I’m a woman in my 30s and a member here. There was a question about being expected to meet for free, and it caught my attention because I’ve had a similar experience.
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The man I see doesn’t give me an allowance every time we meet—only occasionally. We used to meet frequently, so I wonder if it’s because I turned down his allowance a few times in the past.
That said, I’m in my 30s, and I understand that I’m not in the same category as women in their teens or 20s, who are in greater demand. So I wonder if I should just accept that sometimes there won’t be an allowance.
Would you ask him to start giving you an allowance again, or would you resign yourself to the occasional meeting without one?
I’d appreciate your opinions.
I’m だて◎ゆめ, a male member.
I’m voting for Mac!
> If you’re satisfied with it, that’s all that matters. If you’re not, you could say, “I’m finding things a little difficult, so would it be possible to receive an allowance each time for a while?” Anything goes.
That wording is great（笑）
If he really likes her, he probably won’t be so stingy!
P.S.
Hmm…
I’m voting for Aya too!
That’s a very insightful answer.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
Others have already answered, but I really don’t think you need to feel self-conscious about being in your 30s. As long as you have the substance to match—and you seem like you do—I think you’ll be fine.
As I get older, I’m also planning to build up my experience in a positive way. If you avoid men who only want to enjoy a young body, and make a reasonable effort with anti-aging, there’s no problem at all. There are plenty of men like that.
(As for turning down the allowance, I think the high frequency of your meetings was probably the reason, so it can’t really be helped… If you want to ask him for more, that would mean raising the rate, which could leave a bad impression and make him cut things off. So fading out and looking for someone new might be one option. Good luck!)
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I’m Maezawa from the President’s Office, and I’ll answer as well.
> If you were in my position, would you ask him to give you the allowance again?
I think you may be making this more complicated than it needs to be. If it seems like he isn’t going to give you the allowance afterward, you could say something like:
“We used to see each other often, so I turned down the allowance a few times. But now we only see each other occasionally, so I would like to receive the allowance.”
> I wonder if I just have to accept it when he doesn’t give me the allowance once in a while.
That’s not the case at all. If you personally don’t mind going without it occasionally, that’s fine, but you shouldn’t think of it as something you simply have to put up with.
There’s a big difference between him not giving you the allowance because you turned it down before and him not offering it because he doesn’t see any value in you.
If you hadn’t turned it down before, this probably wouldn’t have happened, but there’s no point dwelling on that now.
I think you should have more confidence in yourself.
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I’m Flag Maker, a column writer.
Even without asking here, you should be able to get a pretty good sense of what the man is like. If your relationship is such that you can’t bring it up or feel too hesitant to ask, then you’ve still got a long way to go.
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I’m Kamihikōki, a male member.
When you say it was frequent in the past, how often and for how long was it?
If you feel truly grateful to this person, you should continue as things are.
But if you don’t feel that much indebted to them, it’s probably best to move on quickly.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
The idea that it’s somehow understandable for a woman in her thirties to occasionally go without an allowance is something I never would have imagined. Personally, I find women in their thirties far more attractive than piss-smelling teenage brats. It’s laughable for a teenage girl to demand a high allowance, but there’s nothing strange about a woman in her thirties wanting generous compensation. After all, by their thirties, women should be earning a reasonable amount from their day jobs, right?
Of course, I’m talking about women whose minds have matured appropriately for their age. I have no interest in women who are still mentally piss-smelling even in their thirties.
By refusing to pay the allowance several times, you ended up sending the wrong message. If you’re dissatisfied, I think you should say so. In particular, dissatisfaction over the allowance concerns the very foundation of relationships through a dating club.
That said, I think it’s human nature to feel as though you’ve lost out when someone you believed didn’t need an allowance suddenly starts asking for one. When asking a man to pay an allowance, it may be helpful to give him an explanation he can accept internally—for example, that you’ve started struggling a little because of COVID.
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