Sorry for the question.

I’m Date. It’s been a while. I’m glad to see that all the other contributors are doing well too. I happened to check the Q&A box for the first time in ages and found a good question, so I wanted to answer it. Well, I’m a bit of an idiot, so my experience may not be much help, but I’ve been seeing a woman for seven years now, whom I met through Universe. I met her when she was a student and needed money. Now she’s working and, in my eyes, has grown into a wonderful young woman. I keep telling her, “You should become independent already,” but she has no intention of doing so and is still highly motivated, saying, “I’m going to keep going!” As for your question, in my case, it’s about the sense of security. After seven years together, we know practically everything about each other, so we understand one another’s situations and continue the arrangement accordingly. I don’t think it matters all that much how many other partners either of us has. As long as you have something—your feelings, your skills, or whatever—that puts you ahead of the unseen competition, isn’t that enough? That’s what I think.

Well, I mean, you’re a mistress, after all. And even if you marry, wealthy men tend to cheat all they want anyway. To begin with, eternal love is probably biologically impossible. You’re young, so I’m sure you feel jealous, but even if you marry someone you truly love, all sorts of things happen after about 20 years. Why not try letting go of the idea that love or romance is supposed to make you feel secure? Put your priorities somewhere else, lol. Wouldn’t it be better to think about how to have fun without feeling lonely? And you too—don’t lose to your current papa, lol. Get yourself a boyfriend, a friend with benefits, a main papa, a backup pay-per-meeting papa, and some friends to have fun with. You only get one life, so live without regrets. There’s no point at which you’ll suddenly feel secure just because you become ○○, and there’s no point at which you’ll automatically become happy either. You feel secure when you decide you do, and you’re happy when you decide you are. Let’s assume that the day you feel secure because of someone else’s love, or the day someone else makes you happy, will never come! Try looking at things from a different perspective, lol.

In a conventional romantic relationship between a man and a woman, money isn’t involved. So once money enters the picture, you could also say that the man is essentially protecting himself by keeping relationships with multiple women. I think the nature of the relationship changes greatly depending on whether the relationship with a mistress began with an allowance from the start, or whether the romance developed first and the allowance came later. As the person asking this question seems to feel anxious about, wondering how the other person sees you and whether you’re someone they need is a major concern—especially for women. On the other hand, by openly maintaining relationships with multiple women, men also avoid becoming too deeply involved with any one woman. They may see the effort and hassle involved as bothersome or too much trouble. And if a relationship ends, they can easily find someone else when the connection is based on money. Being someone’s mistress doesn’t necessarily mean you have to receive money. I’ve had a mistress—or perhaps you’d call her a girlfriend—for several decades, and there’s no financial arrangement between us. When money isn’t involved, many kinds of bonds can develop within a relationship between a man and a woman, regardless of gender. A relationship with a woman from a dating club can also grow into something beyond that, but without an allowance, it simply wouldn’t have existed in the first place. If a relationship lasts for decades, it naturally reaches a point where both people may decide they want to marry. They may get engaged, marry, and continue the relationship afterward as well—thinking that married life wouldn’t work, but that they could remain lovers. The fact that your current papa (a male supporter) has maintained relationships with so many other women means that his relationship with you is also one he could end at any time. However, while that may sound unsettling, it can also be reassuring. Since you aren’t his one-and-only or someone uniquely special, you don’t have to worry as much about being replaced. I think you’re in a position where it’s relatively easy to remain a woman he wants to keep in his life. I used the word “keep,” but I mean that he wants to continue seeing you. As long as the allowance-based relationship and multiple relationships are maintained, there are benefits for the woman as well as the man in keeping things going. Maintaining that sense of security can lead to a better relationship.

That’s a good question. - “I wish she were my girlfriend.” - “I wish I could marry her.” - “It’s a transactional relationship, but she’s by far No. 1 when it comes to intimacy.” - “She’s genuinely in love with me and boosts my self-esteem.” - “She’s simply gorgeous and a pleasure to look at.” That kind of thing—each of my monthly arrangements is different. And men are capable of loving their wives and mistresses equally. I think that’s one of the major differences between men and women. So, to your papa (a male supporter), you’re probably No. 1 while he’s with you. However, when he’s seeing another girl, the girl he’s with is probably No. 1 to him at that moment. Probably.

A truly good relationship is one where, even if you don’t talk that often in everyday life, you still think of each other when it really matters. Seeing each other several times a week is just a passing phase. Something could happen and you might suddenly grow distant. Incidentally, relationships with women who fall asleep while traveling—especially as early as the second time you meet—often tend to last. That’s the kind of relaxed relationship I prefer.

> For those of you who have been seeing a mistress for years, what kind of feelings do you have toward her? I have a weekend-marriage partner I’ve been with for over 20 years—not through papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan). She was recently diagnosed with an illness, and there’s a chance she may not be here five years from now. When she told me, I became far lonelier and more anxious than I ever imagined I would. I had thought I could casually do papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) with multiple young women behind her back, that I’d never run out of money, and that even if my weekend-marriage partner were gone, I’d be perfectly fine. But I suppose that’s the weight of 20 years. I’m in my sixties now, and I don’t think I’ll ever meet someone with whom I can share another 20 years. Even the woman I’ve been seeing the longest right now has only been in my life for four years. She’ll probably die before I do. And when that happens, I imagine the world afterward will feel like a truly barren desert to me. So this is what loneliness feels like. Until now, I’d never thought of myself as lonely. Men are basically solitary creatures. I thought I was someone who could handle solitude. I really believed that. To return to the question, many men—including myself—don’t rank women as first, second, and so on. One woman has this quality, another woman has that quality. Since we enjoy the good parts of each person, in that sense, they’re all number one. I imagine many of the other men who answered feel the same way. That’s what I thought too, but in reality, I had been deeply affected without realizing it. I think the woman whose absence would hurt the most is the number one woman in that man’s life. That’s probably difficult to recognize while you’re still seeing someone. Even the man himself often doesn’t realize that she’s number one. Among the women I’m seeing now—or the women I may meet in the future—will I find my next number one? Among the papa-katsu women I used to see and eventually parted ways with, there were several who wanted to become my number one. Some left after realizing they could never hold that place, while I ended things with others because their feelings felt too intense. If I had seriously faced even one of those women, would she have become my number one? I’m the one who wants to know the answer.

You seem quite fixated on what “number” someone ranks, but there may not be any rankings in the first place. Even if there are, there could be multiple rankings, and they may change frequently. You wouldn’t compare a certain restaurant’s yakiniku with another place’s shortcake and ask which tastes better. Personally, I don’t think having a mistress makes someone any less of a romantic partner. Your feelings can differ depending on the person, and even your feelings toward the same person can change over time. I also don’t really understand why someone would doubt another person’s affection just because they sleep on a flight. And I couldn’t understand the idea of applying the feelings that complete strangers have toward other people to yourself.