I’ve been seeing a papa (a male supporter) for three years, and we’re practically in a romantic relationship. I asked about this before, and I’m truly grateful for all the helpful answers.
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I’d also appreciate answers from anyone who didn’t respond last time.
The man I’ve been seeing for three years told me that he failed in an investment in gold and no longer has any money he can freely spend. Gold has gone down recently, but did it really crash that badly? I’m not very knowledgeable, so I’m not sure.
We see each other once or twice a week, have an adult relationship (intimate), sometimes stay overnight, and message each other on LINE every day. I love him very much too, but without a monthly allowance of ¥150,000, it would be difficult for me unless I got another job.
He says his private medical practice is doing well, so I can’t help wondering whether it has really become difficult for him to pay me ¥150,000 a month, or whether there’s another girl.
What do those of you with more experience think?
To be honest, I want to continue seeing him. However, since we meet twice a week, having no allowance at all each month is difficult, no matter how much I love him.
To at least avoid receiving nothing each month, which would be better?
1. Talk honestly about whether he could pay me something the next time we meet
2. Continue as things are with no allowance for a while and wait for him to bring it up
I’m also wondering whether I should start looking for a serious marriage partner because of this, and I have a lot on my mind.
I know I’m inexperienced, but could you please give me your honest opinion, even if it’s harsh?
Maezawa from the CEO’s office here, too.
Thank you for your question.
It sounds like he has money, but his wife controls the finances, and the money he could freely spend was lost in a failed investment.
That said, I’m sure he’ll find a way to increase the amount of money he can spend himself after a while. In fact, I think he could do it right away if he wanted to—for example, by telling his wife that he can’t even socialize with friends under these circumstances.
Considering that you’re uncomfortable continuing to see him for free (otherwise, there’d be no need to post about it here), I think it would be best to tell him:
“Please contact me again once you’re able to provide the same allowance as before.”
You may end up parting ways for good, but that can’t be helped.
A papa who can’t provide an allowance isn’t really a papa.
I think you’d be better off looking for a new papa.
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I’m Tetsu, a male member.
Only she knows the truth about whether she really failed at investing, but personally, I’m skeptical. I could understand asking to reduce the allowance, but zero would be on the level of being saddled with debt. If that were really the case, she wouldn’t be in a position to keep enjoying herself.
This may sound harsh, but I think you’ve ended up becoming someone who’s simply convenient for men. He probably believes you won’t walk away even if he stops giving you the bait—the allowance.
As for your question, option ② is a no. Once you sleep with him for free, it becomes harder to ask for money afterward.
Option ① would be better. You could suggest changing the arrangement—for example, switching from a monthly arrangement to pay-per-meeting, or, if that doesn’t work, becoming dinner companions with no intimacy.
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I’m in Seattle.
You should dump a man who’s that incapable and start looking for a husband.
I think that doctor papa just wants to spend his money on other women.
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I’m Kazu, a male member.
The gold market peaked around August last year, didn’t it? Gold topped $2,000 per troy ounce last August, but by March this year it had fallen below $1,800. I have to say, my prediction was spot-on.
https://universe-club.jp/help/questions/view/4523
If you owned physical gold, the damage might have been limited, but if you were trading on margin, the losses could have been devastating.
If his work is going well, then perhaps, as Mac mentioned in the answer to your previous question, “When his wife handles the accounting, it seems that no matter how high his income is, he may not be able to set aside money for dating.”
As for the allowance, I think it would be best to simply tell him, “No matter how much I like you, receiving nothing per month is difficult for me.”
If you have to choose between ① and ②, I would go with ①: honestly asking him about receiving the allowance the next time you meet. If your papa’s finances have taken a major hit, simply waiting won’t solve the problem anytime soon.
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I’m Hikōki, a male member.
Doctors don’t need receipts, and they can calculate expenses based on estimates rather than actual costs—in the case of a small private practice, they can even claim expenses amounting to over 70% of their income. So I think paying around ¥150,000 a month would be quite easy for them.
I’ve passed several tax law exams, and learning about this made me appalled at just how enormous the medical association’s vested interests are—so enormous they could never possibly give them up.
You’re probably better off going with option ① and getting it over with.
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I’m a column writer who specializes in spotting red flags.
① Tell her that going without any allowance would be tough, but that you’d be okay with a reduced amount for a while.
② Stop the allowance and continue seeing her once a week or every other week, just for dinner and as friends—no intimacy.
I used to have a monthly arrangement for ¥150,000, but since the amount of extra money I have varies quite a bit from month to month, I once honestly told her, “Money’s tight this month,” and she agreed to lower the amount for that month.
I’ve also had women I met this way shift to an arrangement with no allowance, but in exchange, they won’t be intimate. They’re all pretty firm about that, lol.
My guess is that if you go with option ②, eventually she’ll say, “I’ll pay you an allowance, so let me sleep with you.” Give it a try.
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