I’m a male member.

Question

I went on a date with a woman who was clearly not interested. When I asked her about it in her reply to my thank-you message, she told me: (After finding someone for a regular arrangement and asking the club to let her withdraw,) “I was firmly told, ‘You made a commitment, so you still have to go on the dates that have already been scheduled!’” She apologized and then complained that: - She still has four more dates to go. It looks like there will be four more victims. To avoid turning this into a complaint, I’ll phrase it as a question: If possible, I’d like to avoid going on dates with women who are determined to withdraw from the club. How can I avoid situations like this?

Answer 1

I’m BB7, a male member in my late 40s. Since it would only end up wasting both parties’ time, I wish the club had some kind of system in place for situations like this. Once she indicated that she intended to withdraw, I think it would have been better if the branch had contacted the male members who had made offers, saying something like, “This woman has indicated that she plans to leave the club because she’s found someone. Would you still like to go ahead with the date?” That way, the men could decide whether to proceed or decline. The situation was different, but I once made an offer to a woman who had canceled her first date with another man at the last minute on the day of the date. At that time, the branch contacted me to ask, “What would you like to do about your planned date with her?” So I canceled my offer to her. (It seems she was later expelled from the club.)

Answer 2

I’m in my 60s and feeling a bit lost. It’s simply that you, the questioner, weren’t able to turn things around… Wouldn’t it be disrespectful to the other four to assume they can’t turn things around either?

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