Have you ever been told, “Don’t become the kind of person who sells yourself for money”? Please explain why it’s wrong.

I’m a male member, BB7. It’s your life, so if that’s what you think, then just do it. Other people’s criticism isn’t worth a damn.

I’m Aya, a female member. This is such a heartbreaking question. You must be going through a really difficult time. That older man sounds like the all-too-common type who lectures you after visiting adult entertainment venues. Maybe he says those things to ease his own guilt over using money to buy affection, attention, or a woman’s body—things that supposedly can’t be bought with money. Or perhaps he simply had nothing else to talk about and blurted out whatever honest thoughts came to mind. Maybe he thinks that because he’s paying you, he can treat you however he wants and use you as an outlet for his stress. There could be all kinds of reasons. I hear about this kind of thing all the time. It’s so cliché that it almost makes you think, “So these men really do exist.” Meeting someone like that would definitely kill your motivation. From your question, it sounds like you feel that you have to “sell yourself” to earn the money you need for your dreams. If you can enjoy papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) despite that, then that’s fine—but it’s the lectures from these older men that make it painful for you, isn’t it? As for a solution, I honestly think the only option may be to quit papa-katsu. Only people who can enjoy “selling themselves” can keep doing papa-katsu happily and earn a substantial income over the long term. I’m a bit wired differently myself, and I can enjoy selling myself, which is why I’m able to do papa-katsu. If you still want to continue with papa-katsu, try boldly telling him what you really think: “Is it really so wrong to try to live without relying on your parents? I think nothing is more ungrateful and foolish than a child who lives off their parents’ money.” If you’re able to have an honest discussion, your relationship with your papa (a male supporter) might change. I’ve actually become even closer with one of my papas after having a huge, completely honest argument. You also asked whether it’s impossible to make money without being mean-spirited. I think it’s less about being mean and more about being calm enough to separate facts from emotions. Perhaps they’re simply very strategic in how they choose their goals and methods. From the outside, that may make them look mean-spirited. Sorry for going on so long.

What exactly is a dream, anyway? If you mean getting the career you want, I can’t say too much since my parents paid for me to attend university, but do you really need money from a papa (a male supporter) to pursue an ordinary career? My university tuition was expensive, so after my coming-of-age ceremony, I ran into a former elementary school classmate at a reunion. She told me she had enrolled in a vocational training school in Tokyo, paying only 300 yen for a basic name stamp, earned the auto mechanic certification she had always dreamed of, and would be starting work in April. I was impressed by how sensible and grounded she was. I only know about Tokyo, but many people don’t even know that there are vocational training schools you can attend for free—though they become fee-based once you reach a certain age. It really makes me think that ignorance can be harmful. If your dream is something outside the realm of ordinary careers, like becoming an actress, then go ahead and do whatever it takes—even papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), if that’s what you want. Watch Shiawase! Bonbii Girl and cleanse your soul. There’s nothing shameful about having your parents support you through the completion of the school you want to attend. Parents who can’t do that aren’t fulfilling their role as parents. But I do think it’s shameful to continue living off your parents’ money after that. Of course, people from wealthy families or those expected to inherit family assets or a major company probably face hardships that poor people can’t even imagine. Marika

I’m Kazu, a male member. Since I’m a man, no one has ever said that to me. I think that man is simply convinced it’s true and lacks the awareness to consider how the other person might feel when he says it. In other words, he just has a minor flaw of his own. I don’t believe women in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) are selling themselves for money. “Selling yourself” sounds more like slavery to me. In papa-katsu, women also have the right to make their own decisions, so I don’t think that description applies. Even if someone has some kind of flaw, like that man does, they can still earn money. Everyone in this world—you, me, and that man included—is imperfect in their own way. Being imperfect and being capable of earning money aren’t mutually exclusive.

Maezawa from the president’s office here as well. > “Don’t become the kind of person who sells themselves for money.” Even at a quick glance, I can think of at least two possible meanings, so if you really think about it, it may have several others too. That’s why I feel it might have been better to ask the person what they meant. The first meaning that came to mind was: “We’re together partly because an allowance is involved, but please don’t lump this together with prostitution or anything like that. I want us to have a proper relationship as two people. That’s why I want to talk about all kinds of things, and depending on the situation, maybe even travel together. I want to support you when you’re tired, and I’d like you to comfort me when I’m worn out. But most of all, I want us to share fun times together. So I don’t want this to become the kind of relationship where you think only about money and end up selling yourself for it.” Maybe that’s what they meant. Different people may attach different meanings to those words, so if you’re unsure, you won’t know the truth unless you ask that person directly. If you felt that asking would ruin the mood, then I think it would be better not to ask—and to forget what they said right away. No matter how much you think about it on your own, you’ll never truly know what the other person meant. P.S. > “So you interpret it in the most charitable way?” I guess I also like saying various things to people. Like, “Why don’t you buy a plane with company expenses?” (lol) In my case, though, there’s absolutely no ill intent behind it. I mean exactly what I say. But of course, there are people who read several moves ahead. They may read far too much into something I said, take it as malicious, and leave me thinking, “Huh? How did it turn into that? I wasn’t thinking about anything like that at all.” So when I think there may be other people like me, I feel that interpreting it as well-intentioned could be a possibility too.

I’m Flagmaker, a column writer. I believe that imposing your values on others is wrong, even when those values are objectively right and good. So other people’s values don’t matter to me. As far as I’m concerned, the world is full of bad people, lol.

I’m Paper Airplane, a male member. I think the best time to start pursuing your dream is right now. papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) might actually take you farther from your dream, and simply saving up money doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be able to make that dream a reality. As for this, are you fishing for something? If I’m misunderstanding, sorry.