Can I ask the person who gave me an STI to cover my medical expenses?

I’m a male member, BB7. If you were a virgin and had never had sex with anyone other than that man, then you probably contracted it from him. However, since you weren’t aware of having any symptoms, it’s also possible that you were infected by someone before meeting him and simply didn’t realize it for a long time. That man sounds like a terrible older guy for cutting off contact and not saying a word, but unless you were a virgin, there’s no way to prove who infected whom. The only exception would be if you had been tested before meeting that older man and the result was negative. In that case, it was almost certainly him.

Maezawa from the President’s Office here as well. Thank you for your question. > If I’m given an STD, is it okay to ask him to cover the medical expenses? I think it’s fine to ask. However, the thing is, if the man is genuinely decent, he’ll usually pay for the treatment without being asked—and may even give you extra to cover it. If you feel you need to demand payment, that probably means he isn’t a good man in the first place. I can easily imagine him accusing you by saying, “I didn’t give it to you—you gave it to me.” I wish men like that would disappear from Universe. > If he still cuts off contact, is it worth reporting him to the club? It is worth reporting, but he’ll probably claim that he caught it from you. If anything, I feel the questioner may end up being hidden from other members and losing out. The reason you may be hidden is that you haven’t yet provided proof that your treatment is complete and that you’ve tested negative. Normally, if you feel the man is unforgivable, you would want the club to punish him somehow. But if you say that, you may be treated like a difficult complainer. Also, the club generally won’t tell you what action they took against him, so it can be frustrating to report him and never find out what happened. That said, I definitely think you should report that this is the kind of man he is. I think it’s important to include points like these: 1. I was infected, but I have fully recovered. Attach the negative test results. 2. Clearly explain why you believe you were infected by that particular man. For example: “I hadn’t had an adult relationship with any other men during the previous two weeks, so it couldn’t have come from anyone else.” You need to provide an objective explanation that makes it clear to anyone who reads it why you believe he was the source. 3. I contacted the other men myself, so there’s no problem. (Or state that you aren’t seeing anyone else.) 4. I explained the situation and asked him to cover my medical expenses, but he cut off contact. I’m worried that other women may have been infected in the same way. I’m contacting you because I’d like the club to notify the other women as well. Something along those lines—just state the facts without letting your emotions come through. I understand that you’re angry, but if you become emotional, you may be treated like a difficult complainer, hidden from other members, or even forced to leave the club. Please stick to the facts as much as possible. P.S. > It’s unfair to treat someone as the culprit just because they haven’t had sexual relations with anyone else for two weeks. Now that you mention it, that woman may have been in that situation for several months before this, right? It’s quite difficult to determine. In that case, as Mac-san wrote: “Anyone who contracts an STD for reasons other than rape—whether they transmitted it or caught it—has only themselves to blame. Reflect on it and take precautions so it never happens again.” That said, people who have been infected can usually tell where it came from. If the other person wasn’t sincere, I think it’s better to end things with them. If they are sincere, they’ll probably pay for the treatment and even provide something extra.

I’m Kazu, a male member. My first close encounter with an STI was when I was in my twenties. I had pursued a cabaret club hostess, and we had sex for the first time at her place. I noticed an unusual odor from her genitals, so I later went to a urologist and got tested just in case. The results were negative, but because I was concerned about the odor, I encouraged her to get tested as well. She went to a doctor and, if I remember correctly, was diagnosed with trichomoniasis. She was absolutely furious and contacted me, angrily berating me and insisting that I must have given it to her. But I tested negative, and we had used a condom. I had no idea what I had done to deserve being berated. I had brought up an awkward subject because I was concerned about her health, so I got fed up with being insulted over something I had no knowledge of and told her to stop making baseless accusations. As I recall, we broke up after that. I’m not trying to dispute the claim that the person who asked Question 6332 was being dishonest. However, in your case, are you really sure you caught it from that man? How can you prove it? The fact that he never contacted you again may be because he tested negative and was completely put off by a woman contacting him to say she had an STI. If that’s the case, the dishonest person isn’t the man—it’s you. You should only demand reimbursement for medical expenses when you’re certain that you caught it from that man. Being certain does not mean simply assuming it. Unless you can prove it, I think reporting it to the club would just make you look like a complainer. For the record, I’ve never had an STI. Even so, the incident I mentioned at the beginning taught me that STIs can happen to anyone, so I get tested regularly. One last thing. A few months after that whole incident, the cabaret club hostess called to apologize. She said she believed she had caught it from her ex-boyfriend, though I don’t know whether that was actually true. P.S. > Mr. Maezawa > For example, if she hadn’t had an adult relationship (intimate) with any other man during those two weeks, then there would be no other possibility except that she caught it from that man. It’s unreasonable to treat someone as the culprit just because you haven’t had intercourse with anyone else for two weeks. In the example I mentioned at the beginning, this woman hadn’t noticed the unusual odor from her genitals for several months. There are actually quite a lot of women who don’t notice the smell themselves. (I’ve met two such women at the club as well. I felt it would be inappropriate to report that they smelled down there, so I didn’t leave that feedback.) > Mr. Maezawa > Come to think of it, that woman may have been in that condition for several months, right? Exactly. In short, it’s important to share information that someone has an STI, but you can’t know who they caught it from, so saying, “I caught it from that person,” is simply a baseless accusation. To give an extreme example, it’s even possible to contract an STI without having intercourse. https://diamond.jp/articles/-/166959 According to this article, the woman contracted trichomoniasis despite not having intercourse for two years.

I’m Aya, a female member. That really was awful… It’s not your fault at all. If you took proper precautions, then the man is the one to blame. You must have been so anxious… and scared. If you have documentation, I think it’s reasonable to ask him to pay. Don’t be too forceful, but you could say: “Could you at least cover my medical expenses? I’m in pain in my lower abdomen, and it’s really difficult. I’m also very worried that this could affect my fertility in the future…” He may not realize that there’s a risk of infertility, so I think it would be good to explain that to him. Please don’t give up. It’s painful to see questions like this. I hope you meet a good papa and that your wounds will heal.

I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member. > If I’m infected with an STI, can I ask the other person to cover my medical expenses? I think you should. However, you’ll need objective evidence that the infection came from them. Realistically, that can be quite difficult to prove. I also think you should contact the club. It’s important to have them submit their most recent Partners Check and establish a system where you can make an offer only after confirming that everything is safe.