I suppose it varies.
Compensation for infidelity is a joint obligation of the spouse and the other party involved. Since each of them is liable for the full amount, the person seeking compensation can demand it from both of them or from just one.
So I think there are cases where the papa’s wife may demand compensation from the papa.
As for you, do your best to prove that you didn’t know he was married.
In situations like this, it’s probably safest for both sides not to know—or try to find out—each other’s personal information.
If his wife gets furious, she’ll probably snatch his phone first and send you a barrage of angry threats by email.
That said, it’s hard to imagine her getting that worked up over someone he’s paying. More likely, you’ll receive smug, vaguely prideful threats by email or LINE.
There seem to be various situations, such as the papa’s wife showing up at the meeting spot, or calling you directly.
Even if you learn about this possibility, it’s difficult to know how to deal with it. That’s probably why searching online mostly brings up information about what happens after someone is sued for compensation—the more important question is what to do afterward.
For example, if the other party’s wife asks for your name and address, you can tell that she’s asking because her husband hasn’t told her those details. If you think carefully about why she wants to know, you may be able to see where things are heading.
The steps leading up to that point may also be important.
For example, if you usually use a love hotel during your dates, and a private investigator photographs you entering and leaving the hotel, those photos may be treated as evidence that you had an intimate relationship.
With a regular city hotel, however, even if they capture you entering and leaving, it seems harder to use that as evidence unless you admit that something happened. It may be suspicious, but not necessarily admissible as proof. (If there was no intimate relationship, courts apparently rarely award compensation, so the same may well apply even before the case reaches court.)
I’m not saying you should avoid love hotels, but simply being careful about that point could make a considerable difference.
Also, if you have evidence that the man told you he was single, there’s a good chance it could be determined that you were not negligent in failing to realize he was married. That would make it more likely that you wouldn’t have to pay even if his wife demanded compensation.
And if a man’s wife demands compensation from a woman he had been seeing, simply leaving her to deal with it goes against the “gentlemanly” conduct expected of a member. You’d hope he would at least have the decency to give her an amount equal to the compensation she was ordered to pay for seeing him behind his wife’s back.
P.S.
> I heard about someone who was ordered to pay ¥3 million after the wife sued her, and then went back to papa-katsu to earn the money.
Even if the ¥3 million has been finalized by a judgment, she can claim around ¥1.8 million of it from the man—60% is common, though there have also been cases where 90% was awarded (¥2.7 million in this case).
If he says he won’t pay, filing a lawsuit would almost certainly result in the court recognizing her claim. So if the statute of limitations hasn’t expired, this is a case where she should still pursue the money, even now.
(That said, she would still have to earn the remaining 40%—¥1.2 million in this case—so it would certainly be difficult.)
Usually, you’ll get a letter from a lawyer, sent by registered mail rather than certified mail. It probably says “personal” on it, meaning that no one other than the addressee should open it.
I’ve forgotten what type of mail it was, but sometimes they send it to be held at the post office, with a notice saying, “The addressee must come and pick it up personally.”
That’s because the other side usually wants to settle out of court first. It costs less, and if they take the position that they’ll help keep things secret from the person who doesn’t want the matter made public—such as by not telling their family—they can demand a higher settlement amount.
I actually received one of those post-office-hold letters once, from the fiancée of a papa-katsu woman I was seeing. Apparently, there are court precedents recognizing damages for infidelity even when the couple is only engaged. The letter basically said that I had to pay compensation.
I thought it was ridiculous, so I refused all the lawyer’s letters. Then I looked up the man’s workplace and wrote to him there directly, saying, “Let’s discuss this ourselves instead of involving lawyers.” That seems to have made the other side panic. I had written “personal” on the envelope, but apparently an office worker opened it anyway, so everyone found out.
In the end, after all that, I didn’t pay a single yen in compensation and never hired a lawyer. The only money I spent was the postage for the letter I wrote at the time.
Anyway, take that for what it’s worth.
Certified mail isn’t really meant to be used in situations like that. It sounds like the kind of idea an inexperienced amateur comes up with when they have neither the money nor the experience to hire a lawyer. Maybe they think the other person will be intimidated because it looks so serious?
The point of having a lawyer write to the affair partner is to have the wording checked, because if you write it yourself, it can easily be considered intimidation or a threat. It’s not about scaring the other person with a letter from a lawyer. If an amateur writes something strange, they could actually be sued for making threats. That’s an important point to remember.
Also, I don’t think it would be sent to the address on your resident record. For one thing, the other person has no way of knowing that address in the first place.
If the other person sends you certified mail without using a lawyer, saying, “Pay compensation,” that could be an opportunity—you might even be able to counter-sue for intimidation. Take it to a lawyer for a consultation.
Even demanding an outrageously excessive amount above the usual range could potentially be considered intimidation, even if the affair really happened.
With certified mail, there’s proof that “I definitely sent this,” so they can’t later claim, “I never sent that letter.”
It’s not an urban legend that women involved in papa-katsu get sued by their partners’ wives and are ordered to pay compensation, or that they get audited and charged additional taxes. It really happens. I personally know several people it happened to.
One especially sad case involved a single mother who was doing papa-katsu with a married man because she was short on money. His wife demanded ¥3 million, and the amount was finalized by a court judgment. She ended up doing papa-katsu again to earn the money. A woman whose pride has been wounded and who’s consumed by jealousy can show no mercy.
As for tax audits, there was a hostess whose cabaret club was investigated. During an on-site audit, they checked her bankbooks and asked, “Why do you have this much money?” I think she ended up being charged around ¥15 million in additional taxes.
Anyone who thinks, “I’m paid in cash rather than by bank transfer, so I’m safe,” is completely mistaken. The cabaret club records cash payments as wages. Obviously.
There was also a girl who said the tax office showed up even though she had no idea why. The National Tax Agency has an information-reporting form, so someone may have reported her. Be careful not to betray a papa and make him resent you, and don’t brag to your friends about how much you earn through papa-katsu just because you’re close to them.
And there’s another thing: some people who receive their allowance by bank transfer have had the papa’s company audited. It’s especially bad if the papa has recorded the allowance as a business expense. An on-site audit is practically guaranteed.
In particular, when a foreign papa transfers money from an overseas bank to a Japanese bank account, the tax office can detect it even if it’s only ¥50,000. They’re watching closely for possible money laundering. Never give your bank account details to a papa. Once a transfer comes in, you’re already in trouble—even if you return the entire amount, the transfer and reversal records remain, so it will definitely attract attention.
If tax evasion involves a large amount and is judged to be malicious—that is, intentional—you can face criminal penalties, including fines, and end up with a criminal record. Once you have a record, it can cause all kinds of inconvenience later in life, such as when filling out résumés or obtaining professional qualifications.
