I’ve never felt emotionally fulfilled. I’ve always been lonely and always wanted something. Even when I get what I want, I soon start wanting something else. What I want now is an absolute sense of security. What can I do to achieve that?
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Am I really going to live with this emptiness, feeling lonely forever?
When do you all feel emotionally fulfilled?
I’m Kazu, one of the male members.
This is just something that occurred to me, but perhaps what you need is confidence and a sense of self-worth.
I believe you need successful experiences in order to build confidence and self-esteem.
I feel truly fulfilled when I achieve a goal I’ve been wanting to accomplish—especially one that seemed like it would take more than ten years.
By a goal that might take more than ten years, I mean something like having 100 million yen. It’s best to start with a smaller milestone, such as saving 10 million yen.
When I was younger and finally reached my goal of having 10 million yen, I remember withdrawing 10 million yen in cash from the bank, bringing the bundle home, and hugging it to really feel that I’d achieved it. Come to think of it, the bank teller scolded me and told me to notify them in advance if I wanted to withdraw that much cash. But even while saying that, they prepared the 10 million yen in cash for me right there. (笑)
I used saving money as an easy-to-understand example, but it’s more fun to set a goal that feels more meaningful than money. I’ve had a bucket list of things I want to do before I die since I was in my twenties.
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I’m BB7, a male member.
Absolute peace of mind doesn’t exist in the first place. No matter how far you go, you’ll never find complete satisfaction.
Anxiety disappears when you accept it as a normal part of life—when you let go of the desire for absolute security, reach a state of acceptance, and stop being so attached to it.
The more you try to find peace of mind, the more it slips away.
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I’m Flagmaker, a column writer.
Because you had a blessed, fully fulfilled life in your previous incarnation, perhaps your soul now wants to experience what it feels like to be unfulfilled. Maybe your soul wants to experience the journey from feeling unfulfilled to finding fulfillment in this life.
In other words, even your current sense of emptiness is important and can be considered a deeply meaningful experience. Emptiness isn’t the absence of something—it’s something that exists.
First, don’t try to hide your current feelings of unfulfillment. Acknowledge them, and try comforting yourself. Actually say to yourself, “This is hard, isn’t it? You’re lonely, aren’t you?” Then ask yourself what it is that’s making you feel unfulfilled.
If you do that, you’ll realize that past experiences and feelings may actually be the reason you feel unfulfilled now.
And what can fulfill you now isn’t other people or future experiences—it’s you. Until you realize that, you may keep seeking reassurance from others, only to find that things don’t work out.
Before looking for fulfillment elsewhere, start by pausing and looking inward.
As for my answer, I feel most fulfilled when I bury my face in my wife’s butt and take a deep breath.
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I’m Aya, a female member.
If by “feeling unfulfilled” you simply mean having desires for better things or relationships, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. It’s human, and I think it’s a good thing.
Our desires are what motivate us to keep going in daily life, after all. As for reaching a state of enlightenment and being free from all desire, I feel that’s something only a highly virtuous, hermit-like person could achieve.
However, if your “feeling of being unfulfilled” means that you feel empty no matter who you’re with, can’t trust anyone, buy too many things and even end up in debt, or find yourself craving things that hurt you emotionally or physically, then you may need to be careful. Please take some time to figure out which of the two applies to you.
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I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
It’s because we want to feel fulfilled that we’re able to live in the present…
But if you live another ten or twenty years, you’ll come to feel deeply grateful for the world around you.
Time doesn’t pass all at once, so don’t rush…
No matter how old you get, the only moment when you truly feel fulfilled is when you fall asleep in bed after reaching the end together, wrapped in a pleasant afterglow.
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