Money is a condom for the heart.
Even so, the romantic feelings that develop can feel like a baby you want to raise—but they’ll bring the questioner little but unhappiness. The moment you develop romantic feelings for a married person, papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) stops being papa-katsu and simply falls into an affair.
You’ve never heard of an affair that brings happiness, have you? Even if you managed to win over your papa (a male supporter), you’d make his wife and children unhappy.
So if you’ve truly fallen for him, it’s better to end things sooner rather than later. If you develop feelings for a married coworker, secretly having a crush can be one thing, but in papa-katsu, things have already become physically intimate, so…
If it’s not that serious—if you simply “like him because he’s my type, and I don’t even care if he doesn’t give me money”—then it’s more like liking a friends-with-benefits partner, which is fine. But romance is like an addictive drug: you can get in over your head before you know it and risk ruining your life.
Any woman who’s experienced an affair will understand this, but crying yourself to sleep over an unrequited love can be a strangely masochistic pleasure, and it can become addictive—especially for women with submissive tendencies. Hopefully, “I’ll keep providing value in my own way” isn’t something you’re unconsciously seeking for that reason.
The fact that you’re the one asking for “no allowance” in the first place suggests that, without realizing it, you may have that kind of tendency.
There really are women who like affairs. Because he belongs to someone else and can’t be fully obtained, they want him all the more. Struggling only causes pain, but they end up finding pleasure in that pain too. They usually aren’t aware of it at all. They may only wonder, “Why am I not interested in young single men my own age, and why do I keep falling for older married men?” But deep down, they may have the temperament of an M-type woman who likes being bound.
From what I’ve seen, women who are prone to affairs are generally serious and plain in personality. They do their jobs properly and may even be more capable than the average man. But when it comes to romance, they aren’t the type to pursue someone themselves; they take a “wait and see” approach.
To a married man, she may not look flashy, but she looks refined and seems like someone who would keep a secret. More than anything, she seems easy to pressure. Not obviously weak-willed—she may look as though she has no openings at all, yet he feels that with his skills, he could still win her over. A tsundere.
“She thinks, ‘I’ll wait ten years.’” If she’s in her twenties, even after ten years she’ll only be in her thirties, so she feels like she could still start over. As for the man, he isn’t thinking about anything at all. He simply pursues the prey in front of him, gets her into bed, feels satisfied, and goes to sleep.
Structurally, it’s a kind of domestic abuse. The pleasure of sex alternates with the cold reality that he won’t abandon his wife and children to come and take you away. Heaven and hell, appearing in turn. The existence of hell makes the pleasure of heaven even more intense. Before long, even the hell of crying alone through the night starts to feel like a sweet kind of pleasure.
It’s self-harm, really. There are several reasons people self-harm, but apparently one of them is that the pain and flowing blood make them feel alive. The tears shed over an affair are like blood flowing from a wound caused by cutting the heart.
I’m glad you were able to calm down and think things through.
Even if you still like your papa, I think it’s a good idea to have a boyfriend close to your age or a friend with benefits.
The idea that you have to be with just one person is simply a marriage-based system created by humans. Genetically speaking, we’re born with the instinct to be attracted to all kinds of people.
You only live once, so don’t get trapped by fixed ideas. If you don’t enjoy life, time will be gone before you know it. That’s my personal Fuu philosophy.
Let’s enjoy life to the fullest!
