A man contacted me through Universe. I’ve already told him twice that I’m unavailable on certain dates but can meet from a certain date onward. However, he keeps saying things like “As soon as possible!” and “As early as you can,” which feels a little pushy.

I’m not a legal expert, so I may not be completely accurate, but with PATOLO, having members negotiate the allowance directly with each other may be right on the legal borderline. If it’s through Universe Club, I assume a staff member would always be involved. However, even if the staff member says they’re merely passing along a message, having them negotiate the allowance in advance on your behalf seems a little risky. I’m not sure whether the staff would be willing to go that far.

Would it be too rude to say, “If you can offer me a larger allowance than the person I already have plans with, I’ll cancel on them and prioritize you”? Personally, I’d love a woman who was that upfront. I’d say something like: “How much allowance are you currently receiving? I can’t ask whether you’ll offer more than that, and I can’t force you to tell me, but I think it’s fair to ask how much you’ve paid her up to now. Would that work for you?” Honestly, it would be much easier if people were that straightforward. But I’m probably the only one who feels that way. Other staff members just tell women like that, “The man canceled,” and end things there. Then they tell the men some convenient lie, like, “She stopped replying,” and I can’t help wondering, “Why go out of your way to make things so complicated?” So, in that kind of situation, it’s better not to be completely honest. Instead, I think you should continue saying something like, “I’m sorry, but with work, it’s been difficult to make plans lately,” as you have been. It’s only natural that you can date on days when you’re available. You’ve suggested other dates, and the other person simply couldn’t make them, so you haven’t done anything wrong. I think it would benefit you more to keep responding at the same pace without letting things fizzle out. I’ll say it again: if you’ve suggested alternative dates twice and the other person still can’t make either of them, the problem is on their end. There’s no need to abandon the basic rule of dating only on days when your own schedule is open.

Even if you do end up seeing him, he sounds like he’d be a hassle, so I think it’s fine to tell him what you want—basically, with the mindset that you’re okay even if he doesn’t make an offer. That said, bringing up the allowance could result in the offer being canceled on the spot. If you’re okay with that and don’t want to leave things unsaid, I think you should go ahead and tell him. And if you end up getting a generous allowance, that’s a nice bonus.

I don’t think women like that are well regarded by the clubs either.

I totally understand how you feel. But you could end up trying to chase two rabbits at once, so you’ll just have to be patient and hold back. Always honor prior commitments first.