Yesterday, I went with my long-term girlfriend to Mac’s favorite mixed-gender hot spring (day-use bathing and meal plan).
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There were two other parties besides us.
With my girlfriend, I enjoyed three private baths, and in our room we had a wonderfully uninhibited intimate time while admiring the ocean. We had a fun date.
After lunch, we went to the mixed-gender outdoor bath on the rooftop.
There were two or three peepers there, so my shy girlfriend decided not to enter and went to the women’s bath on the second floor instead.
I went straight into the rooftop mixed-gender outdoor bath.
That’s when the incident happened...
Since my girlfriend had the women’s bath to herself, she was relaxing in the bath while listening to music on her phone.
She felt someone watching her, and when she looked toward the changing area, she saw men peeking at her from both sides.
Even when she made eye contact with them, they didn’t run. They only fled after hearing her call me on her phone for help.
I rushed over, but they were trespassers who clearly knew the layout of the inn, and they managed to escape by car. We asked the staff to check with the other two parties about the suspects’ appearance and clothing, but they turned out to be uninvolved.
My girlfriend could do nothing but sob from fear and embarrassment.
Our fun date had turned into a nightmare.
We checked out early and headed home, but the atmosphere was heavy... neither of us said a word.
How should I comfort her or talk to her?
I’m Aya, a female member, and this is my first time answering.
If something like that happened, I think the woman would be feeling several times more frightened than the man realizes. The fear of being sexually violated can become a trauma. First of all, please don’t dismiss that fear—accept it and be there for her.
Absolutely do not blame her. You mentioned wanting to “encourage” her, but I don’t think you should try to cheer her up. A woman who has been sexually traumatized isn’t necessarily trying to feel better. She simply wants you to accept her feelings and understand her fear. Saying things like “Cheer up” or “Don’t worry about it” can make her feel as though she’s being blamed or dismissed for being upset, which may deepen the trauma.
It might be best to show your concern to the point where you even wonder whether you’re going too far—for example, promising never to go to a hot spring again, or promising to protect her with everything you have from now on. That must have been a terrible experience.
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I’m Flag Maker, a columnist.
Encourage her? No. You should apologize.
**Update:** I mean that apologizing is simply the right and safest approach for now.
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I’m Saito, a column writer♪.
Since this is something the hot spring facility should handle, you should file a complaint with them. As for the woman, how about paying her roughly twice the usual allowance next time?
Also, reflect on the fact that you shouldn’t have taken someone like that along, and make sure it doesn’t happen again.
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Maezawa from the president’s office here.
I’m not entirely sure what kind of place it was, but if there were “two or three crocodiles” there, it may have been known among enthusiasts as a place where people who were okay with being watched would come, even though peeping itself wasn’t allowed.
Of course, I imagine it may have been the kind of place where serious enthusiasts had developed strange rules, such as not going anywhere other than that spot. But naturally, someone unfamiliar with those unspoken rules might think, “That’s probably harmless enough,” and go too far.
So if your girlfriend is bothered by that sort of thing, I think it would have been better to take her somewhere more respectable.
> How should I encourage her or talk to her?
It might have been nice to spend some time together at a place with a beautiful night view—or somewhere with a great view of the stars—while looking at the scenery and talking a little.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
You should apologize for taking her there, knowing it was a mixed-gender hot spring, and then leaving her alone. When taking someone to a potentially uncomfortable place, you should escort her in a way that ensures you can always protect her.
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