I have a papa (a male supporter) I’m closest to, and he rents a place for me. We meet once or twice a week at a hotel or at the apartment, and we have a relationship where neither of us has to be overly careful around the other. It’s a monthly arrangement, and I believe we have a trusting relationship.
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In January this year, I happened to find out that this papa had stayed overnight with a girl he met last year (probably two or three girls, and I assume he gave each of them money as well). He had told me, “I’m only seeing you, and you’re not allowed to get involved with another man,” and I had been keeping my promise, so I couldn’t help but burst into tears.
Since then, I feel like he has started acting more carefully, perhaps because he doesn’t want me to find out about his cheating.
For example, he takes me to his regular restaurants, introduces me to people he knows, and says, “I’ve introduced you to this many people in my world, so you have no reason to doubt me, right?” He increased the number of nights we spend together from two to four a week, saying things like, “We spend this much time together, so you have no reason to doubt me, right?”
It’s true that recently, when I happened to catch a glimpse of his iPhone messages, it seemed like there were fewer messages than before from girls and hostess-type women. He’s not tech-savvy enough to pull little tricks like deleting messages or turning off notifications.
When his cheating came to light (although he absolutely refuses to admit it), I once told him, “The thought of you being with other girls makes me feel so sick to my stomach. You can cheat if you want, but just don’t bring home any diseases. I really can’t deal with that—it’s seriously gross. I’m kind of over it anyway.” He sometimes teases me about it, saying, “You’re not actually jealous of me, are you? You don’t really care about me anyway, lol.”
So my question is: What do you think he intends by these actions? Is he trying to reassure me, or is he trying to deceive me even more so he can continue seeing other girls? Or did he notice that I was starting to lose interest because of his cheating and take some kind of action because of it...? I don’t understand how men think. I can tell from how close we are that he hasn’t come to dislike me, but I wonder whether he has stopped cheating or whether it has only intensified. I’d really like to know what you think is going on.
I’m Maezawa from the CEO’s Office, and I’ll answer this one too.
Thank you for your question.
I think his true feelings are that he doesn’t want to break up with you. That’s why he’s making various efforts to repair the relationship right now.
I don’t think he’s necessarily stopped cheating, but for now, I’d suggest trusting him on the surface and trying to get along again.
Just in case, you might want to say something like, “If you cheat on me again, I won’t forgive you unless you buy me ____.”
Fill in the blank with something you want—preferably something expensive. Setting it at around ¥1–2 million could also serve as a deterrent.
Other than that, I think you’ll both be able to enjoy your time together if you get along well.
> So, does that mean he noticed I was starting to lose interest because of his cheating and took some kind of action?
I think that’s probably what happened.
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You seem to hold the top position among the women he’s seeing.
However, from his wife’s perspective, the moment he started seeing you, it was already cheating. After all, he’s the kind of person who can have another girlfriend even while he has someone in the top position—his wife.
Even if you get angry, you’re still the other woman too.
He may keep a somewhat low profile for a while—either not seeing other women or being much more cautious—but I think he’ll eventually go back to seeing them as usual.
Marika
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I’m Papercraft, a male member.
Men and women are completely different creatures when it comes to how they think, so honestly, I think it’s best not to overthink things.
Your papa (a male supporter) is probably very happy that you’re staying over as many as four times a week.
On top of that, you could try asking the next day, “Do you want to meet again later today?” or “How about tomorrow?” Or casually ask, “What about tonight?” and see whether he can meet you one or two more times.
That should give you an idea of whether he’s already packed his schedule with other girls on the days you don’t see him.
But the fact that he’s doubled the number of times he sees you suggests he may be willing to rearrange other plans just to come see you.
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I’m Taro, a male member.
I’d say you’re being valued. Going from twice a week to four times a week means your share of that papa’s time has increased from 28% to 57%.
If you managed to increase your share that much in a single negotiation, that’s an impressive achievement as a supplier. You deserve the CEO’s award.
I think you should simply be happy about it.
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I’m Flagmaker, a columnist.
Your papa’s behavior is all about dodging and brushing things off. That’s the kind of tactic he uses with casual partners. Basically, he looks down on you. By responding this way, he figures you’ll think everything is “fine.”
From his perspective, he’s the one paying the allowance, so in a sense, he feels like he has the upper hand over you. I guess that’s just how it is.
He probably even takes pleasure in the fact that you’re crying, thinking it means he’s popular. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s smirking and telling his friends, “This casual partner has started taking me seriously lately, and it’s becoming a real hassle.”
I tend to think negatively, so that’s how I see it.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
I think he’s probably just trying to reassure you. But as you mentioned, “I feel like I’m getting fewer messages from girls and hostess-type women than before,” I don’t think he’s quit entirely either.
It probably hasn’t escalated. Given the situation, it’s hard to imagine him seeing even more women.
This is only speculation, so I may be completely off.
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