I previously mentioned here that someone I had met several times suddenly canceled on the day of our meeting and then stopped responding.

Question

After that, I signed up for another site to look for someone new, but I found a profile so similar to the person who had canceled that I wondered if it might be the same individual. The username, profile, occupation, available locations and days, and even the wording of the messages were nearly identical. On the other site, I received a message saying something like, “I’ve never met anyone through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), so I don’t know the going rate, but how about 20,000 yen for an adult relationship (intimate) from the first meeting?” I received a very similar message on this site as well. My profile is also more or less the same on both sites, so if he remembers me, he might recognize me. If it is the same person, then he would have been lying about being new to papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), since he apparently doesn’t count having met me. He may also be a habitual last-minute canceller. Part of me wants to confront him about canceling, but I’m also unsure whether I should meet him. We’ve already arranged to meet for a first meeting, but should I avoid going?

Answer 1

You’ve already been left hanging once and feel awful about it. Even if you confronted him about how you feel, you probably wouldn’t feel any better. It’s pretty clear that it would only lead to more unpleasantness—possibly even not receiving your allowance—and pile more pain and frustration on top of what you’re already dealing with. It’s just papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). I think it’s best to accept that last-minute cancellations and suddenly cutting off contact happen sometimes, and enjoy accepting offers from other people instead.

Answer 2

I completely understand why you feel like confronting him. However, in my limited life experience, I’ve found that confrontation rarely brings happiness. You may feel like it would be cathartic, but once you confront him, there’s a good chance you’ll become even more fixated on the situation. So I think it would be better to let it go. I hope you can find a good way to take your mind off things. There’s no easy way to feel better right away, though.

Answer 3

You seem to have a poor grasp of Japanese. Whether to pursue an adult relationship (intimate) is something each person should decide for themselves. Also, making plans and then simply not showing up isn’t a last-minute cancellation—it’s outright standing someone up. “Dotanキャン” is short for “canceling at the last minute.”

I previously mentioned here that someone I had met several times suddenly canceled on the day of our meeting and then stopped responding.

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I previously mentioned here that someone I had met several times suddenly canceled on the day of our meeting and then stopped responding.

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