A question about ending a papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) arrangement.
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I’d appreciate hearing how others have ended things with someone they’d been seeing long-term.
I’m enjoying spending time with the woman I’m currently seeing, and we’re even planning to take a trip together soon. However, she’s 25 and has a boyfriend, so when I think about her future, I feel that at some point it might be better for her to stop doing papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan).
Should I wait for her to naturally move on once she’s achieved what she set out to do, or would it be better to choose a certain point and end things by giving some kind of reason?
I often hear stories about people stopping because of a transfer or an overseas business trip, but I suspect most of them are probably lies. I’d appreciate hearing your thoughts.
👤Asked byGuest👨GenderMale🎂40s👑Member of another dating club
I’ve never broken up with a long-term woman I’ve been seeing for more than three years.
I usually end things with almost everyone after the first few meetings, or at most around six months. It’s truly rare for someone to keep seeing me on a monthly arrangement for a full year. Once we get past that point, I can’t find a reason to end things.
I have a monthly partner who got married and had a child. We no longer have an adult relationship (intimate), but I can’t imagine ending things with her. If anything, I’ve grown even more fond of her since she had a child.
Lately, all we ever talk about is the child she had with her husband, but I honestly love it.
So how would I even break things off with her?
I suppose the only time I’d ever end things with a long-term partner would be if my business failed.
No one has ever told me they wanted to end things because they were getting married.
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I don’t think you need to worry too much if you’re on the papa side. If she gets married or has a child, she’ll probably be the one to say it’s over, so there’s no need to stress about it now.
Some women do say they want to continue even after getting married, and even if the reason is a lie, does it really matter?
Women tend to be younger and go through more life changes, so in papa-katsu, it’s usually the woman who ends things.
Looking at it purely from the sex side of things, men are biologically wired to eventually get bored.
If things can end smoothly for her reasons, you got to be with her during the best years of her youth. Then, along with those bittersweet, happy memories and a little loneliness, you can go looking for the next fresh young woman.
And there are so many young female members here to choose from...
It really is quite a system.
I can’t quit.
It’s scary—so scary.
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Hmm… I’m not really sure what you’re trying to say.
How have you ended things with your romantic partners in the past? If you have a wife, how do you think about when to end things with her?
It’s good to think things through, but everyone has a different way of breaking up—and there’s another person involved, too.
Even if you reach a conclusion on your own, it’s not ideal if the breakup ends up making the other person resent you. Besides, you might end up parting ways after an argument, or even without arguing, simply because dissatisfaction builds up.
So basically, when you feel you want to end things, I hope you’ll look for a way to do so while being considerate of the other person.
Also, even if you want to continue, the other person may want to end things. Please be careful not to become a stalker in that situation.
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If she were really wonderful, she’d keep seeing you even if she had a boyfriend. Maybe he’s already tired of it.
Make her a new offer, then break things off by saying you’ve met someone new. It’s the truth, after all.
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What other people choose to do is for them to decide, and I don’t like being that pushy.
When I end an arrangement, I don’t make plans to meet again if it’s pay-per-meeting. If it’s a monthly arrangement, I let them know I want to end things after a notice period.
I usually bring up any issues as they come up, so most of the time, they understand that’s the reason.
I get the impression that you may be thinking about how to end a friendship.
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It depends on what kind of relationship you both want.
You may be hoping to eventually date another younger woman, or you may want to continue deepening the relationship even as she gets older. I think it’s best to develop a style that works for you.
In my case, I meet women when they contact me. If we meet frequently, that can mean more than 25 times a month for several years—not just once a week—while with others, it might be only once a month. Since the woman decides how often we meet, if she no longer feels the need to meet, she can simply stop contacting me. There’s no particular need for an official ending.
There have been various situations: women who got married and later introduced me to their husbands, women who asked me for advice about things they didn’t want to tell their husbands, and relationships that resumed several years after marriage.
I think it also makes a big difference whether you’ve developed a relationship where you both want to stay connected regardless of the allowance.
As a guideline for when to end things, you could consider the average length of your past relationships and view a similar period as a natural time for it to come to an end.
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