For a woman I’m meeting for the first time, I’ll make the reservation myself.
With my monthly arrangements, they usually make the reservation. One advantage of having the girl book it is that it lowers the chances of a last-minute cancellation.
It’s rainy and I’m bored today, so I thought I’d share a little.
In my case, I always make reservations.
There aren’t many setting dates, and I’ve been seeing them for a long time, but I’ve never had anyone cancel on me.
For me, it’s less about cooking and more about using a private room where we won’t be seen. I once went shopping with one of them, but it felt like such a strange relationship—or rather, I was the one who felt embarrassed.
The questioner is in his 30s—
is he seriously that handsome that women never complained even when he didn’t choose a place in advance for a regular date?
You’ll lose out to rival papas who make reservations, choose nice restaurants, and offer generous allowances.
She won’t come on a second date with you.
Personally, I’m happy to see one less rival papa, so go ahead—please, be my guest. Try winging it, fail to find anywhere, and end up taking her to a family restaurant.
That’ll only make someone like me, who actually makes an effort, look better by comparison, lol.
Tomioka (Staff)
It’s understandable to be unsure whether to make a dinner reservation for a first date. If you have to cancel, and it’s a restaurant you regularly go to, it can be embarrassing and make you lose face.
That said, based on the post-date surveys we receive from women, my impression is that more women prefer not to wander around town deciding where to go without a reservation.
For a second date or later, that’s perfectly fine, but on a first date, men need to make a good impression too! First impressions matter. Ideally, you’ll be able to choose a restaurant smoothly, but having to wait or being unable to decide where to go can look pretty bad.
If you’re worried about all these things, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to skip dinner for the first date and simply meet at a café.
> Is it better to make a reservation every time you go out for a meal?
Considering what happens after you meet, I do think making a reservation is the better option. However, there is always the possibility of a last-minute cancellation, so I’d only recommend making one if you have enough flexibility to invite another woman, an acquaintance, or even a Universe staff member and have dinner with them if she cancels at the last minute.
That said, I’ve heard that Universe staff these days can be rather cold and don’t readily offer to go in her place. In the past, it apparently wasn’t unusual for them to say, “If it’s okay with you, I’ll go as an apology.” Of course, the staff member would be going to apologize while letting the man treat her, so from his perspective, he might think, “What is this?” But that’s only an option if you have the leeway for it.
And even if the man has the time and flexibility, the staff member may not, so sometimes I find myself wondering what those staff members are all about.
The reason reservations are recommended is that the staff hear the same things from women that Kazu has written about.
Perhaps men ask women where they would like to go with the best of intentions. But that’s something to ask before the date. If you ask her on the spot, it often turns into the two of you wandering around looking for a restaurant, rather than the man saying, “In that case, let’s go here,” and taking her somewhere. From the woman’s perspective, she may think, “Why do I have to wander around with someone I’m meeting for the first time?” or “This guy is hopeless…”
I’ve also heard of men who had already picked out a restaurant and thought everything was fine, only to find it full. Then they end up walking around trying several other places, and by that point the woman is already thinking, “I’m over this.”
With Standard or Gold women, other men may also just wing it, so they might think, “I guess that’s how these dating clubs are.” But when it comes to Platinum or Black women, most men take them to a restaurant they reserved in advance. If you haven’t made a reservation, you’ll already be at a major disadvantage.
Of course, if you’re confident you can win her over regardless of that disadvantage, it may not matter. But when you ask yourself, “Why start out at a disadvantage in the first place?” the safer choice is to make a reservation.
There is, however, a risk of a last-minute cancellation, so please use your own judgment.
> Is it considered bad manners or something women dislike if I ask what they want to eat after we meet and then look for a place on the spot?
About half of women may dislike that, so I think it’s better to be careful.
P.S. Last-minute cancellations are rare overall, but there are men who get canceled on twice in a row, or even three times in a row. And when you see a woman receive offers from three men and then cancel on all three of them at the last minute, it becomes hard not to say that you should be prepared for the possibility of a cancellation.
I usually decide what to eat with the woman right before the meal, so I’ve never made a restaurant reservation. If I can save on the cost of the meal, I’d rather put that money toward a gift or her allowance, so dining itself isn’t a major priority on a date.
Update:
That said, I do have a few restaurant options in mind so we don’t end up wandering around unable to decide. We also often go to small shopping complexes, where we’ll walk around the restaurant floor once and choose something.
Besides, if you’re going to spend ¥30,000 or ¥50,000 on a meal, I think she’d be happier if you kept the meal to ¥10,000 and used the rest to increase her allowance.
The closer we become, the more we go to amusement parks or take drives, and the less important dining becomes as part of the date.
I always make a reservation.
I arrange the meeting location around the restaurant—usually a hotel lobby—and, besides, I’m not exactly sophisticated enough to avoid getting flustered while searching for a place to eat. If you’re confident you won’t get rattled, though, I think it’s fine not to make a reservation. Accommodating the woman’s request might even earn you some points.
There is definitely a risk of cancellation. That said, in all the offers I’ve made, I’ve only had one last-minute cancellation. I called Universe to complain, and the kind-hearted staff member took me out for dinner. That was a long time ago, so the club’s rules may not allow something like that anymore.
I’ve had a few last-minute cancellations on subsequent meetings. Sometimes I invite another girl, and sometimes I go alone. I used to run a restaurant, so I think I understand how disruptive sudden cancellations can be. That’s why I don’t cancel.
Even when I go alone, I pay for two people. Some restaurants won’t accept the extra payment, but in those situations, I bring out my trump card:
“A man doesn’t take back money he’s already put down.”
Whether it’s an introduction through a club like Universe Club or through an app can change the answer.
There is still a risk of cancellation with Universe Club, but I understand it to be lower than with apps.
*If the woman cancels at the last minute, her rating takes a major hit, making it difficult to get future introductions.
Occasionally, women leave low-rated feedback saying they got tired from walking around looking for a restaurant on the day. If you can’t decide on a place quickly, that kind of risk does exist.
With apps, the cancellation risk is higher, so I think a café is fine for the first meeting.
For a setting date, either approach works. People have different preferences when it comes to how they spend their time, so their feelings about it will vary as well.
If you ask the woman what she’d like to do after meeting her, you can go to a place or restaurant she genuinely wants to visit, depending on her mood that day. You may be able to enjoy yourselves somewhere relaxed and free of pressure. However, if the options she suggests aren’t very appealing or things don’t go smoothly afterward, it could have the opposite effect and make her uncomfortable.
With a text-based date, you can ask about her preferences beforehand and look for a restaurant you can both enjoy.
The safest option is to make a reservation in advance—ideally at a restaurant with private rooms. That would be pretty much perfect. But does that necessarily make the date fun or special? Not always. Still, from a papa-katsu perspective, it’s certainly smooth and reliable.
If you’re looking for a transactional relationship, that may be the approach to take. Many women genuinely don’t mind where they eat—even a family restaurant is fine—so simply making a reservation and arranging a proper place will probably make them feel more appreciated.
Another important factor is how interested you are in food yourself.
If you’re not particularly interested in it, it’s probably better to reserve a safe, dependable restaurant in advance.
If you’re always able to take a woman somewhere she’ll enjoy, then not making a reservation and deciding where to go on the day can make it feel more spontaneous and surprising. I think you should decide based on your usual habits and behavior.
As you can tell from those TV food-ranking shows, hardly anyone—including myself—can really distinguish subtle differences in taste, so there’s no need to worry too much about it.
Additional thoughts
For a setting date, either approach works.
Since you’re meeting unexpectedly, there’s something to be said for asking her what she really wants after you meet and then going somewhere she’d like to visit. That can make things more enjoyable and help you hit it off more easily.
Of course, I think it still depends on the person’s usual behavior and habits.
With a text-based date, you can communicate beforehand, ask about her preferences, and make a reservation accordingly. You can also decide through your messages whether making a reservation is the right choice.
The complaints I hear from beautiful women who join a club are things like, “He parks his luxury car in the parking lot of a luxury hotel and takes me to the hotel’s expensive restaurant… He really thinks he can do anything as long as he has money…” They’re completely fed up with that kind of attitude.
And the place where she vents about it is a casual barbecue restaurant, while she’s dressed in relaxed loungewear that looks like pajamas…
> This was from a question quite a while ago:
> “How could you make the woman look for the restaurant…?”
Of course, it’s important for the man to escort her smoothly and confidently. But if you’re interested in food, I honestly think there’s nothing more enjoyable than being able to find places you personally want to visit.
There are probably four or five women from the club whom I’ve met more than several hundred times.
Since their main goal is the allowance, most of them aren’t particularly interested in food and are happy with anything. Some of them have even gone to the same restaurant with me more than 100 times.
On the other hand, when a woman is really interested in food, she’ll usually choose the restaurant herself every time. We’ve been to more than 200 or 300 different places—Italian, yakiniku, French, sushi, izakaya, and so on—until we’ve practically exhausted all the places worth trying in that area.
Even women who don’t care much about food may not want to become regulars at the same place. After going out for meals several hundred times, you end up trying almost every restaurant in the area that you’ve wanted to visit.
The same goes for papas. Some people take the quickest route and go to Michelin-starred restaurants, while others prefer to discover restaurants that might eventually earn a Michelin star using their own palate. Everyone has different tastes and ways of thinking, and everyone places importance on different things.
Personally, I’ve been making reservations most of the time lately. Most women are fine with any kind of food, so I no longer feel much need to carefully choose something they’ll enjoy on that particular day. At first, I felt a little guilty, as though making a reservation in advance was imposing my choice on them, but I don’t really feel that way anymore.
I also have a favorite woman, so I think I’ve simply gotten into the habit of reserving the same sort of dependable restaurants without giving it much thought.
After reading Kaz’s answer:
True, he did write “every time”…
From the second meeting onward, you know her preferences and the kinds of restaurants she wants to visit, so you can make a reservation every time. You can also reserve a restaurant on the day itself, shortly beforehand, or even after meeting up.
As Kazu mentioned, the man might drive while discussing options with the woman and deciding where to go based on the places she wants to try. Once you get used to each other, either she or the papa may look for a place before meeting. If there’s nowhere available to reserve, you can search after meeting. And if you’re short on time, you might just buy something at a convenience store and head to the hotel…
When your tastes in food match, the meal itself can become the main purpose of meeting, and you may even travel a long way specifically to visit that restaurant. Sometimes you book far in advance; other times, you go because you happened to get a last-minute reservation.
That said, among the women who enjoy going to all kinds of places, I haven’t met many who are that particular about food.
When you visit a good restaurant, you sometimes see people of both genders sitting alone and eating quietly, purely for the food. Come to think of it, it’s unlikely that anyone has friends close by who are that passionate about food…
In that sense, clubs can also give you a chance—albeit a small one—to find someone whose interests and preferences match yours, regardless of the type of food or activity.
If I’m alone, Yoshinoya is more than enough for me, so it’s nice when someone brings out those preferences in me and gives me the chance to enjoy them. That simply wouldn’t happen with someone who was happy with anything.
Personally, I always make a reservation because I hate wandering around trying to find a restaurant while accompanied by a woman I’m meeting for the first time.
Whether it bothers them varies from woman to woman, but I occasionally hear women complain about unpleasant offers where the man hadn’t chosen a restaurant, leaving them stuck searching for one with him forever. It doesn’t seem to be enough on its own for them to turn down the relationship, but men like that often seem to lack consideration. I’ve heard many stories of women wanting to go home partway through the date—or simply finishing the meal and leaving—when that was combined with other issues.
A woman’s favorite types of food are listed in her profile, so I feel they could at least decide what to eat while arranging the meeting.
An addition after reading Mac’s answer:
My answer is about arranged dates. With women I know well, I sometimes even line up together at a ramen shop.
> Mac
As you said, I think the difference in the age groups of the women we meet is related to whether or not they cancel at the last minute. At a restaurant I often go to with a woman I’ve been seeing for a while, we’ll decide after meeting that we want to go there. Since I’m driving, she calls the restaurant, and they say, “Thank you as always, Mr. ○○,” to her, which makes me laugh.
Since last-minute cancellations have come up several times, I’ll add this: In my personal experience, out of around 100 arrangements through Universe Club, there was only one last-minute cancellation—when a woman was in a traffic accident on her way home from work the night before and contacted me through the club. Out of more than 20 dates arranged through apps, I’ve had zero last-minute cancellations or no-shows.
