I’m fed up with a male member who keeps changing what he says and doesn’t keep his promises. Do you think it’s okay to tell him how I honestly feel?
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I started a monthly arrangement with a certain man.
Since we meet once a week, I don’t have time to see other men.
I registered with the club because I had a major expense this year for a personal reason, and I wanted to pay it off and reach my savings goal. I was planning to leave the club as soon as I reached my target.
When I told the man this, he said, “I’ll pay the entire expense for you separately from your allowance. If you have any other unexpected expenses, just tell me. I want you to rely on me whenever you’re in trouble. How much is the expense?”
So I honestly told him the amount.
Then he said, “I can’t prepare the full amount, but I can manage half of it.” We agreed that he would give me half the required amount next week.
Even after we parted that day, he told me, “I’ll have the money ready, so don’t worry. You can relax.”
But yesterday, he suddenly messaged me: “I might not be able to prepare the entire amount at once after all. Would it be okay if I gave you ○○,000–○○,000 yen next week and paid the rest over the following meetings?”
Considering his annual income, I feel that “I can’t prepare it all at once” is probably a lie. Maybe he’s worried that I’ll disappear after receiving the money, or he doesn’t want to risk handing over several dozen times my usual allowance in one lump sum.
I had understood him to mean that if I had a necessary expense, I could rely on him and receive that money in addition to my allowance. But now I’m worried that I’ll end up receiving the expense money over two payments without getting my allowance at all.
If that’s the case, I’d only be receiving half the amount, and since my allowance would effectively be deducted from it, it wouldn’t really help much.
I wish he hadn’t made a promise he couldn’t keep in the first place. He always takes me to his apartment after dinner, where we have sex, and I’m starting to feel as though he’s being stingy about both the meal and the hotel costs.
I know I need the money right now and should probably grit my teeth and put up with it, but I’m so put off emotionally that I still haven’t replied.
The first thing I want to confirm with him is whether my allowance is included in that payment, or whether I’ll receive my allowance separately as agreed. Is there a chance he’ll get offended if I ask that? What would be the right way to handle this?
And will I really receive the money in the first place...? Is there a chance he’ll suddenly stop responding?
I realize opinions may be divided on this, but I would appreciate your advice.
I’m Aya, a female member.
I sometimes hear from men in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) that they transferred money after a woman asked them for tuition, only for her to suddenly stop responding. The questioner may be under suspicion from the man as well.
If you tell him how you really feel in a situation like that, it may only fuel his distrust and end your relationship with that papa (a male supporter). Keep those risks in mind, and do your best to meet many papas and increase your overall income.
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I’m baffled by you expecting that one papa (a male supporter) to take on all your debts, and then telling him you’re disappointed because it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.
Read Romane’s blog and try to work toward a more grounded life.
Marika
Oh—I see you didn’t actually say they were debts. Sorry.
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President Maezawa here from the CEO’s office. I’ll answer as well.
A question came in recently about a man constantly changing what he says, so this may possibly be the same man.
Men like that will keep doing the same thing. Once it happens, you should assume it will happen again.
He’s not someone you can trust. You may want to continue seeing him for now, but you should assume you won’t receive any money and only continue on the basis of the allowance.
> Since I see him once a week, I don’t have time to meet other men.
Please look for other people at the same time.
If seeing him weekly leaves you unable to meet anyone else, I think it would be fine to change it to once every two weeks.
> Do you think I should tell him how I honestly feel?
No.
Even if you tell him, nothing will change. It’s important to accept that this is simply the kind of person he is, take what he says with a grain of salt—or assume it’s a lie anyway—and deal with him accordingly.
> Given his annual income, “I can’t prepare it all at once” is a lie.
No, it’s possible that his stated income itself is a lie.
Alternatively, he may have earned a lot in the past but suffered a drastic drop in income because of COVID. It’s possible for someone who used to be wealthy to no longer be so.
> Could asking about that make him upset?
Many men dislike discussing money, so he may become upset.
Either way, he’s a man who can lie without hesitation, so you should continue seeing him assuming that the allowance is all you’ll receive.
> Will I actually receive anything in the first place...?
You may receive nothing, or perhaps just a small amount the first time, but basically, I get the feeling you won’t receive anything.
Never trust someone whose story has changed even once. They’ll do the same thing repeatedly.
Learn to judge men better.
And keep meeting all kinds of different men. The more people you meet, the better you’ll become at figuring out what kind of person someone is.
I recommend finding someone else as soon as possible.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
> Could asking something like that upset him?
In most cases, I think it probably would.
> What would be the right way to handle this?
I think the right thing is to handle it in whatever way feels right to you.
> In the first place, will I really receive the money...? Could he suddenly stop responding?
I don’t know. I doubt even the man himself knows.
The reality is probably that the amount you said you needed exceeded what he had expected.
He tried to win you over by saying, “I’ll give you the money,” without first asking how much you needed. Then he was shocked when he heard the amount, but by that point he couldn’t take back what he had said. You were left with inflated expectations, only to watch them deflate right in front of you, so naturally you’re disappointed. In short, both you and the man simply got a little too greedy.
The world isn’t that easy.
Rather than fixating on that man, I think you should keep patiently looking for a papa (a male supporter), use the allowance to take care of your expenses, and work toward saving money.
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