I’m a male member.

I’m Taro, a male member. Simply put, you should look at the relationship between the costs the other person is putting in and the benefits they’re getting. If they enjoy meeting you, they’ll want to spend more time talking and being intimate with you, right? But if they’re only meeting you for the money, all of that becomes a cost to them, so they’ll try to cut it down. They may use tactics like arriving late or leaving early to shorten the time. Even when they’re technically spending time with you, they might take an unusually large number of bathroom breaks. Or they’ll keep glancing at their phone and turn the meeting into something they can do while multitasking. On the other hand, they may launch a strategy of asking for more money to increase their earnings. Every time you meet, it’s suddenly close to their birthday, or a parent or relative has unexpectedly fallen ill and they need money. It’s less common in Japan, but overseas, that’s a standard tactic. You only need to worry about the other person’s personality and character when you’re thinking about actually falling for them. When your warning sensors go off, focus on the results rather than the process. Whatever the explanation, if the same kind of outcome keeps happening, you should suspect that something is off. First, flag it based on the results. Don’t tell them, and observe and verify things to see whether your suspicions are cleared. In other words, you’re testing whether there’s a chance it only happened by coincidence, even though they aren’t really all about the money. But honestly, that chance is almost zero. On the other hand, more often it’s the kind of situation where you think, “If they’re going all out to pull this off, I almost don’t mind being fooled. You have to admire the skill, even if they’re the enemy.” (lol)

I’m Aya, a female member. One behavior you might expect from a woman who’s only interested in the money is: “Thinking of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) in terms of an hourly wage.” For someone like that, the time spent with her papa (a male supporter) isn’t something to enjoy privately—it’s just a job. So naturally, the higher the hourly rate, the happier she’ll be. That’s why she may try to end the date early or show up late, in an effort to minimize the amount of time she has to spend with her papa. Given that, your intuition is probably right: there’s a good chance she’s primarily interested in the money. If you’re okay with that, you can continue seeing her. But if you feel uncomfortable, as though your time together is being reduced to a financial transaction, then I think it’s best to end the relationship.

I’m Flagmaker, a columnist. Just my gut feeling, but it seems like hardly anyone is willing to listen to men’s problems. Even close friends only do it reluctantly. If you really want someone to listen, you practically have to pay them. In other words, people think, “You’re a grown adult—make your own decisions instead of asking others.” Do you really need to let other people’s values influence your reasons for meeting or not meeting someone? Have some self-respect! lol If being 30 minutes late irritated you, you could just get back at them in bed, right? If you want to meet them, meet them. If you want to do it, meet them. If you don’t want to, don’t. Make your own choice.

I’m Kazu, a male member. I’ve never had a woman I actually met and dated make me feel that she only cared about the money. As for the second half, I’m honestly surprised the questioner keeps going back without learning their lesson. Is the sex really that good?

Maezawa from the President’s Office here, answering as well. > There’s a woman I’ve been on five dates with, and she’s been more than 30 minutes late every time (though she does let me know). If it happens every time, the solution is simple: set the meeting time 30 minutes earlier than the time you actually want to meet. Then, when she messages, “Sorry, I might be a little late,” even if you haven’t arrived at the meeting place yet, just tell her, “I’m already here waiting for you.” If you tell her you haven’t arrived yet, she’ll probably end up being another 30 minutes late. She’ll probably show up on time about once every ten times. When that happens, just use one of the excuses she always gives you and say that you’re going to be a little late. > And yet, she has no problem asking me for things. That way, even if she’s late, she technically isn’t late, so you won’t feel like thinking, “And she still has the nerve to ask me for things.” Once that feeling goes away, her requests may even start to seem cute. Of course, you’ll also figure out how to brush off those requests and when it’s better to indulge them. Once you feel like you’re the one in control, everything about her starts to look cute. Does she seem money-minded? That’s just your imagination. You’re the one in control, after all. If you see her requests as something you’re encouraging her to make, you’ll have plenty of leeway. I think you should simply focus on whether you actually want to be involved with this woman.

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. Being fine with being late no matter how long = being fine with receiving however much money. This probably has less to do with you, the questioner, and more to do with the papa himself being an inconsequential presence to her. Whether it’s an advance, a sudden request, or a bank transfer, she’ll likely keep pushing things further—doing whatever she wants and not caring whether she’s disliked or cut off. I hope you wake up to it sooner rather than later, while it’s still just little requests, and don’t let her personality sway you. Oh, right—the question was: > What did a woman do that made you think she only cared about the money? She was late by more than 20 minutes three times in a row, starting with our very first meeting. I suspect she didn’t even see me as money. If you misunderstand that, though, you may start finding her innocent and adorable—and become attached. These days, I’m constantly reminded that it’s wiser not to get too deeply involved.