Whether it’s a friends-with-benefits partner, a papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) partner, or a girlfriend, once I’ve been seeing someone for a while, I start developing feelings for them and lose my sexual desire. Is this common?

According to several studies, the genes wired into us as animals supposedly cause sex-related hormones like dopamine to decline after about three or four years in a relationship. Apparently, men experience more pleasure when they sleep with other women, as it helps them leave behind more offspring. So the “three-year limit on romance” theory may not be entirely wrong. When it’s the same partner in the same environment, the stimulation fades. If you’re with the same person, maybe changing the setting helps? But the most effective solution is changing partners, lol. From Fuu’s perspective, with papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) once a month, the low frequency seems to make it last a little longer than a romantic partner, marriage, or a frequently seen casual partner… Still, it’s true that new women are more exciting and pleasurable… The number of monthly arrangement partners keeps increasing, and it’s becoming a bit of a problem. My wife and I are married, but we both outsource sex while still trusting each other as family. Getting divorced would mean losing half our assets and pension, so it would be a disadvantage for both of us. We both seem to understand that, more or less. So I think we’ll continue enjoying ourselves this way without getting divorced, lol. Of course, we should cherish our partners—but as long as we don’t get caught, isn’t it fine to outsource sex through papa-katsu? Why not?

Wow, that’s a tough question to answer. You mean being sexless, right? Personally, I don’t have that issue. Hmm… how about spacing out your meetings instead of seeing each other too often? If you meet once every two months, you might be able to keep your desire alive and feel refreshed each time. It’s wonderful that you care about them so much!

> Is this common? It doesn’t seem to be all that common. That said, some people do end up in sexless marriages, so perhaps spending every day together can make it difficult to see someone as a romantic partner. > What should I do? That depends on what you want to do about the situation. If you simply want to have sex, you could go to a brothel and choose a different person each time, so you may not need to worry about it. If the problem is that you develop feelings for someone after seeing them for a while, and then stop feeling sexually attracted to them, perhaps you need to learn to “accept” that state. Once you can think, “We have fun together even without sex, and that’s okay,” you may find that you have nothing left to worry about.

I thought this was interesting, so I looked it up—and it turns out there are other men struggling with the same thing. Questioner: sapixisgod Date posted: 2023/09/09 I have almost no sexual desire for women I genuinely like. Is something wrong with me as a man? When it comes to a woman I truly like—whether she’s beautiful, kind, or whatever—I can’t bring myself to want a physical relationship with her. On the other hand, I do feel sexual desire toward women I don’t like at all, but who have great bodies, or who seem like the type to sleep around. For some reason, my instincts seem to work like this: The woman I truly love → I want to cherish her for the rest of my life Anyone else → I just want to sleep with her if I can Does that make me a piece of garbage?… https://oshiete.goo.ne.jp/qa/13588745.html Questioner: soumuchou Date posted: 2023/03/12 I don’t feel much sexual desire toward people I genuinely like as romantic prospects. Is that abnormal for a man? I sincerely feel like I want to protect them—their inner selves, or who they are as a person—and I have a hard time seeing them as sexual objects… But with someone I don’t really care about (excuse my wording), I often end up viewing them sexually instead. Am I the only one like this?… https://oshiete.goo.ne.jp/qa/13387528.html It’s not common, but it’s not extremely unusual either. I suppose it’s one form of minority sexuality. There are all kinds of women, too, so ultimately it’s a matter of finding a match—someone with a similar orientation, or someone who can accept the questioner as he is. Maybe you need to find a partner who can accept terms like: “We love each other, but sex is separate. We both take care of that outside the relationship, and neither of us gets jealous or blames the other for it.” Hmm, I’m not sure. In the first place, you want to be together with someone you love, right? Is it fair to say that you do have those feelings? Perhaps the first step is to gain a clear understanding of who you are and organize your thoughts well enough to explain them to someone else. It sounds somewhat similar to the struggles surrounding gender identity disorder. That said, it’s hard to distinguish this from married men who are no longer intimate with their wives and cheat on them. There’s the person who is sexless because he truly loves his wife and has sex elsewhere, and the person who has fallen out of love with his wife and therefore seeks sex outside the marriage. The former seems more likely to keep things transactional and get it over with quickly, while the latter may be more prone to pseudo-romance or genuinely falling in love. If men like the questioner became widely recognized, people might start using this as an excuse when their affairs get discovered.

Since that’s simply your preference, I don’t think you need to do anything about it—just be yourself. Personally, I’d say it’s not typical, but whether it’s typical or not doesn’t really matter.