If a man deeply loves his wife but starts dating or having an affair because she only focuses on the children and no longer sees him as a man, would his love for his wife still remain unchanged for 10 or 20 years, despite everything?

Academically speaking: - The Coolidge effect - Dopamine-fueled passion is cut in half after six months - Dopamine expires after three years Simply having marriage as an institution that binds people together makes us move further and further away from sex, given our animal instinct to leave behind as many genes as possible. Staying in love for ten years is difficult, but I do think your wife can eventually become family and a partner you can trust. I’ve been interviewed for columns and for Kotoko Hinata’s papa-katsu reports, but I started this lifestyle after my wife cheated on me first. So I don’t have any particular feelings about affairs, and because I don’t feel especially guilty, I’m able to enjoy papa-katsu without any reservations lol.

So, if I understand correctly, the questioner wants to take a married man with children (a papa) away from his wife, but the man says, “I love my wife, but she only focuses on taking care of the kids and doesn’t see me as a man anymore” (meaning they’re in a sexless marriage, or close to it), right? He only sees the questioner as someone to sleep with. He’s not emotionally invested at all, so I’d say your chances are slim. Move on and look for another man. The questioner is the one who’s become hopelessly attached to her papa, and that’s the dangerous part. He should at least be bad-mouthing his wife in front of you. But he’s not even doing that, so this is a complete dead end. Women tend to think, “Maybe I’ll wait ten years.” But that kind of love never works out. The questioner is in her thirties, right? She’ll probably cling to that one faint hope that he might change his mind while she still has another ten or twenty years of being considered desirable as a woman. But she’ll just throw her life away. Ten years from now, it’ll turn into a huge scene with her crying, “Give me back my ten years!” In the end, though, she won’t be able to do anything. She’ll swallow her feelings, break up around the time she’s nearing fifty, and hurriedly couple up with some random guy before it’s all over. She can’t even hate the man, because doing so would mean admitting that she was foolish, and her pride won’t allow that. So she can’t even resent him. As for the man, he’ll convince himself, “She fell for me, devoted her life to me, and did everything for me. I was really popular,” and tuck the whole thing away in his heart like some kind of medal. He’ll think, “There was a bit of drama when we parted, but we have good memories. Maybe someday, when we’re old, we’ll be able to look back and talk about them fondly.” And that’s how you end up with a creepy, deluded old man. You know those old guys over sixty who do papa-katsu at Universe Club and seem to think, “I can still pass as a man”? You must wonder how they manage to wrap themselves in such indestructible self-esteem. I won’t name names. That’s what the papa the questioner is dealing with will eventually become. If you look at it that way, maybe it’ll take some of the shine off him and finally wake you up. Women in their late twenties are afraid of turning thirty. But once they’re over thirty, they gain confidence from realizing, “I’m still a woman even after thirty,” and start thinking they can keep going until forty—or even fifty. They do yoga, watch their diet, get Botox and hyaluronic acid, rely on the latest cosmetic treatments, and tell themselves, “I still have a long life ahead of me as a woman! I even passed the Universe Club interview, so I’m fine. There’s nothing to worry about!” Positive thinking is good, but that doesn’t mean you should say, “I’ll wait ten years—or even twenty.” Seriously, don’t. If you want to be happy, face reality, develop a sense of urgency, and push yourself to make a decision. And there’s something else: women who say, “I’ll wait ten years” are usually the giving type, so they can get hooked on the pleasure of giving and on feeling like the tragic heroine. They like being the kind of person who cries all night and can’t sleep while thinking about the man who won’t turn around and choose them. This kind of thing is addictive, so be careful. A lot of women in their thirties reading this are probably thinking, “It’s like they’re writing about me.” There might even be a few like that among the Universe Club staff. Yeah, I mean you. Stop dragging things out with some weird guy you can’t bring yourself to cut ties with. Women are always the ones who lose out, so cut your losses and leave him already.

People’s feelings differ from person to person, and they can change over time. Don’t you think you’re treating someone’s emotions a little too casually?