Why are women who ask for an allowance of 100,000 yen disliked?
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I’m a Black woman.
I generally leave the allowance up to the men.
Most of the time, it’s 70,000 or 80,000 yen.
Occasionally, some men offer 100,000 or even 150,000 yen.
Since I’ve never been offered 50,000 yen or less, I assume the going rate at dating clubs is around 70,000–100,000 yen.
Yet the men who offer 70,000–80,000 yen all say the same thing: “Among the women I make offers to, many ask for 100,000 yen. I’ll agree to it for the first or second meeting, but I don’t feel like seeing her regularly”......
The difference between 70,000–80,000 yen and 100,000 yen is only 20,000–30,000 yen, so why are they so reluctant to pay the extra amount?
I certainly don’t think the allowance is a small amount, and I’m very grateful to the men who continue seeing me regularly regardless of the amount.
Still, I can’t help wondering why they’re so stingy over such a small difference...
The men who offer 100,000 yen or more rarely even mention the amount of the allowance. They also seem relaxed when we meet, without any sense that they’re desperate to get their money’s worth.
Is it “only a few tens of thousands of yen, but still a few tens of thousands”? Are there economic differences even among wealthy men?
Or is it simply a matter of personal values?
Why is 70,000–80,000 yen accepted at dating clubs, while women who ask for 100,000 yen are treated as a nuisance?
I’m Kazu, a male member.
If people dislike you, I don’t think it’s because you’re asking for an allowance of 10. The reason is probably something else.
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I’m in Seattle.
I could offer 10 or even 20, but I might have more fun offering 5 to someone new than giving 10 to this particular person. Men tend to get bored, basically.
If 7 is where supply and demand meet, then you’ll want to offer some added value. If you’re not happy with 7 or 8, you can simply move on.
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Maezawa from the President’s Office here as well.
Thank you for your question.
When I hear men talk about this, I often hear them say that up to 80,000 yen is fine, but 100,000 yen feels like too much. I think there’s simply a psychological barrier when the amount reaches six figures.
Some men may also be thinking of keeping the total—including the hotel and meals—around 100,000 yen. In that case, the amount they actually give the woman ends up being around 70,000–80,000 yen.
(I imagine this is also a psychological barrier about keeping the total under 100,000 yen.)
For most of them, adding another 20,000–30,000 yen probably wouldn’t make or break their finances. But if it still feels like a psychological barrier, I think that’s where they tend to draw the line.
That said, men who have spent more than that in the past no longer have that psychological barrier. So if a man really likes a woman, he’ll probably offer more quite naturally.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
This isn’t about whether you’ll be disliked or anything like that. It’s a matter of values.
I once heard this from someone who ranked number one nationwide in door-to-door sales: he said he was confident he could sell a 100-yen can of Coke for 1,000 yen. What he was selling didn’t matter—the point was to make someone want to be with you, at which point the value of the product becomes priceless.
It’s the same here. Even someone you’re seeing for 10 might have offered 20 if they hadn’t initially said, “10 is a bit much…” Conversely, someone who offers 7 simply couldn’t see more than 7 in value in you. Men are the ones who pay the allowance. Being reluctant to give up that extra 2 or 3 reflects your own values.
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I’m Flagmaker, a column writer.
I totally get that.
Basically, I leave everything up to what the other person wants. For reference, my first arrangement was pay-per-meeting at 100,000 yen. And that was with me earning 10 million yen a year, haha.
When guys haggle over little amounts like 50,000 or 70,000 yen, I just think, “Come on, let’s be more generous and show a little style.” It feels like there’s no sense of aspiration. I mean, aren’t men supposed to make the offer? If you’re the one making the offer, why be stingy about that part?
That said, since I leave everything up to the other person, I’ve even had extreme cases like a monthly arrangement for 300,000 yen. There have also been several women whose allowance eventually stopped, and we just became dinner friends.
I suppose I’m the unconventional one here—or maybe we’re both as bad as each other, haha.
Actually, rereading the question, I realized I was mistaken. If a woman told me, “I’ll leave it up to you,” I’d probably ask, “Would 50,000 yen be okay?” In the end, I’m no different, haha.
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I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
Allowance is a pretty good question.
Even at an exclusive dating club, people come from different financial backgrounds, and everyone has a limit to how much they can spend. Since that’s the context in which we participate, I think it really depends on the individual.
As for the ¥20,000–¥30,000 difference, I believe that may simply be the most that man can offer that particular woman.
I don’t mean to be rude, but if she were more attractive to him, I think he would pay more without hesitation. Please do your best to become an even more appealing woman.
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I’m a male member, Paper Airplane.
Whether she’s black-tier or getting an allowance of 100,000 yen, it all depends on the man, basically…
You don’t have to receive the same amount from everyone—or even from anyone. You should be able to accept as much as you want from the person you actually want it from, right?
And when it’s a man you really like, you want to see him often. It isn’t about the money, and you want him to feel the same way. I think that’s what makes it a special relationship.
I’d like to build a relationship where a wonderful woman like you, dear questioner, would say, “The money doesn’t matter”—regardless of whether the allowance is high or low—and still want to see me. You probably just haven’t had a connection that made you feel that way yet…
As one possible standard, women want to receive as much as they can, while men want to be seen as special by their favorite woman—even if she’s popular or expensive—and feel that the allowance doesn’t have to be much.
I wonder how many more years I’ll be able to feel that way… Let me keep dreaming for just a little longer.
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