I’ve been meeting this woman for tea two or three times a month for about four months. I suspect she’s probably dinner only (no intimacy). We only make small talk, too. I’m so shy that I haven’t been able to bring up the subject of an adult relationship (intimate). I’d like to move things forward, and since I agonize over it every time, I want to talk to her and decide whether to move on. So my question is: when during the one-hour tea meeting, and how, should I bring it up? As soon as the tea is over, she goes to the restroom, so we part ways immediately.
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To be clear, rather than asking whether anything beyond dinner only (no intimacy) is possible, I’d like to ask whether she’d even be open to considering it.
As everyone has said, if you’ve continued meeting for tea only during that period, either he’s come to believe that’s all you want, or your allowance is attractive enough to him that he’s happy just meeting for tea. Given how many times you’ve met, men usually bring it up themselves, so the fact that he hasn’t probably means he wants to maintain the relationship as it is.
He may really like you, but since you’re thinking of calling it quits, I think you should just ask him over LINE. If he’s shy, he may not be able to bring it up in person—or he may end up getting too comfortable with the situation. With a message, you can take as many hours as you need to think it through, write it, and send it.
Personally, if I don’t see any chance of things progressing by the third meeting, I usually move on, so I bring up that kind of topic during the first or second meeting.
If you want the woman to be the one to bring it up, choose a CD.
Try making lots of offers until you reach the point where you’re okay with being turned down. I think you’ll start seeing things differently, so hang in there!
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When you say “wholesome,” are you actually a men’s esthe user? lol
As for going from an A to an adult relationship (intimate), I’ll set that aside here since Mac-san’s been interfering with my business. But judging from your question, she’s a B1 type, right?
At my most recent setting, I ended up having an adult relationship with a B1 woman from the very first day. Since I thought it might work out, I just said straightforwardly, “We don’t know when we’ll meet again, so if you’re up for it, would you like to do something after this today?”
Alternatively, if you’re having tea for an hour, you could set your phone to vibrate an alarm after 30 minutes. When it goes off, you could say something like, “I’ll invite you to an adult relationship next time. I’ll message you about the allowance on LINE later.” How about that?
I’m making it sound easy, but I know you’re shy about these things.
I’m used to being rejected, so it doesn’t bother me.
Actually, she might be getting frustrated too because she wants you to invite her.
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Isn’t there a club for this?
I think it’s almost impossible to find a papa-katsu woman who isn’t open to an adult relationship (intimate) from the start.
Ask over LINE whether she’s open to an adult relationship and confirm the terms. If the answer is no, then—
Make an offer to a woman who’s open to an adult relationship through this dating club or Patro. There are plenty of them, and they’re all waiting for offers.
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I don’t know the other person’s dating style or how much allowance they receive for dinner-only meetings, so this is just a rough comment.
If they’re willing to meet you this often for dinner only, you’re probably offering a fairly generous allowance—or, if not, they likely see you as a genuinely nice person.
If you want to move on, casually ask about halfway through dinner whether there’s any possibility of taking things further. If the answer is no, thank them and make a clean exit.
The tricky part of an adult relationship (intimate) is deciding what to do when dinner is enjoyable, but things aren’t actually that enjoyable once you take it to the next level.
There will be all kinds of hurdles along the way, so enjoy your club activities with those in mind as well!
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I agree with Mac.
If you’ve been meeting about two or three times a month for around four months, that means you’ve already met for tea only 8–12 times. At this point, she probably sees you as someone who’s fine with tea-only meetings, or as someone she has a tea-only relationship with.
So even if you ask now about taking things further, she may say that she’s open to it, but in reality she may not be considering it at all. If you want more than that, there’s a good chance the relationship will end.
That said, I assume you’re asking because you don’t want to keep doing tea-only meetings forever. There’s probably about a 0.1% chance she’ll be open to more from this point on, so I recommend asking her directly.
There’s no point in asking only about her thoughts, so I think you should bring it up together with the allowance, saying something like:
“I was thinking of an allowance of around ___… Would you like to go somewhere after this?”
If she already has plans or wants to turn you down gently, she’ll probably suggest doing it next time. (In the latter case, she may stop responding altogether.) So asking if she’s available right now will make it easier to understand what she really wants.
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Before meeting, why not ask him about it on LINE from home? You can suggest an amount yourself, too.
If you enjoy just having tea together, that’s fine—but you’re not satisfied with that arrangement, are you?
If he turns you down without even discussing the amount, end things amicably. Never leave with a parting shot.
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