I previously asked for advice here, and I’d like some more guidance about the married man in his early 50s I’m currently seeing.
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He wants to spend the entire time we’re together having sex—six hours straight—and I’m fed up with it. The allowance is generous, so I kept putting up with it, but it became too much mentally. I made excuses about our schedules and didn’t see him for two months.
I met him again yesterday for the first time in two months. Even though I told him to go easy because my body gets sore, he kept playing with my nipples while we talked. Whenever I brought up ordinary everyday topics, he would scoff. When I asked why, he said he didn’t want to have meaningless conversations. Yet all he ever talks about is sexual stuff.
To sum up what he wants: “I want to be affectionate the entire time we’re together,” “Sex makes me feel loved and reassured,” and “I’m not meeting you so we can go to the movies, shopping, or have meals together.”
Personally, if we were in a relationship like a couple, I’d want to go out together and enjoy meals, saying things like, “This is delicious,” while sharing that time together.
He keeps touching me without noticing—or pretending not to notice—when I’m in pain. He says he doesn’t want to do anything I dislike, but then pressures me into sex. He won’t allow us to talk about anything other than sexual topics. When things don’t go his way, he silently stares at me for a long time.
At first, I had feelings for him, so sometimes I did enjoy it. But yesterday, perhaps because I’d already reached my limit mentally, I couldn’t get aroused at all. Even so, he continued the whole time, and I’m once again so sore that I can’t sit down properly.
Would this be considered emotional abuse?
I know I’m receiving money, but I’m finding myself increasingly wishing I could see someone else—someone who genuinely cares about a woman’s feelings and body.
Is it selfish to want to spend time together doing things other than having sex while still receiving an allowance?
As for whether the questioner’s papa is guilty of papa-harassment, I’d say it’s clearly papa-harassment. But there are countless papas like that.
Just as women look for good value for their money and time, men do too.
I believe that being a papa is all about being used by women. That’s why I even tell the girls they can call me an ATM.
Since last night was Christmas Eve, this ATM was extremely busy. I met five girls yesterday alone, so I didn’t have time to go on dates. I simply met four of them, handed them cash, and said, “Here’s your Christmas present. Sorry—I’m working, so I have to get back right away,” before saying goodbye. I took my time dating only my ace.
I plan to keep working hard as an ATM next year, too. That’s what I work for, after all.
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Why meet him again if you don’t want to?
If you’re not interested, you need to block his contact. Otherwise, he’ll assume it’s okay if you meet him again.
Let’s wait for offers from other papas (male supporters).
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If you’re getting 500,000 yen or more per pay-per-meeting date, just put up with it and save your money.
If you don’t get wet, try some lubricant—or apply Wetra beforehand.
P.S.
Mr. Loser must’ve been busy playing Santa with all that cash.
As for me, my regular job was so busy over Christmas that I didn’t meet up with anyone.
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You’ve been through a lot.
You shouldn’t have to put your health at risk for this activity. Once something happens, it’s too late.
Even if things unfortunately escalate into an assault case or a claim for damages, he’s married. In fact, there’s a high risk that his wife could seek compensation from you instead.
You don’t have to put up with this. End things with him.
Club activities are supposed to be enjoyable above all else.
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As I mentioned in my previous post, you still haven’t ended things with him? You should cut him off right away.
I hope you find someone else soon and can continue with less stress.
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Everyone has their own desires, of course, but I believe any relationship should be enjoyable for both people and bring a sense of fulfillment to their lives. So, as Mac-san said, you shouldn’t force yourself to endure things just for the money.
Since this is a relationship through a dating club, an adult relationship (intimate) may be assumed, but the priority should be finding someone who values you and with whom you can have a mature relationship—not simply focusing on the money.
You shouldn’t push yourself too hard.
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You’re not being selfish—you’re just being an incomprehensible idiot.
Posted again? Feeling better now that you got it off your chest?
There’s only one thing left to do.
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He’s married with children, right? This is clearly an affair, not moral harassment.
It’s like voluntarily going to an S&M club, getting spanked, and then claiming you were assaulted. Of course, it would be a different story if you were being forced into the relationship because they had something on you.
Why not just end it?
If the allowance is generous, that also means the demands are likely to be demanding. I try to plan dates that accommodate the woman’s preferences as much as possible, but unfortunately, I don’t consider the allowance I offer to be particularly generous.
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It’s simply a matter of differing preferences and poor compatibility, so rather than overcomplicating it by calling him emotionally abusive or selfish, you should just decide, “We’re not a good match,” and move on.
You’re probably wondering whether you should put up with it for the money, but money isn’t that important. It’s not like you’re struggling to survive—you just want to be a little happier than you are now, right? Your own desires are making you unhappy.
This may be a bit off-topic, but after living for over 60 years, I’ve come to think that about half of the unhappiness in the world is caused by desires that arise from within us. We try to make ourselves happy, but end up driving ourselves into misery instead.
Also, people’s preferences don’t change just because someone tells them off. They may change with age, experience, and the passage of time, though.
By the way, you mean this was your previous question, right?
https://universe-club.jp/help/questions/view/17978
The ID is different, and I can’t quite understand why your age changed from your 30s to your 20s. The timeline does add up, though, since the previous question was two months ago. People who write things like this out of spite—or just to vent—probably aren’t expecting advice at all. If anything, they’re looking for sympathy, I suppose. It’s ridiculous; it feels like we’re just helping them masturbate. They’d be better off using ChatGPT.
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> Is it selfish to want to spend time together doing things other than having sex while still receiving an allowance?
Everyone thinks differently, so I don’t think that’s selfish at all. It sounds more like you and this particular person simply have completely different expectations.
In general, I don’t think it’s possible to change the way someone who has lived for over 50 years thinks.
It may be best to accept that you can’t date anyone who doesn’t care about a woman’s feelings and body.
Try to find someone who will give you an allowance but whom you also genuinely enjoy spending time with. Your expectations don’t seem strange at all, so I’m sure there are people like that if you keep looking.
I think there are quite a few men who are willing to have dinner with you, rather than only meeting at a hotel.
That said, you might be better off getting a boyfriend and enjoying the pleasures of a romantic relationship with him.
> He only focuses on touching my body and pretends not to notice even when I’m in pain.
Sometimes people won’t realize unless you tell them, “That hurts.” I don’t think he’s pretending not to notice—he probably genuinely hasn’t realized. You should make sure to tell him clearly.
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