He ended things with me.

I think the man simply got bored, found someone new he wanted to make an offer to, and moved on. That’s all there is to it. Don’t let something like that stress you out. Just wait for a new offer. What makes someone decide to end things? Personally, I think people who register with a dating club tend to get bored easily, so when someone stops responding, I just assume they’ve lost interest. In response to Paper Airplane’s answer… After reading Maezawa’s answer: **Update** Do women who make AV-like sounds when they’re genuinely feeling it really exist? Among the women from the club, there were a few who made those kinds of sounds, but I immediately lost interest and had no desire to see them again. When I’m genuinely feeling it, I end up holding my breath or being unable to breathe, so I can’t even think about making sounds… Is holding your breath and being unable to breathe the only way to react? Isn’t it normal to make sounds? If people think making sounds is just an act, that really hurts. ☆I’m not sure what “like in an AV” or “like a soapland worker” is supposed to mean, but next time I’ll try approaching things with a blank, expressionless look ( ˙-˙).

In my case, it’s when I feel the woman’s attitude has become careless, including because she’s gotten too used to the arrangement. From your answer, I’m sorry to say, but I also got the impression that she may be dealing with you out of obligation. Still, even if things feel somewhat obligatory, I won’t end it myself as long as I feel that we’re both acting with consideration for each other. This time, I think it may be best to take it as a matter of chemistry and move on.

If you’d only met two or three times, that would be one thing, but after being together for a long time, “I just somehow felt like I didn’t want to anymore” probably isn’t the real reason. So I don’t think there’s much point in dwelling on what you did wrong. (Maybe they found someone they’re more physically compatible with.) Just like any passing interest, there are countless reasons a relationship can come to an end. Why not be a little more proactive about dating next time?

> I got the impression that she might not have been comfortable with it when things progressed to intimacy at the hotel. What makes someone think that varies from person to person, but: ① Her reactions during intimacy are weak, or she doesn’t make any sounds. Even if the woman herself is enjoying it, the man may wonder, “Maybe she isn’t enjoying it?” or “Maybe she’s not into sex because she isn’t reacting?” If that’s the case, it might help to watch adult videos and practice—even if that means putting on an act (which isn’t really ideal). At first, the acting will probably be easy to see through, but eventually, I think it’ll become difficult to tell that she’s acting. Ideally, she might even get to the point where she can’t tell herself whether it’s acting or not. ② She takes a passive approach. I think it’s fine to be passive, but many men seem to appreciate it when the woman is proactive to some degree. The difficult part is figuring out what “to some degree” means. If she’s too proactive, he may assume she has a lot of experience with men or wonder whether she used to work in the adult-entertainment industry, which can work against her. So I think it’s best to show that she enjoys intimacy to some extent, without giving that impression. ③ She dislikes kissing. There may be various reasons someone doesn’t want to kiss—for example, the other person has bad breath—but if she looks uncomfortable when the man tries to kiss her, it can count against her even if she doesn’t actually refuse. And if she does refuse, that’s an even bigger negative. If you really don’t want to kiss, I think it’s better to clearly explain why. (Even then, the fact that you can’t kiss may still count against you.) There are probably other things as well, but these points can be difficult to handle, so it may be best to assume you simply weren’t compatible and look for someone new. > Do women who make porn-like sounds when they’re genuinely feeling it actually exist? Huh? Maybe we’re thinking of different adult videos. I didn’t realize there were videos with people making such strange sounds...

From the wording, I can’t help but imagine that she’s going through it in a very obligatory, duty-like way. That’s unfortunate… Of course, the man’s lack of skill in bed is probably a major factor too, so there’s a good chance things would turn out similarly with other women besides the questioner. If the man is reasonably skilled and the two of them have a certain level of compatibility, it isn’t impossible for the woman’s satisfaction to remain high, partly because of the allowance. But regardless of who the man is, I can only think that the questioner herself has few of the qualities that would lead to that kind of outcome. This isn’t a brothel. Rather than the man simply demanding things, I think he becomes excited and happy when the woman is satisfied, starts wanting things herself, responds, feels, and grows more aroused. Some men find it boring when a woman does something only because he asked, or responds merely because he made a request. The moment a man says, “Do this,” it can come across as something she feels obligated to do because he told her to, rather than something she genuinely wanted to do. Whether the mood is right also depends on the situation and the man’s preferences. > I feel that I’ve done my best to accommodate him. We even took baths together, and after intimacy, I never left the bed before he did. You don’t necessarily have to do any of that. A dating club is about naturally doing what you want to do, in your own way. If the two of you are compatible and have ordinary preferences, the man shouldn’t need to ask for anything, and the woman shouldn’t need to consciously try to do anything either. Conversely, letting the woman do what she wants and indulge her whims will likely increase not only her satisfaction, but the man’s as well. After reading Maezawa’s answer Additional note Do women really exist who make porn-like sounds when they genuinely feel good? Among women I met through the club, there were several who made those kinds of sounds, but it immediately turned me off, and I had no desire to see them again. (Nothing had even started yet, and suddenly they were doing that… what was that supposed to be?) When someone is truly feeling it, their breathing stops or becomes difficult, and they don’t seem to have the余裕 to make sounds at all… I once heard another couple at a couples’ café continuing to make loud, intense sounds like howling. I still have no idea what that was—whether it was part of their play or genuine pleasure. > Ayase Sorry for making you uncomfortable. Normal sounds are fine. I’m talking about those strange, exaggerated sounds like in porn. Can women really make sounds like that? The only women I’ve ever experienced making porn-like sounds were sex workers—soapland workers, specifically. (I knew it was their job, of course, but I still found myself thinking, “There’s no way she actually feels anything. At least try to create a little more of a mood.”) It was incredibly boring… Also, when a woman climaxes and goes into convulsions—almost like an epileptic seizure—it looks to me as though she has no余裕 left to make any sounds at all. I’d be happier seeing her drenched in sweat from her back down through her whole body, with the sheets soaked through, rather than hearing sounds. (Sweating heavily from moving around doesn’t count…) What I find amazing about the club is this: When I joined, I thought that even if I could have an adult relationship (intimate), it could never surpass the sex people share with someone they love, such as a girlfriend or wife. I thought that was absolutely impossible. (I wasn’t having any trouble finding sexual partners when I joined, so perhaps I didn’t have high expectations and was only curious.) But then—somehow, that belief was overturned… I was like, “Wait, what? How? No way…” It isn’t just about a woman climaxing. It goes beyond that—climaxing again and again, building that kind of trust, reaching convulsive orgasms, and becoming so immersed in each other that the waves of those convulsions continue. Looking back now, I realize I’ve become absorbed in something frighteningly deep—almost another dimension… In the end, I’ve come to feel that where you met someone really doesn’t matter at all when you think about it. No matter where you meet, even if it’s only for a moment, if you talk for five minutes and feel drawn to each other, there’s always a possibility that person could become your lifelong partner. That’s how I feel these days. Is it wrong to say that the only women who make porn-like sounds are soapland workers? I suddenly remembered how exciting it was having sex at my wife’s parents’ house, where we had evacuated temporarily after the earthquake, while trying to keep our voices quiet enough that no one would hear.

When a relationship lasts for more than a year, it usually ends because the woman’s circumstances have changed. Or perhaps because doing the same things over and over has led to boredom. If the relationship lasted for less time than that, it may be because things she had been compromising on started to bother her, or because he met someone else he liked better and no longer felt motivated to continue the relationship. The phrase “as much as possible” stood out to me. And judging from the comments about not getting out of the bath or bed, I get the impression that, from his perspective, you lacked initiative and were rather boring. That said, everyone has different preferences, so there isn’t one right answer that applies to everyone. To explain a little more carefully, some men want a partner who is proactive in bed, while others prefer someone more passive. For example, when it comes to taking off clothes, some men enjoy undressing their partner, while others prefer someone who quickly takes off her underwear and takes the lead. In that sense, “as much as possible” suggests waiting for instructions. It comes across as a passive attitude: you’ll respond if he gives you directions and you’re comfortable with them. Ultimately, it’s a matter of compatibility. If you want to continue the relationship by adapting to the man, rather than asking third parties about their preferences, I think it would be better to make an effort to understand his.