I’m Tetsu, a male member.
If you already felt uncomfortable before you’d had a chance to discuss things, then you made the right decision by turning him down.
Everyone has their own way of thinking about allowances, so I think it’s best to discuss it with your papa (a male supporter). It’s perfectly reasonable to ask for a little more allowance because the dates are getting longer. Likewise, you can say that since you only have two days off a week and want to take it easy, you can’t go on outings. You should communicate your values and expectations to your papa.
When I invite a woman on a trip, I pay her an allowance. However, if she says, “I’d like to go to ___,” and I arrange the trip, I don’t pay an allowance—as long as she agrees, of course.
I’m Date◎Yume, a male member.
I completely agree with your perspective, Kamihikōki!
Money is important, but money alone makes things boring. As they say, “Like attracts like,” so I’m sure there are people who date solely for the money. I think it’s best to shift in that direction and find someone like that.
Maezawa from the CEO’s office here—I’ll answer too.
> Honestly, being tied up for a long time on my day off for just 10,000 yen would be difficult, so I lied and said I already had plans that day and turned him down.
That was the right call.
Until you know exactly how much allowance he’s offering, I think it’s best to continue handling things that way.
It’s probably better not to assume that men think in terms of an hourly rate. They generally think in terms of how much they’ll pay for one date.
Whether it’s a one-hour meal or an eight-hour museum outing, it’s still considered one date, so I think many men would see it as 10,000 yen either way. So if he doesn’t say anything, you should assume that the same allowance as before will apply.
That said, if you tell a man, “I’d like to receive X amount for one hour,” many men probably won’t react well.
So I think lying and saying you have other plans is the right approach.
Hopefully, at some point he’ll realize that something isn’t right and bring up the allowance himself, but I feel that more often than not, men won’t notice.
> However, I’m worried he might ask me to meet on a day that works for me in the future.
As long as he doesn’t bring up the allowance, I think it’s best to keep saying something like, “I’m sorry, but I already have plans, just like before.”
That said, some women receive 50,000 or even 100,000 yen without an adult relationship, so you could also try saying, “I’m short on money right now—could you give me 50,000 yen just this once?”
However, I understand that you may be worried about losing the relationship.
I’m Paper Airplane, a male member.
There’s really no fixed standard.
You could even say the difference ranges from 0 to 100.
When it’s a relationship without an adult relationship (intimate), I don’t discuss the allowance. If we naturally click and get along, she may want to see me as often as possible. If we don’t, we simply won’t meet again.
Whether it’s 1, 5, or 10, as a man I want her to be happy, so I give it to her from the heart. But once it turns into a negotiation over how much I should give, it completely kills the mood.
If you feel that the other person would only give you 1 even after spending that much time together, I think you’d be better off looking for a different man. And someone who gives you an allowance generous enough to make you happy is probably someone you can spend time with comfortably—without having to think about the allowance in the first place.
I think compatibility is actually much clearer in relationships without an adult relationship than in adult relationships.
