Does a long-lasting arrangement mean there’s a high chance he has other partners as well?

I think the chances become lower as things go on for a long time, though… I believe both men and women fall into two types over time: those who get bored and those who don’t. So it really depends on which type your papa is. If he gets bored easily, he may be making offers to one woman after another… Personally, I never get bored. The longer things continue, the better our compatibility and emotional connection become—and even the sex keeps getting better over time. Other than my wife, I’ve never been dumped or had a woman lose interest in me—not by a girlfriend or by any of the women I’ve met through a club. As for my wife, she treats me like an unwanted obstruction in the same space, saying “Move, move,” just like the wife in one of Oizumi’s dramas… She hasn’t left me yet, but eventually…

Does the person asking the question only see that one papa? From their perspective, is that papa more generous than the others—like spending money on an apartment or things like that? I wonder if they rank their papas. It probably depends on the person.

Aya-san and Mac-san’s answers are incredibly insightful. They’re really smart… I don’t know whether this will be helpful to the person who asked, but I tell every woman, “I’m fine being your number two,” and act accordingly. I don’t think the allowance I give is particularly low, but I deliberately leave the number-one spot open. I don’t try to claim it. For PJ girls, number one might be their boyfriend, a generous (well-paying) papa, someone they’re into, or a favorite papa—it varies. But by consistently showing that I’m fine being number two or even number three to anyone, I’ve ended up being treated as almost the most important person by nearly all of them. I’m number two, but effectively tied for number one. If I tried to become number one, I know that more than half of my current monthly arrangements would probably leave me, and I’d be pushed down the rankings. I mean, wouldn’t being involved with an old guy like that be a hassle? I aim to be the papa who’s most convenient for PJ girls. Strangely enough, when I do that, they tell me everything without me even asking for personal information—including everything about their boyfriends and other papas. I accept them just as they are, smile kindly, and say: “That’s fine. I’m number two. No, number three… Actually, never mind—number four is fine too, haha.” When I take that attitude, they’ll very often make me “almost number one” as a result. You should give it a try too. The result is what matters. The process doesn’t matter at all. If you aim to be number one, you won’t become number one. On the other hand, by giving up the number-one spot, you create the possibility of becoming number one.

If you’ve been seeing each other for a long time, spend quite a lot of time together, and he’s even rented you an apartment, then for a busy papa who’s still working, you’re probably pretty much his number one. I’m not so sure about papas with endless free time, though… Generally speaking, papas in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan)—and women too, for that matter—become less popular with PJ girls as they get older. Of course, if they’re willing to pay enough, they may still be able to have sex with most women. Even so, as their appearance gets more grandfather-like in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, they generally get turned down more often by the women they’re attracted to, or find that encounters get rushed and shortened. In that situation, if you’re the one who stays by his side all along, wouldn’t you naturally become number one to a papa who can’t maintain relationships with other women? Personally, I don’t think it would be such a bad life—watching my papa grow old with a bemused but fond eye while gradually growing older myself.

Women in papa-katsu (compensated dating in Japan) who want to be their papa’s number one may appear to love him at first glance, but apparently that isn’t really the case. Isn’t that true of you too? If you asked her, “Why do you have to be number one?” she’d probably answer, “My pride won’t allow anything else.” “I want all of papa.” When someone says, “My pride won’t allow it,” you might think they’re highly self-confident. In reality, it’s the opposite: they have no confidence in themselves at all. They’re desperately trying to maintain what little self-esteem they have left by being papa’s number one. That’s why they’re so frantic and obsessed. It is strange how someone ends up that way, but there’s usually some underlying reason—perhaps they weren’t loved by their parents or by the people who were supposed to love them. That’s why they become so fixated. What I’m trying to say is that if that’s what lies at the root of your problem, then no matter what you get from papa, you’ll never be satisfied. In fact, you see yourself as having a long-term, frequent arrangement with papa, even living in an apartment he provides, and yet you still can’t bear the anxiety that you might not be his number one, right? Even if you took everything papa had and devoured him down to the bone, your hunger probably still wouldn’t be satisfied. In Buddhism, that kind of thing is called a hungry ghost. It would probably be the same with a boyfriend or a spouse, too—you’d have no choice but to consume them until they were ruined. The problem isn’t papa-katsu itself; something has gone fundamentally wrong in the way you relate to other people. You may be highly skilled at handling papas, though. So what should you do? Start by becoming aware of it. That’s all I can tell you. What comes after that awareness is a battle within yourself. Either you’ll be consumed by the hungry ghost inside you and turn into a strange older woman whom nobody wants anything to do with, or some kind of opportunity will open the way to salvation. I suppose it will be one or the other. My guess is that you can’t kill a hungry ghost, so you have to seal it away somehow—with something else you genuinely have confidence in, something “right” and truly your own. There’s a hungry ghost living in the heart of every papa-katsu woman who wants to be number one. Be careful.

This question seems to be another variation of the long-running: “If X is the case, does that mean Y?” Did the same person simply tweak it a little to pretend to be someone else, while the basic premise remains unchanged? As for my answer: I don’t think there’s any particular correlation between “how long you’ve been seeing each other” and “whether or not he has other partners.” To begin with, where does this “confidence that I’m papa’s number one among the women he sees” come from? If you’re confident, then you’re number one in the questioner’s mind, so there’s no problem. But if you’re considering the possibility that you’re actually not number one, that means you’re not confident that you are—which is contradictory in the first place. It also feels like each line is saying something different, so I’m not really sure what this question is asking. If the issue is that you lack confidence, many men do like humble women, so I think it’s fine to continue the relationship with that same attitude.

Even if a relationship ends after a short time, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re unlikely to have other partners, so I don’t think you can judge much based on the length of the relationship alone. You may feel like you’re thinking, “Because they’re ___, they must be ___,” but in reality, I think you’re simply avoiding genuinely facing the person and thinking things through.