I’m a platinum member in the Chubu region and have been a member for three years. I currently have two ongoing arrangements with female members.
I’m posting because I’d appreciate everyone’s thoughts and advice.
Recently, while traveling for work, I made a letter-date offer to a female member in the Kanto region. After exchanging three rounds of emails, we were able to arrange a date for about ten days from now.
My question is: During the period leading up to the date, would a female member generally appreciate receiving emails from the man she’s going to meet?
I was thinking that, since we have ten days before meeting, I could share some information about myself in addition to what the club has already told her. Hopefully, that might help ease any concerns or anxiety she has about meeting me.
That said, this is obviously based on my own convenience. Even if I email her with good intentions, she may feel obligated to spend time replying to someone she hasn’t even met yet, so I’m wondering whether it would be better not to contact her.
Of course, I understand that without knowing anything about this particular woman’s personality, it’s difficult for everyone to answer this question.
What do you all think? I’d really appreciate hearing your opinions.
I’d like to use your answers as a basis for my decision, taking into consideration perspectives such as, “That makes sense,” “I see,” or “I hadn’t thought of it that way.”
This is my second letter date. The first time, we arranged to meet right away, so there wasn’t really time—or perhaps it simply didn’t occur to me—to think about this.
Maezawa from the President’s Office here.
Thank you for your question.
If you had already hit it off while chatting about general topics, I don’t think you would be asking this question. So I assume you’ve only made plans to meet.
In that case, you’re probably not particularly confident in your messaging. If you force yourself to keep the conversation going and it doesn’t go well, the other person may find it uncomfortable and decide not to meet after all. That would be a shame.
So basically, I think it’s better not to message her.
That said, if you simply wait until the day of the meeting, she may forget. So I think it’s fine to check in once sometime beforehand and again the day before.
Also, as Marika mentioned, you could focus on the meal and exchange messages like:
“What kind of food do you like?” (asking about her preferences)
“I’ve made a reservation at this restaurant.” (letting her know the details)
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I think three messages should be enough: one to ask what kind of food she likes, one to let her know that you’ve booked a restaurant she prefers, and one saying, “Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.”
If it’s ten days away, you’ll probably both start wondering whether the other person is really going to show up, so it’s a good idea to check in for reassurance.
Marika
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I’m a male member, “Paper Airplane.”
Basically, there’s no need to stay in touch until just before the date.
Even if she only messages me two or three days beforehand to confirm, “The ○○th still works for you, right?” that’s fine.
I’m happy to exchange messages about anything related to that day.
One advantage of a letter date is that you can ask her directly what she wants to eat and which restaurant she’d like to go to. With a regular arrangement, you’d have her choose a restaurant on the day, but by asking in advance, you can reserve a place she’s looking forward to. Sometimes it ends up being a completely different type of cuisine or restaurant than you expected.
Other than that, I think it’s best to match the woman’s pace when replying.
If you reply once every 24 hours or so—half a day later or the next day—she can reply the following day as well, and the exchange often becomes more relaxed, like keeping a diary together. (This applies to Type B; Type C doesn’t involve messaging.)
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