About an adult relationship.

I’m Aya, a female member. It’s a difficult question. Ultimately, I think it comes down to whether you like the person or not. If a papa who had previously only taken me out for dinner asked me to stay overnight, I would stay if I felt that I liked him and was comfortable being with him. If I didn’t enjoy it, I could always leave first thing the next morning. If it was unpleasant, you could simply come up with an excuse and decline any overnight stays from then on. I’m the type of person who’s willing to make a somewhat risky investment upfront in order to earn an income, so this is how I handled things. But I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone who doesn’t want to stay overnight even once… That said, if spending time with someone over dinner alone is already painful, it might be better not to stay overnight with them in the first place.

I’m Tetsu, a male member. You should be clear that this is your first adult relationship (intimate) and that you’re not comfortable staying overnight right away. If you’re already feeling even slightly uneasy, it’s easy to predict that going through with it will leave you feeling unhappy. There’s no way you should enter an adult relationship without discussing the allowance. This isn’t a romantic relationship, so you need to draw a clear line there. If you bring up the allowance and your papa (a male supporter) tries to dodge the subject, be prepared to walk away on the spot. If the allowance remains vague and you proceed with an adult relationship (intimate), you may end up being taken advantage of without receiving anything. As for the allowance, people discuss it here all the time, but there’s no fixed going rate. You simply need to decide what amount feels right to you with this particular papa. Since it’s difficult to raise the amount later, it’s better to start by asking for a little more than you really expect. That also makes it easier to negotiate if the subject of lowering it comes up later.

I’m Taro, a male member. It sounds like things may be taking on a somewhat romantic direction. That’s an important step in getting closer, but I think it’s time to shift gears. First, you should convey warmly and positively that you trust him and would be open to an adult relationship (intimate). At the same time, be honest and tell him that jumping straight to an overnight stay makes you a little uncomfortable. To maintain an innocent, classy image, it’s better not to suggest an alternative like getting a room for a few hours. Bring up the allowance at the same time. If you’re too blunt and say something like, “I mean, this is a business arrangement for me too,” it may put him off. Instead, bring it up hesitantly, along the lines of, “I originally joined the club because I needed the money.” At the end of the day, it’s a negotiation, so I think it’s important to have two sides to you: smiling sweetly while aiming a gun at him under the table. I don’t really like the tendency to mock men like this as idiots. The dating clubs deliberately encourage that kind of misunderstanding as part of their marketing—just like they tell women that generous (well-paying) papas are everywhere. Men who fall for it are certainly foolish, but that’s also why you’re getting offers, so accept it as a necessary evil and focus on steering things back on course. If “steering things back on course” is hard to understand, you can think of it as training. Just like training an animal: show affection, scold it when it does something wrong, and reward it when it does what you want. Simply repeat that process, and you’ll have an ATM dedicated to you. Not a bad deal, right?

I’m Flagmaker, a columnist. Any guy whose fragile ego gets turned off when a woman brings up the allowance has no business being in a dating club, lol. You’re in a dating club, after all. There aren’t any men with such weak nerves there, so just be completely straightforward: “What are your thoughts on the allowance for an overnight stay?”

I’m a male member, Paper Airplane. Unless she’s the one who said she wanted to stay overnight, you should cut things off quickly. Even if you continue, he’s clearly making this all about himself, so his misguided, one-sided expectations will only keep growing. Nothing good will come of it… If you’ve met four times and still feel uneasy, you already have your answer.

Maezawa from the President’s Office here, answering as well. Thank you for your question. You could try asking in a fairly direct way, like: “〇〇さん are always so kind, so I’m starting to feel like I might be okay with an adult relationship next time. But I’m sorry if I get scared on the day. I’m not quite ready to stay overnight right away, though, so would it be okay if we just got a room for the day the first time? I trust that I’ll be okay with you, 〇〇さん, but I’m also wondering how much the allowance would be. Could you let me know?” If they refuse after you ask this, then they were probably suspicious to begin with—perhaps they intended to offer a low allowance or none at all. In that case, I think you’ll be glad you found out in advance.

I’m Kazu, a male member. I think you should just say, “We’re not at that stage yet, so I’m not comfortable staying overnight.” What’s with these older guys who never bring up the allowance? They’d be put off if a woman asked, “How much is the allowance?” So I think the man should bring it up promptly instead of making her ask. Until he tells you the allowance, just keep refusing to go to his room.