would make them feel uncomfortable. I don’t know whether the man who called was actually that person, but all he said was, “I saw the post on the message board.” We don’t even know whether he was the one who wrote it. There are several layers of uncertainty, so I imagine it’s difficult for the person seeking advice to take action. Also, you should probably assume that the police or legal procedures will only really work if you’re completely beyond reproach and have been seriously harmed by what happened. When it comes to minor offenses involving conduct that may be legally permissible but ethically questionable, very few people are likely to get involved. You occasionally see people like that being written about online, don’t you? There was someone who made me feel extremely uncomfortable, and some time later I happened to discover that she had been written about online. On the other hand, there was also someone who stayed in touch with me for about ten years, yet when we first met, she had been absolutely trashed online. As for a solution, I think Kaz is right that changing your phone number is the final answer. Beyond that, perhaps all you can do is use this as a lesson and reconsider your own behavior. If you believe you’ve done nothing wrong, then you don’t need to do anything.

I’m Aya, a female member. That’s awful… If it was that man—which seems highly likely—he’s absolutely the worst. I’m so angry on your behalf that I almost want to deal with him myself. I’ve had a similar experience, so I really understand how anxious you must feel. It’s painful, isn’t it? If you react to what was posted on an online forum, it may actually cause it to rank higher in search results. And if the staff contact the man, he could fly into a rage and retaliate even more cruelly. The resentment some men harbor toward women in papa-katsu can be beyond anything you’d imagine, so taking any action against him could be dangerous. If you absolutely have to do something, it might be best to consult a lawyer. It’s incredibly upsetting, but the safest option seems to be leaving it alone and waiting for time to pass. I had a really unpleasant experience too, but I’ve been more careful since then and haven’t suffered the same kind of harm again. I suppose all I can do is consider it an expensive lesson.

Maezawa from the President’s Office here. > I also consulted the club, but when they checked with the person in question, I was told they couldn’t take any action because they were concerned about the potential fallout if he turned out not to be the culprit. Really? That seems a little cold. I feel they could at least make an inquiry. They could say something to the man along the lines of: “We have a woman who is currently having trouble, and we’re contacting every man she has gone on a date with. Her phone number was posted on a message board, and she’s having difficulty because of it. We don’t believe it was you, but if it turns out that you did make the post, you would be forcibly expelled from the club.” I feel that would be a reasonable way to confirm it. > What should I do? If you’re willing to spend money, I recommend hiring a lawyer who specializes in these kinds of cases. They can help with things such as: - Requesting that the post be deleted—and actually getting it removed - Requesting disclosure of the poster’s IP address - Identifying the individual from the IP address (especially if they’ve made multiple posts) - Seeking damages from the individual (though I wouldn’t expect too much from this part) You may be able to handle it yourself, but in that case, you would probably need to send a formal certified letter citing the legal basis for your request and providing proof that the phone number belongs to you. Also, I feel you should probably change your phone number.

I’m Kazu, a male member. You probably made him hold a grudge. At least it was a valuable learning experience. From now on, it’s probably best not to string along men you don’t actually want to deal with. I also think the staff’s advice was accurate. If the staff contact the man with questions or a warning, there’s a very real possibility that he’ll get carried away or lash out. There’s no perfect solution. I think you should simply block calls from private numbers. They should stop after a while. The more noise you make about it, the more suspicious people may become that the post is true. I don’t think you should panic or make a fuss. If it really continues to bother you, you could consider changing your phone number.