I’m a female member. If I send a man a “You seem wonderful” message, will he usually make an offer fairly soon if he’s interested? You can make an offer for a date a little later, right? How many days should pass without receiving an offer before I assume he’s not interested?

They may already have several monthly arrangements and a packed schedule, so they simply can’t take on anyone else. Or the questioner may just not be their type. And the small number of attractive older papas may be receiving lots of “You seem wonderful” messages, so you might not get chosen. I’d treat sending “You seem wonderful” plus a message as better than doing nothing, but not much more. If you want a papa, send plenty and think of any occasional offer as a bonus.

Even with men who have favorited you, you won’t get offers back that often. If a man hasn’t favorited you, the chances of getting an offer are considerably lower. Including a message can sometimes backfire and make it seem like you’re trying too hard, so keeping it light and sending nothing may be better. Both approaches have their pros and cons, which makes it difficult. I think the only time your chances are relatively high is when you quickly favorite him back after he favorites you. As others have mentioned, if he’s already in an ongoing arrangement, the chances are practically zero regardless of what you write—assuming he’s happy with the relationship, he’ll stop making offers.

I suppose it depends on what the man is looking for in a dating partner and on the circumstances, so I’ll just share my personal opinion. Unlike dating clubs, most apps don’t charge a fee to send an offer, from what I’ve seen. When I’m registered on an app, I receive tons of likes from women, but I’ve never received a like from someone I actually wanted to meet—even when there was no setup fee. At first, as Mr. Maezawa mentioned, I would check the profiles of women who sent me likes. But there were so many that I eventually stopped looking. On apps, I made my profile private whenever that was an option, and I also keep my profile private at dating clubs. Personally, I didn’t check that often to see whether I had received any likes. I found push notifications from apps annoying, so I turned them off. Even when I was looking for someone, I only checked every few days, and when I wasn’t looking, I sometimes went several weeks without checking. I used to check the Universe page almost every day when I first joined, then it became once a week, and now I only look at it once every few months, if that. When sending a like, I think it’s best to keep your expectations for an offer low.

I think I’ve mentioned the “perpetual second choice” women before. These are women a man intends to make an offer to next time, but by the time he’s ready to do so, another woman he likes even more has joined. He then decides to make an offer to her next time instead, and the cycle repeats—so some women never receive an offer at all. That’s why, even when a woman is added to someone’s favorites, there can be different levels of priority: 1. I want to make an offer soon. (Top priority) 2. I want to make an offer next time. (Second priority) 3. I might make an offer someday. (She simply caught my attention.) (Sometimes I hear that a woman was added by mistake, but I also wonder whether it wasn’t really a mistake—that the man had no intention of making an offer and simply wanted to keep her profile as part of his personal photo collection.) In case ①, I think an offer will probably come within about a week. But with ② or ③, it could come the following month—or she could end up as a perpetual second choice and never receive one at all. I think “You’re lovely” works in much the same way. If no offer comes within about a week, it may be similar to categories ② or ③ in the favorites list. Unlike dating apps, one of the difficult things about a dating club is that you basically have to wait. Still, it’s not completely ineffective—there are certainly men who view a woman’s profile because she received a “You’re lovely.” So please keep sending them.

Most good men already have a generous monthly arrangement in place. I don’t think you’ll get an offer right away. But if you can make it onto his favorites list, there’s still a chance he may reach out when he has some free time or a few months after ending things with his regular partner. Wait without getting your hopes up. If you’re really struggling financially, try sending one more heartfelt message along the lines of, “You seem wonderful.”