I’m Lula, a UC male member and a member of the new salon.
If I may add my two cents, there really is an issue with response times.
I’m in close monthly arrangements with several women, and we’ve built a certain level of trust with each other. Two of them are extremely slow to respond because of work—for example, one is currently in charge of a major project, while another often has to travel overseas and goes through periods when she simply can’t reply.
Since they’ve explained their circumstances to me, I don’t find it particularly stressful, and we continue seeing each other. That said, there have been times when I haven’t received a reply for more than ten days…
In situations like this, it’s probably best not to lecture them.
As BB7 mentioned in their answer, I think you should communicate how you feel. The other day, I sent a message saying, “When we can hardly communicate this much, I honestly feel lonely. It makes me a little sad.” It seems to have made her realize how I felt, and she started keeping in touch appropriately, even when busy.
In short, I think you should stop agonizing over whether to say something or not.
If you keep your feelings to yourself because you’re worried that telling them might make the other person feel bad, the stress will build up and you won’t be able to maintain a good relationship. I believe it’s best to honestly express how you feel.
Saying, “You should really be doing ○○,” will put the other person on the defensive. But saying, “I feel that ○○,” is simply an expression of your own feelings, and no one can deny how you feel.
Once you’ve decided to be open about your feelings, the only thing left to consider is how best to communicate them.
In any case, communicating with wonderful women makes me feel as though my own world is expanding too. It really is a wonderful world (*^^*)
I’m a male member based in Seattle.
Even games you have absolutely no interest in can turn out to be surprisingly fun when you try playing them together.
The drama Nagi’s Long Vacation, which someone recommended to me, is pretty entertaining.
People who are slow to respond probably won’t change, so look for someone else.
I’m BB7, a male member in my late 40s.
> I sometimes can’t keep up because they respond so incredibly quickly when it comes to things they’re interested in…
I know exactly what you mean. I often find myself thinking, “Huh?” when they talk about anime, games, their favorite idols, or the music they listen to. If you’ve decided to adapt to the women, I think it’s best to actively listen to the topics they’re interested in.
Even when you try to understand, some things are simply beyond comprehension these days（笑）. But if you think, “Oh, so this is what’s popular now,” and use it to stimulate your somewhat outdated mind, loosen up your set ways of thinking, and bring some youthful sensibility into your brain, then you can focus on listening and let the other person do the talking. They’ll feel more satisfied, won’t develop negative feelings toward you, and your own mind may become a little more flexible too—a win-win, I’d say.
If you dismiss them by saying, “I don’t understand any of that,” or clearly act uninterested, they’ll think, “Yeah, this person really isn’t for me.” So even when I don’t really understand, I try to listen without dismissing what they’re saying. It may be painful at first, but you gradually learn more about the subject, and it becomes interesting.
As for matters of etiquette or slow replies, once you’ve built a relationship of trust, why not tell them what you’d like them to do rather than lecturing them from above about what they “should” do? I don’t think putting up with too much is good for your mental health, either.
