When I was asked, “How is it being registered with the club? What kinds of men have you met? What kind of person would you like to date?” I answered:

I’m Taro, a male member. That sounds like a rough experience. For future reference, I think it would have been better to stop after saying, “I prefer someone who knows how to behave. I think it’s wonderful when a man understands why a girl has joined a dating club and doesn’t misread the appropriate boundaries.” As for this part: “Also, someone gentlemanly. I think a man’s generosity with his allowance and his gentlemanly nature are remarkably proportional. Men who give a sufficient allowance look more attractive. It’s difficult to date someone whose words and actions make it clear that he doesn’t want to lose money or waste it within his limited budget.” I understand what you were trying to say, but I don’t think you needed to say it. Taken out of context, it could sound like you’re evaluating a man’s “gentlemanliness” and “attractiveness” based on money. I don’t think communication is simply about stating facts. Money, in particular, can be a delicate subject, so I think it’s better to discuss it thoughtfully.

I’m Aya, a female member. That sounds like a real ordeal. Since you answered that way, I assume you weren’t trying to make him like you. But unfortunately, dating clubs tend to prioritize the wishes of the men who pay the introduction fee, so the reality is that it’s best to make yourself as likable to them as possible. Even if you don’t like the man on the first date, unless he does something like physically harm you, you’re better off smiling and acting in a way that makes him like you. That can help you avoid unreasonable complaints like this. If things are truly awful, you can always let the club know beforehand through the feedback process after the date. Still, what a shame...

Maezawa from the President’s Office here. That complaint is awful. That said, when a man can’t get a woman to go to a hotel with him, he’ll often take his frustration out on others. Complaining to the club is one way he does that. If he wants it that badly, he should go to an escort service. But apparently, he just can’t resist blaming someone else when things don’t work out, claiming she was only interested in money or that she was committing a dating-type scam. I imagine you never expected a complaint to be filed, so you let your guard down. But it’s better to send your feedback first, before the man gets the chance. In this case, something like this would have worked: ----- He invited me somewhere after dinner, but I wasn’t enjoying the conversation and found him rather overbearing. I was unsure what to do when he told me he didn’t want to use protection and asked me to take the pill. He also asked me to leave the club. I felt I couldn’t agree to either of those terms, so I declined. I’m sorry, especially after you went to the trouble of introducing us. (Even if you don’t mean it, it’s best to include something like this.（笑）) Also, he asked me: “What do you think of being in the club? What kind of men have you met? What kind of person would you like to date?” I told him: “I’d like someone who understands boundaries. I think it’s wonderful when a man understands why women register with a dating club and doesn’t misread the distance between them. Someone gentlemanly would be ideal, too. I think a man’s allowance and gentlemanly behavior are remarkably proportional—the more generous a man is, the more attractive he seems. It’s difficult to date someone whose words and actions show that he’s desperate to avoid any loss or waste within his limited budget.” After I said that, he seemed to become upset. I’ll be more careful about how I phrase things in the future. ----- It would have been better to send feedback like that immediately after the date. Then, even if the man complained, the club could say, “If he was saying he wanted to do it without protection, it’s understandable that she declined. This isn’t really a complaint—he just sent it because he couldn’t get her to go to a hotel. The woman isn’t at fault.” When you decline a man, assume he’ll send negative feedback and make sure to submit your own feedback first. Also, what you said was correct, but you shouldn’t say it so directly. They say people who speak only the unvarnished truth tend to be disliked. You need enough tact either to keep those thoughts to yourself or to wrap them in several layers of polite wording.

I’m Chikuwa, a male member. Is the person asking actually a female member? No matter how anonymous it is, if an outsider is pretending to be a female member and continuing to play the role of a nasty woman, Universe should sue them. The staff should be able to check whether any complaints like this have been filed. If someone said something like this about me, I’d definitely file a complaint too.

I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member. I think that’s absolutely right. In a dating club, both parties should be free to openly discuss and negotiate what they want. If they’re both satisfied with the terms, that’s when the relationship begins. In this case, I suspect the male member may have felt that she was only interested in money. Why not try negotiating different terms next time? In short, unless the terms satisfy both the man and the woman, the relationship probably won’t develop into an ongoing arrangement.

I’m Flag Maker, a columnist. Saying what the other person probably wants to hear is another valid approach. In a case like this, you could say something that will make them happy, then turn down the date that day using some plausible excuse. I lie to the women I date all the time. When it comes to dealing with women, it’s mostly lies. For example, if I received the kind of response described in the question, I’d immediately straighten my posture and start acting like a wealthy gentleman. I’d quickly press the call button for the waiter and, in an extremely calm, gentlemanly voice, say, “Excuse me. Could you bring us the most expensive item on the menu?” Then, with smooth, gentlemanly movements and a relaxed expression, I’d slip an extra 10,000 yen into the small envelope with her transportation allowance. In other words, I’d play along with the setup. But inside, I’d probably be thinking, “She seems like a lot of trouble.” In the questioner’s case, though, I think she said that because the man wasn’t a good match in the first place. There’s no need to worry about being disliked by someone you don’t like. Just report the facts to the club.

I’m Kamihikōki, a male member. Honestly, you’re both at fault… You two seem like kindred spirits, living by the same rule: men who give generous allowances are wonderful, and women who ask for low allowances are cute. At a club, even one complaint can make the staff unable to recommend someone, and men become much more cautious as well. For men, information about another man is valuable not only to them but also to the staff. Unfortunately…

I’m Kazu, a column writer. I don’t think either you or the man said anything wrong, haha. But I’d feel embarrassed reporting it to the club as a complaint.