The woman I’m seeing asked me to increase her allowance instead of giving her a birthday present, and I’m wondering whether I should end things.
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I’ve been seeing a woman three times a month for the past three months.
Two of those meetings are pay-per-meeting at 50,000 yen, and the remaining one is 30,000 yen.
The reason the third meeting is 30,000 yen is that we initially agreed on two meetings a month at 50,000 yen each. However, we get along well and I wanted to see her more often. Since my finances are tight, I asked if we could reduce the allowance for the third meeting.
She agreed to those terms.
Her birthday is next month, so I suggested taking her shopping for a day—on a different day from our hotel dates—and buying her whatever she wanted with a budget of 10,000 yen.
Since the gift itself would cover her transportation costs, I wouldn’t pay transportation separately.
Even though we had already chosen a date, she said, “Actually, I don’t need a present, so could you apply that 10,000 yen to the allowance for the third meeting and raise it from 30,000 to 40,000 yen? I’ve had a lot of expenses this month.”
I’m shocked that she would turn someone’s goodwill in giving her a birthday present into an allowance issue. In the end, is she just about the money too? I thought she was a good person because, unlike other women who confidently ask for 70,000 or 80,000 yen per meeting, she never made excessive demands.
On top of that, there’s a system that lets you send gifts through Yamato Transport directly from LINE, so I sent her a present. The system keeps me from seeing her address, but she still hasn’t accepted it. It’s already been a week. It’s just a modest gift—a preserved flower arrangement that can be used as interior decor—so I don’t think it would be a problem for her to receive it.
I’m wondering whether I should end things, but apart from these two issues, she’s sensible and a good person, so I’m having a hard time deciding.
What do you think I should do?
Also, do women who say things like this usually keep trying to negotiate higher allowances by coming up with one reason or another?
Yikes, I don’t want preserved flowers.
When I read that they offered ¥10,000, I kept wondering what you wanted—only to find out it was preserved flowers!
Before you even decide whether to end things, I think the other person is already considering ending it. Maybe you’re just a stopgap until they find someone else?
And regarding the third meeting, I initially thought they were saying they wanted to meet even for ¥30,000, but it’s actually the opposite.
Marika
Also, you call it an increase, but even after they accepted your reduced amount and added ¥10,000, it still doesn’t reach the original standard allowance. I’m not even sure you can call that an increase.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
After reading the question, it seemed to me that the only thing the questioner likes about this woman is that her allowance is low.
If you’re not willing to add even ¥10,000 after she says, “I’ve had a lot of expenses this month,” or even offers to forgo a gift so she won’t burden you, then why not say goodbye? I can’t help feeling sorry for her.
Kazu here, feeling like I happen to agree with Maezawa-san this time.
P.S. Come to think of it, for White Day return gifts, I usually go with an Amazon gift card or Rakuten, depending on which sites the woman uses. Hope that helps.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
Haha!
What’s the harm in giving her both? The amount doesn’t seem that significant, and she sounds like a good girl.
Don’t be so stingy!
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I’m Hikōki, a male member.
You really should try to understand women’s feelings a little better.
> The woman agreed to those terms.
If she didn’t propose them herself, then she didn’t actually agree to them.
Giving her a ¥10,000 birthday present is basically the same as telling her you want to end things. You meant White Day, right…?
The woman who proposed the terms herself has become incredibly sweet and adorable to me… Thank you.
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Maezawa from the CEO’s office here, and I’ll answer too.
Thank you for your question.
These days, there’s not much you can buy for just ¥10,000. Let’s say, for example, that she wanted a ¥50,000 accessory. But since you told her she could only spend ¥10,000, she couldn’t exactly say that’s what she wanted.
Maybe she was planning to add ¥40,000 of her own money and buy the ¥50,000 accessory.
So why send her something she doesn’t even want? I honestly don’t understand.
“It’s preserved flowers, so I thought they wouldn’t be a problem.”
They might be a problem—and even if they aren’t, I don’t think they’re something she’d be happy about.
If you want to give her ¥10,000, why not put it in a nice box, separate from her allowance, and give her crisp new bills? It seems like trying to add it to the allowance is what leads to this strange idea.
Wrap the ¥10,000 properly and give it to her in new bills.
That way, you might at least feel like you properly gave her a “present.”
Rather than saying you’re wondering whether to cut things off, I get the feeling she’s actually in the process of cutting you off.
I suspect this isn’t the only time you’ve ignored what she wants—it may be something you always do.
If you can’t put yourself in the shoes of a woman who’s struggling with high expenses, and you feel you can’t forgive that, then you should end things.
If anything, I find myself thinking that she may have put up with you for quite a long time.
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Seattle here.
She’s saying she’d rather have money than things she doesn’t need, so let’s give her that. If I were a woman, I’d prefer it too.
She seems like a good person, so I hope you’ll treat her with more care. When you say you’re going to cut her off, do you mean you think there’s someone better out there?
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I’m a columnist and a flag-maker.
To begin with, I think we have completely different ideas about gifts. Once, I gave my wife a surprise present, and she told me, “I don’t want it. Take it back.” lol
Ever since then, I’ve believed that a gift means getting something the woman actually wants. Honestly, I’m too scared to buy something on the spot or plan a surprise anyway ^^;
Money is simple and easy to understand. If it makes her happy, that’s actually lucky. In fact, I’m thinking of giving the person I’m currently seeing some extra allowance as a surprise the next time we meet. I figure she probably won’t dislike a monetary surprise.
For your own peace of mind, it’s probably best to assume that when women you meet here say, “I want to see you!” they mainly mean they want their allowance.
In this case, it may already be too late, but try responding graciously—or quietly give her a little more than usual.
When I judge someone’s character, I look at whether they give anything back when I treat them especially generously. I start by giving first.
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