I’m Taro, a male member.
To be honest, I used to forget quite often in the beginning. Sometimes I’d realize it when she said, “Um…” on the way to the station, and other times I’d notice after we’d parted and message her on LINE saying, “I’m sorry!” It always happened when I’d had a particularly good impression of her—I guess I’d let my guard down a little. These days, I try to hand it over at the beginning whenever possible.
You should ask for it—or rather, you probably ought to. If I had to suggest how, it’s best to say it hesitantly, like, “Um…” As you said, money can be a delicate topic. But giving transportation money at the first meeting is simply part of the rules, so there’s nothing wrong with asking. Communicate politely, and in return, pay attention to the other person’s reaction before deciding what you think of them.
As an aside, I always put the money in an envelope, but I also keep an envelope containing condoms in my bag. Recently, I noticed that envelope was missing. I hate to think it, but I’m worried I may have accidentally handed it to someone. So, if anyone has ever opened an envelope given to them by a man at their first meeting and found condoms instead of transportation money, it was most likely a mix-up. Please contact the club if that happened. Thank you.
I’m Kazu, a male member.
Personally, if it looks like he’s about to pay for the meal but doesn’t seem inclined to give you transportation money, I think it’s fine to say, “I was told the club would have you give it to me at the beginning.”
That said, as you mentioned, if you feel that pressing a man who doesn’t want money brought up might cost you a good opportunity, then you’ll have to accept being given the money at the station or on the street when you part ways.
The membership rules clearly state: “At the time of a date, please be sure to give the transportation fee (a 5,000–10,000 yen token of appreciation for the date) in advance.” This isn’t merely a request—it’s written in the latest version of the membership rules dated April 8, 2021. I can’t recommend getting involved with a man who can’t follow the membership rules when he hasn’t even been with you for ten minutes on your first date.
I’m Maezawa from the Club President’s Office, and I’ll answer this as well.
> There are so many men who get ridiculously drunk or simply forget naturally, and it’s always a dilemma.
Because so many men forget, the club strongly asks them to hand over the allowance at the beginning of the meal. But they plan to do it later, and that’s why they forget.
I honestly wish there were a penalty for forgetting—not paid to the club, but to the woman.
For example, if he forgets to hand it over, he should have to pay the woman ¥30,000. That’s the least they could do. ¥30,000 is only the usual compensation for dinner only.
Having the man pay a deposit to the club when the first meeting is arranged could work, but the club doesn’t want to deal with the hassle of making the transfer afterward either…
Some men don’t want to pay upfront—how selfish can they be? It would be fine if they absolutely never forgot, but somehow, those are exactly the ones who do. It’s a real problem.
> Is it okay to give it to her when we leave the restaurant?
Ah, you meant where the woman should bring it up with the man.
People who want to pay later tend to be selfish, and they’re also the type who dislike being reminded by the woman.
So I think it’s best to wait until the end. Basically, leaving the restaurant marks the end of the arrangement; after that, the two of you are free to pursue a personal relationship. That’s why handing it over when you leave the restaurant seems best.
He may invite you to go for drinks after dinner, but that falls under personal choice, so you’re free to decline.
He might say, “But it said four hours.” However, that means two hours for dinner and two hours for personal time afterward. Even that is only a guideline, so if dinner finishes in 30 minutes, you’re allowed to decline anything after that.
The level of willingness to pursue that personal relationship is what the relationship type indicates. For type C, for example, the woman will agree about 50% of the time.
At the moment, there are virtually no women who ask for an allowance simply to go drinking. But since it’s technically personal time, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to want an allowance for that as well.
In reality, if you say that, you’ll be labeled money-minded, so you probably shouldn’t directly ask for an allowance. Instead, you can leave by saying something like:
“I was told by the club that anything after dinner is up to us, so I’m going to head home today. Please invite me again sometime. I’ll look forward to hearing from you.”
Incidentally, if you say something like, “I don’t have time,” or “I have plans afterward,” the man may complain to the club, saying that you didn’t keep four hours open.
The club may also tell you that you violated the rules because they asked you to keep four hours available.
So you need to make it clear that you had kept the full four hours open, but chose to decline because anything after dinner is personal time and went home for that reason.
He’ll probably say, “If you don’t have anything else to do, why don’t you come along?” so it may be difficult to refuse. Just remember that mentioning a lack of time is a no-go.
Also, if you do end up accompanying him for drinks and he seems drunk, I think it would be a good idea to record the conversation when you discuss receiving your transportation fare. If he doesn’t pay, you can send the recording to the club as evidence that he was drunk and failed to pay.
I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
If it’s not in the car, I suppose it would have to be in an elevator or at a time when no one else is around…
Men need to make women feel comfortable so they don’t have to be the ones to bring it up.
Until now, not a single woman has brought up transportation costs or an allowance in advance, so it would take a lot of courage and caution for a woman to initiate that conversation.
You can really only judge based on how drunk she is and the way she talks up to that point.
P.S.
> It’s embarrassing because it feels so obviously like papa-katsu.
If a woman brings it up first, the man may be left completely stunned because it suddenly feels unmistakably like papa-katsu, so there are risks involved as well.
If you don’t want to continue seeing her, any timing is fine. And if you’re a man who’s okay with a woman in a transactional relationship seeing multiple partners, I don’t think you need to worry about it that much.
