Have any of you ever encountered a rude papa (male supporter) or woman?

I’ve never met anyone who was rude. That said, men are already favorably inclined when they make an offer to a woman they like based on her looks, the way she talks, or her overall vibe. Women don’t have that kind of built-in advantage, so the starting point is completely different from the outset.

I’ve never met anyone who was outright rude. That said, there have been women I was supposed to meet who simply didn’t show up without contacting me, and then never replied to my follow-up messages. I did feel that they could at least have explained afterward why they couldn’t make it. That kind of behavior is discourteous, so I suppose you could call it rude. Is that what you mean? Regarding the examples you gave: > Being intimate for three hours each time This sounds less like a question of rudeness and more like a compatibility issue—you didn’t want to spend three hours doing that, while he did. > “If you refuse to go to the hotel a second time, then I won’t give you your allowance.” I’d call this a breach of the agreement rather than rudeness. Even if you declined the second time, I think you should still have received your allowance. That said, it seems the two of you actually had different understandings of the arrangement. The man seems to have thought the allowance was owed for the day’s date, while you thought it was owed after going to the hotel once. Based on the general consensus, I think your understanding was the more reasonable one. If you didn’t want to go a second time, you probably could have been more assertive. Incidentally, I think contracts exist so that when people have different understandings of an agreement, it’s possible to determine who was in the right. (There are no contracts in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan), and even if there were, they would be legally invalid, so they wouldn’t really serve a purpose.) You explained the background clearly, so I think this is a question worth answering. As for whether the story itself is true or made up, though, it’s hard to say. Still, it’s not impossible that people like this exist, which makes it a somewhat unsettling question.

No, no—once he put medication on his penis, I’d say goodbye and get away. Doesn’t that mean the questioner was drugged too? Why did you misunderstand and think you couldn’t refuse? This isn’t a brothel, after all. Didn’t you listen to the club’s initial explanation? I’ve met some unusual people and some who smelled bad before, but I ended things with them right away… I think being stood up at the last minute feels the most disrespectful.

I’m pretty similar to Kazu-san, but I feel that what we call “rude” is, nine times out of ten, rooted in the narrowness of our own perspective or judgment. So I rarely feel offended. When I feel someone and I simply don’t click, I cut ties immediately. If the unpleasant feelings linger, I’d see it less as the other person’s fault and more as my own mistake in judgment—and blame myself for it. That’s just the kind of person I am, so when I see people who don’t end the relationship and instead do nothing but complain, I can’t help feeling rather cold toward them. Rather than simply thinking “that’s rude,” when I encounter someone behaving unpleasantly in a way I can’t understand from my own perspective, I switch into analysis mode: Why are they doing that, and what kind of background led them to behave that way? For example, maybe they really wanted to say it to someone else—like their father—instead of me. Or maybe they’re imitating something someone else, such as a parent, once did or said to them. Or perhaps they’re forcibly blaming me, the papa (a male supporter) standing in front of them, for the dirty act of papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) that they themselves chose to engage in. If that’s the case, I wonder whether this girl’s unconscious emotions are being suppressed but are already at full capacity. When someone says “that’s rude,” doesn’t it basically mean, “You’re judging and dismissing the other person according to your own standards and values”? I don’t see what’s so entertaining about doing that to a woman in papa-katsu. Incidentally, when a woman in papa-katsu feels that someone has been “rude,” I take it to mean, “I want you to show me proper respect and treat me as an equal human being.” Behind that is probably her own guilt about being in the position of selling sex for money. By categorizing the man as “rude,” she’s trying to preserve her fragile sense of dignity. That’s a perfectly normal reaction in its own way. Still, if she genuinely believes, without a shred of doubt, that the other person is a “rude man,” then she must either be naturally wired that way or possess an exceptionally strong sensibility—which is, in a certain sense, rather endearing.

I sometimes pay the allowance for the adult relationship on our next date upfront, and there have been about five or six women who then stopped responding before the date. Also, this is happening right now, but there’s a girl who’s basically one of those “mooching girls.” She kept telling me sad stories and pressuring me to pay upfront, so I eventually got fed up, gave her 400,000 yen all at once, and told her, “Let’s stop seeing each other.” It’s a hassle to keep turning down her requests for money, but there’s no end to it either. I thought she was more pitiful than rude, so I went along with her “mooching dates” for a while, but I’ve finally had enough. If she came up with new sob stories—or was at least more entertaining—I might keep seeing her and giving her money for a little longer. It’s not exactly rude, but there are also a fair number of women who disappear after I deliberately choose an inexpensive restaurant for the first meeting, even though I’m prepared to offer an allowance of 100,000 yen or more for the adult relationship. I think it’s stupid that they see the cheap dinner and assume, “This guy probably pays very little for the adult relationship,” when I was getting ready to make them a great offer for the next date.

Women have the right to choose, too. If things didn’t work out once, learn from it and do better next time. I believe everything is a learning experience.

I’ve met people through a dating club whose values and opinions differed from mine, but I’ve never felt that they were rude. On the other hand, I often find the people who submit questions to anonymous Q&A boxes rude.