How should I turn down a papa’s invitation to travel?
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A papa I’m expected to meet once a week for a 50,000-yen pay-per-meeting allowance frequently invites me on domestic trips.
And they’re two nights and three days, or even three nights and four days...
He specifies Friday through Sunday and tells me to take paid leave on Friday.
There’s absolutely no way I want to use my precious paid leave for that.
Honestly, out of my five papas, he’s the lowest-paying, and I can’t find any benefit to going on a trip with him. (I’m deliberately leaving out the destination.)
That said, turning him down on the spot would kill his enthusiasm, so I’ve been putting it off by saying things like, “I’d love to go! I’ll check my work schedule for next month. Things are about to get pretty busy, so I’m not sure if I’ll be able to take paid leave, but I’ll do my best (; _ ; )”
But I can’t keep delaying it forever. At the same time, just because he’s a low-paying papa doesn’t mean I want to cut him off yet, since he’s easy to be around.
What should I do?
I’d really appreciate some wisdom from those of you who are veterans at this.
I’m Maezawa from the CEO’s office, and I’ll answer this too.
Thanks for your question.
As Marika wrote, if you say, “I’d love to go,” he may take that to mean you want to but can’t, and keep inviting you again and again.
It may be difficult to phrase, but I think it would be a good idea to first make it clear that taking paid leave isn’t really an option, along the lines of:
“I’d like to save my paid leave in case something comes up, and it’s also difficult to take time off at my company, so it would be hard for me.”
I assume you also don’t like the idea of receiving the same allowance even for an overnight trip. However, saying that directly could risk ending the relationship, so you could say something like:
“I really wanted to go on the trip, but after thinking about it, staying overnight would be difficult for me.”
You might be able to steer things toward having him settle for a day trip.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
I agree with what Marika said. But it’s important to consider the other person’s feelings too. Try giving some reason for why it won’t be possible.
Something like, “I’d love to go on a trip with you, but I’m hosting Waratte Iitomo!, so I can’t right now (sad face).”
I’m just joking around, but since you’re the one actually involved, I think you should come up with a slightly more believable reason.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
As Marika said, I think the problem is that you’ve been saying things like, “Yeah, I’d love to go!” You should speak up about what doesn’t work for you—for example, that it’s difficult to take paid leave for a trip, or that giving up a weekend, even just once a month, is tough.
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I’m papery-hikoki, a male member.
If he’s someone you feel comfortable with, just be honest and say whatever you want right then and there.
When a papa is told, “I’d love to go,” he tends to take it at face value and believe you really mean it…
Then his excitement keeps building until his heart is full. He starts imagining all sorts of things that might make you happy…
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Why give them false hope?
They invite you because they think you might actually go. If you can make it only over the weekend, say so clearly—like, “I can do one night on Saturday and Sunday.” If you don’t want to stay overnight, say that you can’t sleep when sharing a room with someone.
They invite you because you don’t tell them. That’s all there is to it.
Marika
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